Just You and Me Kid
by Vinividivinci
Summary: Set pre-Bluebird. Jane is lonely and hurt as he watches Teresa with Marcus Pike. But then a new lady enters his life. Will it take the pain away? Will things be different now? Don't worry - this is a Jisbon story.
1. Chapter 1

_**The characters aren't mine. In fact nothing is mine except the plot and I make no money from this.**_

Over the years – since the death of his wife and daughter – he'd tried to be a better man. He hadn't been a very good one – not, at least, before their deaths. Oh, it wasn't that he was _bad_, and he had always tried to make sure that he didn't victimize anyone who was weak or vulnerable. No, his marks had all been wealthy people and those looking for hope or dreams, something they hoped he could supply. Still, he'd been greedy and arrogant and sure that the world was his for the taking.

And then Red John had appeared in his life and stripped everything that was good, that was decent from him. It had almost destroyed him, not only his soul, but his very life. He sometimes wondered, even now, how it was that he'd survived. He knew he had Sophie to thank for that at the beginning – but she was not the only one, nor the main one, who had given him the desire to go on.

When he'd shown up that day at the CBI he'd been only half a man, a man walking in the shadows of a very dark and lonely world. He had no purpose in life other than to find and to kill the man who had taken everything from him. There was nothing left inside of him except guilt, self-hatred and vengeance. That was who he was, that was what he lived for.

But then – he'd met the young agent by the name of Teresa Lisbon who had taken over the Red John case. Teresa Lisbon. Who knew that she, as much if not more than Sophie Miller, would be his salvation?

He hadn't realized, in those early days, how much she would eventually come to mean to him. She became his tenuous connection to life. She kept him going, gave him a reason for being that was not just Red John.

Slowly, over time, he'd begun to actually live again. Not a complete life, certainly not a whole one, but at least he _was_ alive, and he had a purpose. He helped people – he, Patrick Jane, conman and the man responsible for killing his wife and child – could do something worthwhile. It was a start and Teresa had given him that.

He'd begun to heal, step by step, little by little. He was far from healed and knew he never would be, not completely. But the deep and horrific wounds had scabbed over and life had gone on. Again, he had Teresa to thank for that.

Her faith in him was what had made it possible for him to believe there was more than vengeance. She made him believe there was goodness in the world – because she was herself full of goodness.

He didn't know quite when his connection to her, his reliance on her, his happiness in her presence had turned to love. But it had. He loved her, with all his scarred, damaged soul he loved her.

He'd known there was something between them for a long time but had refused to allow himself to fully admit what that was. The acknowledgement, for him had come when he'd been on the island. Once he'd begun to let go of the hatred and the quest for revenge he'd allowed other emotions to enter his consciousness. As he'd written those letters to Teresa he'd thought of her, of all the times she'd been there for him, of her smile, her frown, her irritation at him, her laughter. The walls he'd built around his heart had begun to crack and crumble – but they weren't completely gone. What was left was a foundation of fear. The fear that she wouldn't love him, that she couldn't love him, that he was too damaged for her.

So he didn't say anything to her. Instead he let things continue the way they had been for so long. He enjoyed her presence. He loved to see her each day although it wasn't with the closeness they'd once had. He loved her, but from a distance.

It was only when Pike showed up that he realized. By not saying anything, by letting fear rule him, he had ensured that things would change, that it would no longer be the two of them against the world. He watched as Lisbon began to smile and to laugh and to appear lighter and happier than she had been in a long time. And he knew it was Pike who had done this for her.

He wanted to say something cutting to the man. He wanted to torment him and ridicule him and point out all the man's weaknesses and faults. He wanted to humiliate him in front of his team. He wanted to do all these things, but he didn't. He knew it would only make Teresa angry – but more than that, he wanted her to be happy.

The first time she'd gone out with Marcus he'd felt a sharp jolt of pain. It was something he hadn't felt in a while and he was surprised at how shocked he was. He'd been numb for a long time but this – this brought back memories he didn't want to revive.

The second and third times he saw them leave together the pain was just as intense but now it had seeped throughout his soul.

He handled it well. He was actually proud of himself. For _once_ he was acting mature and was trying to be selfless. It almost killed him.

He glanced around the bullpen and saw that everyone was hard at work. Teresa was out of the office for the day, attending some kind of training session. He wondered briefly if she was meeting Pike after work, but then shied away from thinking about it. There was no point. What's done was done. He'd been too afraid to speak and now he'd lost her.

Once again his negligence and arrogance had cost him the woman he loved.

"Jane?"

He glanced up to see Abbott regarding him with a frown. The senior agent waved him over and Jane slowly sat up and put his legs over the side of his couch. He didn't know what Abbott wanted – as far as he knew he'd been on his best behavior – but the man didn't look happy.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked jauntily. Never let them see you down – that was his motto and one he'd followed faithfully for years. There's no way he wanted anyone to know how he was suffering.

It was only as he walked into Abbott's office that he realized someone else was there. His eyebrows flew up – it was obviously some sort of government official.

"This is Marie Steward from Family Services", Abbott told him. "Uh – she asked to see you and since it's a private, family matter I'll just leave you two alone." As Abbott walked past him he briefly squeezed Jane's shoulder then closed the door behind him.

Patrick watched Abbott leave with a puzzled frown and then looked to the serious looking woman in front of him and tried to read her. He could tell she was upset about something, but it wasn't anything personal to her. No, he realized, she had bad news to impart. His own frown grew. Abbott had said she was from Family Services – but since he had no family, at least that he knew, he couldn't figure out what she was about to say. That very fact bothered him because, for once, he felt out of his element.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jane", she said with a sad smile. "Please, sit down."

He was being managed and he didn't like it, never liked it, even though he knew she was trying to be kind. Still, he might as well play along, so he took a couple of steps forward and sat down.

"I don't have any family, so you don't need to be upset about telling me whatever you're planning to tell me", he told her. "I've already lost all the family I had."

Two slight lines appeared between her brows and her head tilted. "I'm so sorry", she told him in response to his words. He would have said something witty or sarcastic except he recognized that she was actually being sincere. This was a woman who truly cared about people. So, instead of saying something rude or obnoxious, he sighed. "What is it you wanted to tell me?"

"Do you know a Daniel Ruskin?" she asked, sounding hesitant and compassionate both.

Oh God! _Danny_! He hadn't even been thinking about his brother-in-law. It had been so long since he'd seen or heard from the man that he hadn't crossed his mind. But now - something had happened to him. He was suddenly glad he was sitting down. Why hadn't he thought of Danny? He _was_ family – if not by blood, then by family ties. He was, in fact, the only person Jane had left that was even close to family.

"Yes", he answered, closing his eyes at the gravelly noise that came out of his mouth. "Yes", he repeated, more strongly. "He's dead?" He asked it as a question, although he knew he didn't need to. He could see it on the woman's face.

"I'm so sorry", she told him, leaning slightly forward as if she wanted to reach out to him. "He was killed, along with his wife, in a traffic accident four days ago. If it's any consolation, it happened instantly."

He stood quickly and walked towards the window. After a few seconds he frowned and turned to Marie. "His _wife_? He was married?"

"Yes. Her name was Emma Johnson. She was twenty-six."

His eyes closed as he thought about the young life, ended too soon. And then there was Danny. All he could think about was that Angela would be devastated – _would have_ been devastated to lose her only brother. The two had been close, at least before Angela had run off with him. Now the last of the Ruskins was dead. At that moment he realized that he too felt devastated. He felt like he too had lost the last remaining member of his family – the only other person who had loved Angela as much as had he. It was as if she died all over again.

"How come you contacted me?" he asked after the silence had gone on for a while. His back was turned to the woman because he didn't want her to see his tears. Whatever had happened before, at least he and Danny had had a chance to talk and to have some sort of reconciliation. But that didn't make the loss any less painful.

"You were listed in his will", the woman told him gently. "It took us a couple of days to get it from his lawyer and then to find you."

"His _will_?" Jane turned around and stared at the woman – clearly a social worker. "Danny had a will? But he didn't have anything to leave in a will." Not unless he had _really_ turned his life around since the last time Patrick had seen him.

"I'm afraid he did", she told him, sounding hesitant, almost frightened.

"What? Did he win at poker? Ha", he let out a sharp laugh. "He left me the deed to the Hoover dam or the Empire State Building." When she looked at him as if he had two heads he shook his head. "Danny was – anyway, it wouldn't surprise me if he left me something like that." When she didn't reply right away he looked at her sharply. "So, what was it?"

"Uh – Mr. and Mrs. Ruskin had a daughter. She was at the babysitters when they were killed. They named you as her guardian in the event that something happened to them."

He couldn't think. His brain was twirling in circles and he couldn't get it to stop. It was as if he was on a merry-go-round that was going faster and faster and all he could do was hang on with all his strength so as not to get flung off.

"Mr. Jane? Are you alright?"

"A – daughter? Danny had a daughter?"

"Yes. Her name is Lily – Lily Angela Ruskin. She's six months old."

Danny had a little girl? He sat down heavily and leaned forward, his head in his hands. How could he not have known? Why hadn't Danny told him? It couldn't be that he was still angry with him, or else surely he wouldn't have named him as guardian.

He was named as the little girl's guardian! What was Danny thinking? "Uh – what about his wife – uh – Emma, what about her family?"

"It looks like she didn't have any. She was orphaned at a young age and was placed with a foster family. She left at eighteen and then we don't have any information on her until now. She and Mr. Ruskin were married ten months ago."

"Where were they killed?"

"In Las Vegas. Mr. Ruskin was working as a dealer at one of the casinos. I'm afraid you're the only family available", the woman said carefully. "If you don't take her she'll be placed with a foster family until we can get a court order to allow her to be adopted."

His first thought was that that would be best. The child would do much better being with a family than with him. That thought was immediately followed by a strong feeling of guilt. How would Danny feel knowing his daughter was adopted out, never to know anything about her real family? What would Angela say? He knew his wife would have given him hell for even _thinking_ about letting the little girl go. She had been fiercely loyal to family – believed in it with all her soul. She had also been proud of the Ruskin name, even though her parents were nothing but carny folk. Still, they had been carny royalty – which was more than he could say about the Janes.

"Mr. Jane? What would you like to do?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry – this has been a shock. Where is the little girl now?"

"She's with social services in Las Vegas. A licensed child-care worker is caring for her for in her home but she can't stay there for long. She needs a stable home environment."

Jane nodded. "I'll – uh – have to talk to Abbott. What do I have to do?"

"Well, you'll have to fill out some paperwork – it's nothing too onerous – and then you can come and get her."

"That's it?" he frowned. "That's all?"

"Well, they'll check to make sure you aren't a child-molester and that you can afford to keep her – but otherwise there isn't much since the Ruskins named you as her guardian."

He wondered what would happen when they looked into him more closely. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be allowed to be anyone's guardian. Still, maybe he could ask for visitation rights or something? In the meantime, he needed to see her. "Let me talk to Abbott."

He found Abbott in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee. He looked up as Jane entered. "Everything okay?" he asked, looking worriedly at the man in front of him. He'd rarely seen Jane fazed by anything, but right now the man was looking both pale and shaky. "Are you alright?"

"Uh – can I talk to you alone Dennis?" he asked. The two men made their way into an interrogation room where Jane explained everything to him.

"I'd like to take off a few days to get things arranged", he said. "I'll have to fly to Vegas and pick her up and get things set up in the trailer."

"A trailer isn't going to be big enough for you and a baby."

"Dennis, do you honestly think they're going to let me keep her, with my background? This will just be temporary until we can find her a good home."

"I don't suppose you'd want to look after a little baby anyway", Abbott said with a small grin. "Feeding, changing diapers, wiping up drool!"

"Right", he grinned, although inside his heart sped up. He remembered so well when Charlotte was little, even thought it had been so many years ago now. He'd always loved babies and didn't mind, in the least, all the things Abbott had listed.

"Okay – you can take as much time as you need – within reason", he cautioned the other man. "I'm sure the others won't mind once they know -"

"Actually Dennis", Jane interrupted. "Could you do something for me?"

"Okay", Abbott frowned, unused to Jane ever _asking _for something rather than manipulating his way, or demanding things.

"I don't want anyone else to know about this. I – this will probably be for just a few days and I'd rather not have to deal with any questions. It'll be easier that way."

"But – won't you tell Lisbon?"

Jane grimaced slightly. "No. She doesn't need a distraction right now."

"Jane – when are you going to _say_ something to her?"

"Say what?" he asked innocently.

Abbott sighed. "You're an intelligent man Jane – and we both know exactly what I'm talking about. _Tell _her or you're going to lose her."

He wanted to run away, where no one knew him or could see the heart that was obviously beating wildly on his sleeve. She was never his to lose, even though he couldn't imagine life without her. He looked at Abbott, for once not trying to dissemble and said softly. "She deserves to be happy and Pike's a nice guy."

"Yes he is – and you're an idiot – and I'm pretty sure Teresa prefers idiots to nice, decent guys. But it's your funeral!"

"So, you won't say anything?" he said after a minute.

"No – I'll tell them I've sent you on a case to Vegas to try and find a notorious card shark."

"Really?" he smiled. "That would be fun."

"Remember you're not in Vegas for fun Jane. Get your business finished quickly and then get back here."

So here he was on a plane to Vegas going to pick up a six month old baby – his niece. God, he hadn't ever thought of Danny as the marrying type, and _certainly_ not the baby-making type. He wondered again why his brother-in-law hadn't been in touch.

The social worker met him at the airport and was to drive him to see the baby. She didn't say much and allowed him to sit back and quietly watch Vegas pass by outside his window. He thought of the last time he'd been here, and then quickly pulled his mind back to the present. He hadn't enjoyed Vegas then and certainly didn't plan on enjoying it now. It wasn't his favorite city anymore – too full of conmen and those who were truly wicked.

They pulled up to a neat, middle-class house, in a neat, middle-class neighborhood. He waited for Mrs. Ingers, the social worker and followed her to the front door.

A woman was waiting for them and she smiled pleasantly. "You must be Mr. Jane", she said, sounding pleased. "I'm Anne. And Rebekah! Do come in. Just have a seat while I get Lily."

He waited silently, his heart and his leg both thumping in nervous anticipation. He really didn't know what to think or how to feel. He still hadn't dealt with his emotions over Danny's death although in some ways it was just another thing to add to the bucket of constant grief that resided within him.

But a baby! He had no idea what he was going to do. He'd gotten in touch with a lawyer, at Abbott's suggestion and had found out that there was little standing in the way of him taking her. For all his problems with the law – his two sojourns in jail, the fact that he'd been wanted for the death of Thomas McAllister – none of those things meant anything as he hadn't been charged. Well, he'd been charged once, but then had been acquitted.

It would have been different, the lawyer had told him, if he'd just decided to adopt a child out of the blue. But the fact that Danny and his wife had gone to a lawyer and had drawn up a will, specifying him as guardian, cut through what would have been reams of red tape if that hadn't been the case. And it turned out that Danny had not just given his name, but had written out a lengthy letter, which he'd had notarized, detailing why he wanted Jane as guardian.

It was for that reason that Patrick didn't know if he could possibly let Lily be adopted out. Danny had very clearly wanted him as guardian. Could he deny the man's last wish?

"Here she is!" The woman – he couldn't even recall her name – walked out holding a tiny bundle.

His heart stopped. The little girl with the bright blue eyes and killer smile – looked just like Charlotte.

"Are you alright Mr. Jane?" Rebekah Ingers moved to his side and grasped his arm. "Oh dear – I think he's going to faint."

The next thing he knew his head was being pressed down between his knees. He was confused, not sure why he was like this or who was doing this to him. He didn't_ think_ it was bad since the touch on his neck was gentle but –

It came back to him. _Lily_ It was Lily, not Charlotte. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and then forced himself to sit up. He felt rather foolish, which is something he hated with a passion.

"Are you alright?" the Social Worker asked with concern.

"I'm fine", he smiled. "Sorry – she just reminded me -"

Rebekah canted her head, a question in her eyes. "She reminded you?

"Of my daughter", he said in a rush. "Lily's cousin. She was – killed."

"Oh, I'm so sorry", the woman reached out again and laid her hand on his leg. "That must be hard." She glanced over at the woman still holding Lily. "Maybe you should take her back -"

"NO!, no", he said more softly the second time. "It's okay. It was just the initial shock." He smiled and tried to relax. "I'm fine." He stood up and walked to the baby, who gave him a big smile and held out her little arms.

"Hello there", he crooned. He held open his arms and the next thing he knew he was holding a soft, warm little body that seemed perfectly content with the change in person. "Aren't you a little darling?"

"She likes you", the caregiver – _Anne_, that was her name – said. "She's a little sweatheart. Poor thing though, to lose her parents. It's a good thing she has you."

Jane doubted that, but wasn't about to say anything. "Uh – so what do I have to do to take her?" he asked, gently bouncing her up and down.

"The paper work is all complete", Rebekah told him. "You just have to get all her things. My understanding is that everything is packed up and ready to go. The only thing you'll have to purchase are some more diapers and formula and – I'm afraid a car seat. Hers was damaged in the accident", she said gently.

He nodded but then looked down at the baby, who was now gumming her fist. Ah, teething. He was in for some fun times. He leaned his head forward and kissed the soft curly blond baby hair. "So, I guess it's just you and me kid."


	2. Be My Baby

_**Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm glad people are enjoying this story. My plan is for a short, few chapter story - but I never know - it may go longer (depending on reviews of course - blatant bribery). **_

It had taken a full week to get everything sorted out concerning Lily. He'd also found out that he was executor of Danny's will – which didn't mean much more than packing up his and Emma's things and taking most of them to Goodwill. Danny hadn't really left anything. He and his wife looked as if they'd been living pretty much hand to mouth. He did keep a few items – picture albums and personal mementos to give to Lily when she was older. Still, it made him horribly sad when he saw how little there was to show for two lives gone.

But then he looked at Lily and realized that wasn't true. They'd left something precious; something incomparable to the world and that was how it should be. He thought briefly of Charlotte and he wanted to weep.

But he didn't really have the time. After he'd disposed of her parent's things, Jane had to gather everything of Lily's and pack it all up. Some of it he decided would be easier to simply replace rather than having it shipped. In the end there were only a few boxes. Again, the Ruskins hadn't had much.

He'd asked Anne if Lily could stay with her for a couple of extra days while he ran around and did everything that needed to be done. He remembered enough about looking after a small child to know it would be almost impossible to get anything done if he had to take her with him. Fortunately she agreed and he was able to move quickly and efficiently to finalize everything.

The day finally came when he was ready to take her back with him to Austin. He had rented a car and had purchased a new car seat and was all set to go. He had a small diaper bag with the necessary items for the trip, a plane ticket and all her papers. He also had a letter from Danny. This one had been addressed to him and remained sealed. He was going to wait until he was home before opening it and reading it.

"Okay Miss Lily", he told the little girl who was giving him another big grin as she gnawed on a teething ring. "It's time to go."

He shook Anne's hand and thanked her and then picked up the baby and headed out to a new life. He didn't know whether to be excited or terrified.

By the time he got home to Austin he realized that neither emotion was at the top of his list. The emotion he should have been thinking of was exhaustion – or maybe he should say the _reality_. He'd forgotten how much work a young child could be. She was a sweetheart and was happy most of the time – but she had grown fussy half-way home and he'd had quite a time keeping her from driving everyone on the plane crazy. He knew it was mostly her teeth, but had to figure she was also missing her parents. Besides that he had heard that planes – and the changing pressure – often bothered young babies.

Whatever the cause, by the time he got back home he was ready to collapse. Of course Lily was now wide awake, hungry and not in the least interested in taking a nap.

Jane got back to his Airstream and quickly set up the travel crib and plunked the baby down in it so that he could get a bottle ready for her. Not surprisingly, she began to wail, sounding as if she was being tortured by the evil man in the suit.

He stripped off his jacket, sweaty and sticky from travelling. The spit up and drool on the shoulder were also rather unattractive and reminded him of Rigsby. "Just a minute", he called to the crying baby. He made the formula and put it in the warmer. He took the opportunity to change her – causing even louder cries but knowing they'd both be happier if she had a dry bum.

"Okay, okay", he told her breathlessly. "It's almost ready. Do you know you're as bad as Wayne when you're hungry!" He carried her over to the little kitchenette area and tested the bottle. It could be a bit warmer, but he figured it was worth his life to wait.

He sat on the bench seat and held Lily in one arm and offered her the bottle. Of course she fought it with all she was worth, now so upset that she was refusing to eat. Closing his eyes he wondered if this had been a good idea after all. He really wasn't cut out to be a father to an infant.

Or to an older child, he scoffed. He didn't have a good record in the fatherhood department so what had made him think he could do this?

He finally set the bottle down and readjusted Lily so that she was sitting up a bit more. He then began to speak to her in a soft monotone.

"Hey baby, don't cry. It's okay. Patrick is here and soon everything will be all right. I love you and you're safe. Don't cry." He repeated the words over and over until slowly she began to calm down. She was looking at him directly, her beautiful blue eyes connecting with his, almost as if she understood. Finally, after a few minutes she settled down completely. This time, when he gave her the bottle, she leaned back and sucked hungrily on it.

By the time the bottle was finished Lily was sound asleep and Jane stared at her for a long time. While he still saw something of Charlotte in her, he now saw her as her own person. She was Lily and she was his responsibility. He lifted her slowly and kissed her soft cheek. But she wasn't just a responsibility. He smiled and suddenly wondered if maybe – just maybe – his life had just taken a turn for the better.

He spent the next few days looking for childcare for Lily. He'd have to go back to work soon and needed to have somewhere dependable to leave her. It was Abbott that gave him the solution by telling him about the FBI sponsored daycare. It was not on the premises – since the Oklahoma bombing they no longer allowed that – but it was only a couple of blocks away. Dennis told him that it had a great reputation and that they had someone available after hours in case an agent got caught up in a case. He helped get Lily in as they were not actually taking more children.

It was hard to leave her there, that first day, although he liked the caregivers he met. The children there looked happy and like they received lots of love and attention. He'd waved goodbye to the little girl – _his _little girl and she'd giggled and bounced in the arms of one of the childcare workers. It had been hard to leave her, but he still had lots to do before going back to work.

The first thing was to try to find a place to live. He contacted a real estate agent – also on the recommendation of Abbott – and was soon checking out apartments. He finally found a townhouse that was reasonably close to work and had a nice, enclosed yard. He put down a deposit and then began to look for furniture. The apartment was vacant and simply needed a bit of painting and repairs before he could move in so he had another week in the Airstream. It wasn't ideal – in fact it was way too cramped for a baby – but it was better than nothing.

Monday finally rolled around and he was ready to go back into work. He dropped Lily off with a big kiss and then headed to FBI headquarters. He still hadn't decided what, if anything to say to everyone.

He knew that eventually he'd have to tell them, but not right now. He was still trying to get his head around the idea of having a small child to look after and didn't want to deal with people's reactions.

In actual fact, if he was honest, it was Teresa's reaction that frightened him.

Dennis had informed him that all he'd said to everyone was that Jane had had a personal matter to deal with and would be gone for a few days. Patrick was sure that Teresa, at least, would be dying of curiosity, but knew that he could trust Abbott not to say anything.

He headed up the stairs and towards his couch, feeling exhausted even though the day hadn't even started. Lily had been up half the night crying because of her teeth and he hoped that they didn't catch a case today so that he could sleep. Then there was the fact that he worried about her. He knew it was crazy. He'd only had her for a few days but was already panicking about leaving her at the daycare.

"Hey Jane – you're back!" He stopped suddenly, almost having walked right into Agent Fischer. Damn it, but he had to pull himself together.

"I am indeed", he smiled. He decided he really needed a tea and switched direction but not before Kim had reached out and gently grabbed his arm. He regarded her enquiringly.

"So, is everything okay? We were worried."

"Were you?" he raised his brows. "That's nice. But everything's fine." He gave her another smile and headed off to the kitchen. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Cho lift his head. Although he knew that Kimball would never let on that he was curious, he was also probably dying to know where he'd been.

He got a cup of tea and instantly felt better. He made his way to his couch, just in time to see Teresa waltz in with Marcus. She gave her boyfriend a smile and a quick hug and then watched him as he headed off to his floor. She then meandered over to her desk, a rather serious expression on her face.

It took her a moment to realize that Jane was back on his couch. When she did she stopped and immediately looked relieved. A moment later and her expression flattened out as she headed toward him.

"Jane! Long time no see", she commented cheerfully.

"That's true." He gave a single nod of his head and then took a sip of tea. For some reason, which he refused to analyze, he felt irritated. He wasn't about to let it show so instead replied calmly, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"So, where did you go?"

He raised his eyebrows at her. "I was away on personal business. Didn't Abbott tell you?"

She laughed, although he could tell it was strained. She was trying to appear as if nothing was bothering her but obviously something was. He wanted to shake his head at the two of them. Why had they come to this after so many years of friendship?

"He did. But I know you don't really have any personal business", she said, making air quotes around the words, "I figured you just wanted a break so you invented something. That was it, wasn't it?"

He stared at her blankly, although he felt an unaccustomed surge of fury at her words. Was he so pathetic that she didn't think he had any business outside of the FBI and her? "No, that _wasn't_ it", he told her abruptly. He took another sip, needing the fortification. "I had personal business – and that means it was personal. Anything else you wanted to know?"

She looked shocked at his unaccustomed sharpness. It's not that she hadn't heard it before, but rarely if ever directed at her.

"Uh no. I'm sorry Jane, I didn't mean to imply -"

He waved his hand, interrupting her. "It's okay. Normally would be true anyway. It's not like I have a lot going on in my life."

"I didn't mean -"

"It's _okay_ Teresa, leave it."

She nodded and began to head back to her desk. At the last minute she turned. "I'm glad you're back."

"Mmm", he nodded, although he didn't look up. If he had he would have seen her hurt look, although the way he was feeling right now, he probably wouldn't have cared anyway.

He sat and read some files that Abbott wanted him to check out. At the same time he kept glancing at his watch every few minutes, wondering how Lily was doing at the daycare. He wished he could go and get her. She was quickly becoming essential to his life.

A few minutes later his phone dinged and he pulled it out of his pocket, wondering who could be texting him. One look and he smiled. It was the daycare and they had sent a note, along with a picture of a laughing Lily.

"_Lily doing fine and fitting in nicely. Here's a picture of her smiling."_

He kept looking at the picture, a soft smile on his own face. He didn't notice the looks of the others as they watched him.

"What's up with Jane?" Wylie whispered to Cho. "Looks like something nice on his phone."

"I don't know", Cho answered, although he too looked curious.

"I bet it's a woman", Wylie answered. "That's probably why he was gone. He's met someone and just spent a romantic week away. Now she's sending him texts and telling him she misses him."

Cho raised one brow and scowled. He didn't say anything though because Wylie's scenario was likely. It's not that he'd ever really known Jane to date – except for a case – but the man had been alone for a lot of years. It was about time he met someone and restarted his life. "I hope that's the case", was all he said.

Lisbon too had noticed Jane as he kept looking at his phone. Unlike Wylie, her mind didn't immediately go to the thought of another woman. Instead she came up with a number of likely scenarios. Jane had to be plotting something, and she was sure she'd find out soon. At least she hoped he was. She frowned, unused to wishing for one of Jane's schemes. But something was wrong with him and she wished she could figure out what it was. He'd been acting strangely lately and she didn't know what to make of it. She was also curious at to where he'd been the past week and felt hurt that he hadn't confided in her.

Jane looked at his watch, but this time it was because he was getting hungry. He pushed himself to his feet and headed towards the cafeteria to grab a bite. Normally he brought himself something but hadn't had time that morning. Getting Lily ready had taken all his extra time.

He returned a few minutes later, sandwich in hand, and ran into Abbott in the kitchen. "Jane, how are things going?"

"Fine Dennis, just fine. Uh, thanks for the time off."

"Everything work out okay? You look a bit tired."

"Everything is great", he grinned. "Although I am a bit tired. Lily kept me up most of the night."

"They'll do that", Abbott laughed. "But I'm sure she's worth it. I bet she's a charmer."

"That she is" Jane agreed, with an even bigger grin. "She's beautiful and she's the best thing to come into my life since -" he shrugged and smiled, not needing to say more. "But I'm not used to how much work she is. I thought I remembered, but it's been a lot of years. It's the nighttime activity that gets me." He sighed. "I guess I'm just not as young as I was the last time."

"No, but you're still young enough to enjoy her. I'm happy for you Patrick and if there's anything I can do, let me know. Oh, and by the way, Hope says she'd love to meet Lily so bring her over anytime."

"Thanks, I will." Abbott headed back to his office and Jane sat at the kitchen table to eat his lunch. What he didn't see was Teresa standing outside the doorway, her face blank with shock.

Jane had a girlfriend and according to him she was the best thing that had happened to him since he'd lost his wife. She slowly made her way back to her desk, feeling like her world had just crumbled.


	3. Baby Blues and Raspberries

_**I'm so glad people are enjoying this little story. Thank you for all the kind reviews. I will get back to you - just taking all my time writing new chapters. Feedback is always greatly appreciated (and see, it makes me write faster).**_

Jane couldn't help but laugh. He'd just given Lily her bath and was blowing raspberries on her tummy. She pulled her legs up sharply and erupted into baby belly laughs. Soon he was laughing along with her.

Damn but it felt good! He couldn't really remember laughing this hard for years. He'd smiled, he'd grinned, he'd even had moments of real joy. But a true, deep laugh? No, that was something he couldn't remember doing for a long, long time.

They finally both calmed down and he finished dressing her. He'd actually had to go out and buy some new clothes for her as she was already growing out of the few things she'd had. He'd played the helpless dad and a kind store clerk had helped him through the whole process. He had to admit that he'd had fun, even though shopping was usually far down on his list of things he wanted to do.

"I bet you're hungry, aren't you Miss Lily", he asked as he picked her up and carried her to the kitchenette. He placed her in her highchair and went to get the baby cereal. "Okay, let's see if today we can get more _in_ you than _on_ you", he told her cheerfully. The pediatrician had told him it was time to start Lily on solids. Their first foray had been – interesting, and very, very messy.

He mixed up the baby pablum and made his way over to her. His eyes narrowed as he advanced on her slowly. "Okay – you _will_ cooperate", he told her, with a spooky accent. She giggled and pounded her hand on the highchair tray. "Yes, you say that now, but I don't trust you Missy. Just looking innocent doesn't mean a thing. Ask me, _I_ know."

He was quite proud of the fact that the process went better this time. He had figured out a technique – spoon in, immediately scrape off the cereal that leaked out, and push it back in. Lily seemed happy with that method, grinning her way through the whole thing. "There! We got through that without a – _Lily!"_ he exclaimed as she blew a raspberry of her own. It would have been cute, except for the fact that her mouth was full of cereal at the time.

Jane slowly wiped the dripping cereal off his face, shaking his head at the laughing baby. She tried it again, obviously thinking the whole thing had been marvelously funny.

After dinner he wiped her down and took her out of her chair and sat with her on the floor. He propped her up on a baby pillow and grabbed some of her toys. She laughed and giggled and swatted them for all of five minutes when – "Phew!" Jane wrinkled his nose. "Lily, I just gave you a bath! Why couldn't you have done that _before_?" He picked her up and took her to the bed, where he laid out a changing pad. In the end he'd had to give her a second bath. Obviously being on solids had created a whole new reality for him to deal with.

He finally had her dressed, this time in her sleeper. They played for a while longer until he caught her beginning to rub her eyes with her fist. "Tired? Well, Lily, it's time for beddy bye." He lifted her up, changed her diaper and gave her one last bottle. By the time it was done she was sound asleep.

Jane continued to hold her and rock her for a few more minutes, simply enjoying the feeling of a small baby cuddled in his arms. He kissed her gently and finally laid her in her crib. "I love you baby girl", he whispered with a smile. He watched her for a few more seconds and then stretched. It wasn't that late, but he was almost ready for bed himself. He just hoped she would sleep through the night tonight. Her two bottom teeth had finally popped out and she seemed much happier, so hopefully they'd both have a good night.

He read for a while after getting ready for bed, but found he couldn't concentrate. Instead he kept thinking about Teresa, wondering what was wrong with her.

After lunch he'd headed back to his couch, passing her on the way. He'd made a casual comment to her and she'd swung her head to look at him. He had stopped dead, unused to seeing the look of anguish on her face. "Teresa!" he'd exclaimed, hurrying to her side. "What is it? What's wrong?" He reached out his hand but was startled when she'd backed away. "Teresa?" he'd repeated. "What is it?"

"Nothing. It's nothing Jane."

"But -"

"It's _private_", she'd snapped. "You do remember what that means, right?"

He felt like he'd been slapped, but knew she was just throwing his words back in his face. He frowned and felt increasingly worried. "I don't want to pry -"

"Yes you do", she laughed bitterly and rubbed her eyes. "But – don't. I'm fine and I just need to be left alone."

He'd watched her for a few seconds and then had nodded. He made his way slowly to his couch, not knowing what else to do.

He kept his eye on her for the rest of the afternoon, but she hadn't said anything and had barely looked up from her desk. She was doing some kind of paperwork, but he was pretty sure it wasn't anything so important she couldn't even spare a moment to get up and stretch or go to the bathroom.

Immediately the clock hit 5:00 she was up and out of the office. He saw Marcus waiting for her and felt a pang when the agent reached out and gave her a hug. He couldn't tell if Teresa hugged him back because by that time he was no longer looking. He'd waited a bit and then had stood and made his own way out. He had to pick up the baby.

He tried to figure out what was wrong, what it could be. She had been okay before lunch – a bit hurt if he read her correctly, but certainly not that upset. Something had clearly happened to have seriously thrown her. He wondered if Abbott knew – and whether or not the man would tell him if he did know.

Either Cho or Fischer might know – he was pretty sure Wylie wouldn't have a clue. But he'd noticed both of them looking at her curiously through the afternoon as well. No, they probably didn't have any idea either.

He put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He was going to have to get to the bottom of this because there was no way in hell he was going to let Teresa suffer by herself. Even though she now had Marcus, he still was going to watch out for her. It was the least he could do after all she'd sacrificed for him over the years. Even though she didn't love him, he was her friend and would always remain so. He'd have to start investigating quietly and see if he could fix this for her.

On that note he settled down and fell asleep, exhausted with all that had happened over the past week and a half. Although Lily didn't wake up, he still didn't get the rest he needed as his sleep was disturbed by strange dreams of a hurt Lisbon.

* * *

><p>Teresa didn't know how she got through the afternoon. She'd wanted to scream at Jane – to tell him he had no right to date anoth – a woman. How could he <em>do<em> this to her? They'd known each other for twelve years and he didn't even have the decency to inform her that he was seeing someone – and someone who made him happy!

She wanted to cry. It was so unfair. How come he could fall so easily for another woman after all they'd been to one another? She'd waited faithfully for him for years – waited while he dealt with his guilt and his anger, and while he exacted his revenge. She'd waited while he spent two years on a tropical island, hiding from the police and the FBI. She'd waited when he returned and they again worked together. Why had he gone off with another woman?

Because you were dating Marcus, her conscience told her. You stopped waiting Teresa – you stopped and he moved on. As sad as she was, as angry as she was, she couldn't really fault him. He'd done what she'd done and found someone to love. No, that wasn't quite true. She'd found someone to love _her_. She couldn't honestly say she loved Marcus.

Oh, she liked him – a lot. He was good for her. He was simple and straightforward. He was honest and kind and didn't play games. He loved her and let her know exactly how he felt. He wanted her and he told her so regularly. He also wanted her to move with him to DC.

She'd tried to love him, really she had. But she had known that there was something holding her back, and that something was Patrick Jane. She had kept hoping he would say something, that he would tell her to get rid of Marcus. She was waiting for him to be sarcastic, to ridicule the other man – to make him look foolish. Then he'd grin at her and say he was sorry (even though he wasn't) and he'd make her laugh and things would go back to normal. But he hadn't. He had been kind and understanding and just kept telling her he wanted her to be happy.

"Well I'm not happy you ass!" she shouted. "How the hell do you expect me to be happy when you can't even be bothered to show me you care whether or not I date someone or move to Mars with them! You are a selfish, egotistical _jerk_!" Her wall did not appreciate the teacup that was thrown at it and nor did the cup. She looked at the shattered pieces and dissolved into tears. That was Patrick's special cup – the one he used when he came to her place – and she'd destroyed it.

"Is that what I did?" she whispered. "Did I destroy any chance of something between us?" she asked the broken cup. "But Marcus told me he loved me", she cried. "Oh Jane – why couldn't it have been you?"

She slowly cleaned up the broken shards – the remainder of her dreams – and then sat in the dark, thinking about all the years that had taken her to this point. Maybe she should go to DC. Maybe if she started fresh, with a man who loved her, she'd feel better and would begin to get over Jane.

She sighed and slowly stood up. She was pretty sure that she was never going to get over him. He had worked his way into her life, into her very being, years ago.

"Damn you Jane", she whispered. "Why can't you love me?"

* * *

><p>The next morning Jane got to work early, determined to figure out what was wrong with Teresa. He knew Abbott was usually the first in so decided to beard the lion in his den first thing.<p>

"Dennis!" he called as the agent made his way across the floor, extra large coffee cup in hand.

"Jane?" Abbott looked at him warily. "What is it?"

"I want to ask you something." Jane waited until Abbott had entered his office and then bounced in after him, carefully closing the door.

Dennis took a sip of coffee and closed his eyes. It was way too early to deal with Patrick Jane. He sighed. "What is it?" he asked again.

"Teresa," Jane answered shortly.

When nothing else came Abbott opened his eyes. "What about her?"

"What's wrong with her? Did something happen?"

Dennis frowned. "As far as I know there's nothing wrong with her. Why?"

"_Why_? Didn't you notice her yesterday?" Jane asked impatiently.

"Uh no. She seemed to be working hard."

"Yes, of _course_ she was. She always works hard. But it wasn't that, didn't you see her face?"

"No. Jane, what is it? I don't know anything about Teresa, except -", he stopped suddenly and took a deep breath. "As far as I know, everything is fine."

"Except what?" Jane, of course, would have caught the pause. "What do you know?"

Abbott shook his head, wondering why he was even dealing with this. It had nothing to do with FBI business. But it did have to do with your team, the little voice in his head whispered. "I don't _know _anything. What I _think_ is that you and she need to have a good talk."

Jane frowned and looked puzzled. "Talk? About what?"

Abbott shook his head. "For a brilliant man you can be so blind, do you know that? You need to talk about your relationship."

"Our – we're friends", he shrugged.

"Mmm hmm – and I expect that's the problem. Now, if there's nothing else, I have work to do and I'm sure you have – something important as well. I don't know anything so I suggest you speak directly to Lisbon and find out what's bothering her, if, in fact, there is something.

Jane left, frustrated and sure that Abbott knew something. And what had he meant about their relationship? He was pretty sure no one knew how he felt about her – he was too good at hiding his feelings. What he wasn't sure about – and he hated that thought – was that he no longer knew how Teresa regarded him.

Up until Marcus he would have said that Teresa cared for him –probably slightly more than as just a friend. Now however, she was simply angry at him and was withdrawing from him.

He supposed it was natural. If he were Marcus he would have hated having her close to another man, even if that man were nothing but a friend. She probably realized that and had pulled away from him to spare Pike's feelings. And did _that_ make him mad! She was his friend – practically his only friend – and she had just picked up the first man to come along and begin sleeping with him.

He slammed back to his desk, not paying any attention to anyone or anything. Cho raised an eyebrow as he walked past, but didn't say anything. It was a good thing because Jane would have made some scathing comment if he had.

A while later Teresa came in, looking pale and tired. She smiled and said hi to everyone – everyone but Jane.

He watched her carefully, trying to figure out what had happened by looking at her. For once his phenomenal ability to read emotions seemed to have deserted him. Instead he wanted to rush over to her and just give her a hug. From the look of her she probably would have hit him if he'd tried.

At the last second she glanced over to him and gave him a smile. It was a pathetic attempt, but it _was_ an attempt. He opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong when he saw the deep pain in her eyes. But it was only there for a moment and then whatever she was thinking or feeling was closed off from him. Her eyes shuttered and he knew the door had been slammed in his face.

"You okay?" Cho asked her.

"I'm fine", she replied. "Just tired. I think I'm fighting off a cold or something."

"Or something", muttered Fischer, with a glance towards Jane. He frowned, suddenly wondering what _that_ look had meant. God, he had a headache. He didn't usually have such a hard time figuring out what was going on.

Everyone got to work shortly after that, although he continued to look over at Lisbon throughout the morning. She looked so damned lost and he had to continuously fight the urge to go to her, to beg her to tell him what was wrong and let him help.

He got another text just before lunch and checked to see that it was, indeed the daycare. They made a point of sending messages to the parents at least once a day. It helped keep anxiety at bay.

He couldn't help but smile at the picture of Lily with cereal all over her face. It made him feel good that it wasn't just him. Obviously feeding Lily was a messy business.

He looked at it for another few seconds, allowing her beautiful face to calm his agitated mind. It was only as he glanced up, and caught Teresa's anguished expression, that it hit him.

She looked away immediately, clearly embarrassed at having been caught staring at him. But her expression had been a give-away. She knew something was up with him and was hurt at his hiding whatever it was.

Idiot! Why hadn't he just come out and told her? Here he was, feeling sorry for himself because he thought she'd given up their friendship, when he'd done worse by hiding something – someone – as important as Lily.

Damn! He'd have to make this up to her somehow. Without allowing himself to think about it– or to convince himself it was a stupid idea – he stood up and walked the few feet to her desk.

"Lisbon?" He winced at her look of fear – and anger and hurt. "Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'm busy Jane", she told him. "Maybe later?"

"No – right now. Come on, I need to tell you something."

She looked horrified at that and shook her head. "No – no, I'm busy. Not now."

What the hell was wrong with her? "Lisbon – I'm going to stand here and bother you until you talk to me. Come on – it's not that bad."

She finally, and reluctantly stood. The last thing in the world she wanted to hear was about Jane's girlfriend. But she might as well get it over with. Suddenly it hit her how classy Jane had been about Marcus. She knew she would find it impossible to be as good.

She followed him - slowly - to one of the interrogation rooms. Fortunately he picked one with walls, not windows. She didn't want anyone to see her when Jane told her about Lily. As it was Cho, Fischer and Wylie were staring at the two of them. She was pretty sure she also caught Abbott looking out his office doorway.

"What is it you needed to tell me in private Jane", she snapped. Better to appear angry than hurt.

"Uh – there's something I should have told you before, and I'm sorry. It's just – so new, that I needed a bit of time to deal with it. But I want you to know that you were the first person I wanted to tell and to share this with. I'm just sorry I didn't say anything before now."

She nodded once, knowing that if she wasn't careful she would burst into tears. As it was she clasped her arms tightly to her chest and took slow, steady breaths to try and calm herself down.

"If it makes you feel any better, I already know."

He frowned. "How? Did Abbott say something to you?"

"Abbott? No. It was you."

"_Me_?" he looked puzzled. "But I haven't said anything to anyone – other than Abbott, but that was last week."

"No, it was yesterday. I came to get a coffee and you were in the kitchen, talking to Abbott."

He thought back to the day before and suddenly remembered. "You heard – about Lily?"

"Yes", she nodded her head. "I'm happy for you. I'm sure you've been lonely."

"Yes", he frowned. "I wasn't – I wasn't expecting this and it's been a big change but – a good one." He gave a crooked smile. "I've barely known her for a week and already I adore her. You'll love her too, I know. In fact, I can hardly wait for you to meet her. She's a little darling."

Teresa was sure she was going to be sick. Did the man have _no_ idea? He couldn't really be this clueless, could he? "I'm sure she is", she said, hoping that she didn't sound as bitter as she felt. "I don't think I really need to meet her though. I'm sure I'm the last person she wants to see."

He tilted his head, looking even more confused – which was a strange expression on the man who rarely if ever looked as if he didn't know what was going on. "Huh? I don't think – I mean, she loves everybody", he frowned, "except the mailman. For some reason she's scared of him."

This time it was Teresa who looked confused. Why would Jane's girlfriend be afraid of the mailman? Unless he was a pervert or something. Maybe he'd come on to her when Jane wasn't around.

"I'm sure she'll love you. All you have to do is blow a few raspberries and play peek-a-boo and she'll adore you."

Okay – she was absolutely positive that Jane had lost his mind. "_What_?" Blow _raspberries_? What the hell was he talking about? "Uh - Jane?"

"What Teresa?" He was suddenly on full alert. Something had changed in her expression and she was looking at him in complete confusion. He replayed the conversation in his mind but couldn't figure out what had just happened. He was still worried by the fact that she didn't want to meet Lily, but figured that was just some residual anger. He knew Teresa and knew she wouldn't be able to resist the baby.

"Really, you'll love her. She's the happiest thing – although she was fussy for a few days – and messy", he grinned. "Why don't you come over this evening and you can meet her?"

"Jane", she said again, her voice sounding tentative. "Who is Lily?"

He took a deep breath, his expression instantly sobering. "She's Danny's little girl", he told her. "You remember Danny Ruskin, Angela's brother?"

"Yes, of course."

"Well, he and his wife were killed in a car accident, just a couple of weeks ago. He made me guardian to their daughter Lily. She's six months old."

Teresa didn't know what to say or do. Her first reaction was one of absolute, complete, heartfelt relief. The next was one of blazing anger. "Do you mean to tell me she's a _baby_?"

"Uh – yes?" Jane eyed her warily, wondering where her anger was coming from.

"She's a _baby_ and you made think -"

"Made you think what?" He was trying to decipher this entire conversation and stopped and made himself replay everything. "What did you _think _she was?"

He stopped cold. Not _what _but _who_. "You thought Lily was a _woman_!"

Now he watched as Teresa's anger turned to embarrassment. He wanted to laugh, not at her humiliation, but with relief. "You thought I was seeing ano – a _woman_!"

"Jane", she said warningly. "I didn't know who she was. I was just hurt that you hadn't said anything to me."

It was true, he realized, feeling slightly deflated. She had simply been hurt by his secrecy. So much for the jealousy theory. "So, you want to meet her?" he asked, sounding hopeful but more subdued.

Teresa sighed, still feeling angry and yet relieved at the same time. "Maybe but not tonight I'm afraid. I have a date with Marcus."

He nodded, but the excitement and anticipation of the last few minutes fled. "Okay", he gave a half-hearted smile. "Just let me know when. And uh – sorry I didn't tell you sooner." He turned and opened the door, needing to get out before his emotions and disappointment showed.

He'd already left by the time Teresa realized how she'd reacted. Jane had shared something special with her – something life-changing for him and all she'd done was tell him she had a date. "Damn you Teresa! You're such an idiot!"


	4. Bringing up Baby

_**Thank you, thank you, thank you for the warm and wonderful reception to my story! In direct response to a number of reviews ... voila! I hope you enjoy.**_

"I'm sorry Marcus, I'm just not feeling up to going out for dinner this evening." He'd been waiting for her after work, which was, of course, not surprising since they'd driven in together. Now however, she really didn't want to go out. She had other things on her mind.

"You'll feel better once you've had a chance to change", he told her with a kiss to the cheek. "You're just tired and hungry."

"I'm _not_ tired, nor am I hungry", she snapped at him. "I just don't feel like going out tonight."

"Hey – I'm sorry sweetheart", he said contritely, taking her in his arms. "We can stay in instead. Why don't we order a pizza and curl up and watch a movie?"

She leaned into him, more because she was feeling guilty than because she truly wanted to be close to him. After a moment she stepped back, out of his arms. "I'm sorry", she told him gently. "I actually _am _feeling tired tonight Marcus. It's not you but I think I need to just relax this evening on my own. Do you mind?"

He looked at her searchingly but after a moment smiled and leaned down for a gentle kiss. "No problem", he told her. "I'll drop you off and you can relax and watch a chick flick or something."

She sighed and reached up and gave him a hug. He was such a _nice_ man. Why, oh why couldn't she love him? "Thank you", she murmured softly.

"We'll just do something tomorrow", he smiled and led her to her car. "There's a Hitchcock movie playing downtown. Why don't we go out for dinner and then go see it?"

She wanted to groan, suddenly feeling smothered by the man who a moment ago she'd labeled as so nice. "I'll let you know, okay? It's been a busy week and I don't know if I'll feel up to going out. Maybe on the weekend?"

"Okay. We can do pizza at your place tomorrow and the movie on Friday."

By the time he dropped her off she was ready to scream. Marcus _was_ nice, there was no doubt. He was also rather pushy – in a _nice_ way and was going way too fast for her – but in a _nice_ way. She suddenly missed Jane's irritating, rude and sometimes obnoxious behavior.

Speaking of Jane ….! She watched as Marcus drove off, giving him a small wave, and then hurried to her bedroom. She threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and ran out the door, car keys in hand. She refused to feel guilty about her lie to her boyfriend.

She stopped at the mall on the way. She'd been so beastly to Jane that she had to do something to make up for it. It only took her a few minutes to find what she was looking for and then she was running back to her car. She prayed she could make things right. She hated the state that existed between the two of them.

Yes, Jane drove her crazy and she would never describe him as simply _nice_. He was a complicated man – a man of great depth and many scars. But he was also closer to her than anyone else in her life and she knew she could trust him.

That was strange really, especially when she thought of the times he'd tricked her or left her. But even during those times she had known that when it came down to it – when it was her life or her safety or sanity at stake – Jane was there for her. She also knew that he would give his life for hers if she were ever in danger. She knew that for a fact, even if others were skeptical.

He also knew her like no one else did. He knew her strengths and her weaknesses – but he also knew her dreams. She laughed softly – except for the big one! When it came to her feelings for him he was strangely blind. She suspected it was because he closed that part of himself off. He'd been too hurt and wasn't ever going to open himself up to love again.

And that immediately made her wonder about Lily. How did he feel about the little girl? She knew he liked children – but wondered how he was dealing with the emotions of having one in his life. He was responsible for the little girl and she suspected it was going to be difficult for him. She was also pretty sure he'd be an amazing father.

She finally pulled up to his Airstream, but sat in the car for a long time, trying to gather up the courage to knock on his door. Eventually she took a deep breath and got out of the car. This was Jane. She had known him for years, had _loved_ him for years. She could do this.

Jane gave Lily her bath and smiled as the little girl kicked and splashed the water. He ended up practically as wet as her, but he didn't mind. Bath time was one of his favorite times because she loved it so much.

He was so grateful she was a happy baby. It was hard enough knowing he was responsible for her now. If she'd been miserable he didn't know how he would have coped.

Speaking of miserable – he sighed. He didn't want to think about Lisbon or about her reaction to his announcement. He was hurt, that went without saying, but he was also sad. He hadn't realized how much he counted on her to help get him through his days. But now – he really needed her to help him deal with this situation. Who else could he confide in? Who else could he nag and harass and bug – just so that he could deal with all the terrors that still lived within him. Without Lisbon he felt horribly, terribly lost and alone.

He smiled down at the little girl. Well, not quite so alone, not now. He grabbed a big towel and lifted her up, wrapping her carefully to keep her from getting cold. She smiled and burbled at him – such a happy baby.

He took one step towards his bed, planning to dress her in her sleeper, when there was a knock on the door.

"Now who in the world could that be?" he asked the baby. She smiled at him, her two tiny white teeth shining out at him. He made his way to the door of the trailer and looked through the side window.

"Lisbon!" he opened the door immediately, looking down at her in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, you said I should meet Lily so I decided to come over."

"But – what about Pike?"

"I told him I couldn't go out tonight. Uh, is it okay if I come in?"

"What? Oh – of course." He stepped back and allowed her to enter the trailer. She dropped something by the door, but he wasn't really paying attention. Suddenly the space seemed smaller.

"And this is Lily", she said, smiling at the little towel-wrapped girl in Jane's arms. "Oh Jane, she's adorable!" She reached out and gently took the little girl's hand.

"Yes, and wet and naked. I'd better get her diaper on her or I'm going to be even wetter than I am now. Uh, just have a seat and I'll be right back."

Instead of sitting Lisbon followed him back to the bed and watched as he dressed Lily in her diaper and one-piece sleeper. Once he was done she looked at him and smiled. "May I?"

"Sure", he stepped back and watched as she leaned down and picked up the baby – who immediately gave one of her biggest smiles.

"Why, aren't you precious, little Lily", Teresa crooned. "What a pretty baby!" For the next few minutes Jane watched as she bounced and talked to the little girl who giggled and wiggled at the attention. He didn't want to admit how much the sight affected him.

"She's amazing" Lisbon smiled, rubbing noses with the baby, who laughed and tried to bite hers. "You're so lucky to have her. Oh, I brought a gift", Teresa suddenly announced, before he could respond. She carried the baby over to where she'd left a gift bag. Reaching inside she pulled out a plush pink bunny and held it up to Lily, tickling her neck with it.

Lily chortled and reached out to grab the bunny. She immediately tried to stick its ear in her mouth, but Teresa pulled it back slightly with a laugh.

"She'll eat it – there's nothing you can do about it", Jane said calmly. "She eats – or tries to eat – everything."

"Really? Sounds like fun."

"Teething. Believe me, _so_ not fun."

"That's why you looked so tired", she tilted her head and regarded him while still holding a happy baby who had managed to stuff a bunch of rabbit ear into her mouth.

"Well, I'm not exactly used to looking after an infant", he defended himself. At that moment Lily dropped the rabbit and began to rub her eyes. The next moment she was fussing and squirming in Lisbon's arms.

"She's hungry – and tired", Patrick said. "Can you hold her for a moment while I heat up her bottle?"

"Sure." Teresa watched as Patrick expertly prepared a bottle. She marveled at how proficient he seemed at everything. As soon as she thought that she grimaced. Of course he knew what to do. He'd had a child before. "How are you finding looking after her?"

"Well, it's exhausting and I worry I'm not always doing the right thing", he answered, busy with the bottle. "But the benefits far outweigh the problems."

"The benefits?" she asked, trying to distract an increasingly fussy baby.

"Mmm" he turned around, the bottle in hand. "Shall I take her?"

"I'll do it, if that's okay?" she asked with a smile. He nodded and watched as she settled with Lily and gave the little girl her bottle. Immediately the baby began sucking merrily away.

"Just be glad it's just her bottle", he told her. "Solids have a way of getting all over – well, me!"

Teresa laughed, trying to picture Jane with a face-full of baby cereal. "So, what are the benefits?" she finally asked, although as she looked down at the precious bundle she knew she really didn't need to.

"The benefits. Well, there's bath time, there's cuddling in a chair giving her a bottle, there's playing with her on the floor. There's taking her for a walk and watching her reaction as she sees new things. There's having her rest her head on your shoulder and fall asleep. There's waking up in the morning to a wet diaper and huge smiles and hugs. Yup – the benefits _far_ outweigh the problems."

Teresa wanted to reach out and hug Jane – but couldn't do a thing since she was now holding a sleeping baby. She looked down at Lily, sure her face would give her away. She was so happy for him.

He waited until he was sure Lily was sound asleep and then stood, softly indicating the small crib by his bed. Teresa nodded and placed the sleeping baby carefully in it and then stepped back. Lily was out like a light.

"There", he said softly. "Hopefully that's it for the night. Can I get you something to drink?" he asked hopefully, although he didn't really expect her to stay now that the baby was asleep.

"Yes please, a tea would be great."

"Really?", he said, sounding both pleased and surprised. He made his way to the stove and turned on the kettle and then got the cups ready. "Thank you, by the way, for the rabbit". He grinned. "It reminds me of the case with the diamond cutter."

"I know", she grinned. "That's what I was thinking. I'll never forget your accent!"

"Or the bunny", he reminded her.

"Or the bunny!" She paused for a moment as he made the tea. Once he'd brought it over to her she thanked him, but placed it on the small table. "Isn't this place a bit - small for you and a baby?"

"Mmm hmm", he nodded, taking a sip from his cup. "I've got an apartment. I'll be moving in this weekend."

"This _weekend_? Wow, that was quick." She wasn't about to say anything, but she still felt a bit hurt that he hadn't told her anything about Lily or about needing an apartment. She knew she had to get over it, but still couldn't understand what was happening.

"Yeah", he looked down, playing with his cup. He felt guilty – again – for not having said anything to Lisbon. Damn Pike! "I needed something as soon as I could get it. Dennis connected me with a real estate agent and she found this quite quickly. This place is too small, although I suspect it doesn't mean a thing to Lily."

"All she cares about is being loved, which she obviously is. She's a lucky little girl to have you."

Jane shrugged, looking embarrassed. "So – Pike didn't mind you coming here tonight?"

Her guilty look instantly clued him in and he didn't know whether to feel upset or glad that she obviously hadn't told her boyfriend she was coming to his place. On the one hand it made it feel like she was hiding it because she was ashamed of their friendship but on the other hand it _did_ speak to something – private between Lisbon and him. He liked that but just wished …

Don't go there Patrick! He suddenly had a memory of his mother telling him that 'if wishes were horses, beggars would ride'. It was an old expression, but a true one. "Are you hungry?" he asked abruptly as his stomach gurgled.

"Yes – yes I am", she told him with a small smile. "Do you have anything here?"

He stood up and walked to the tiny refrigerator and pulled it open. "No. How about pizza?"

"Sure", she grinned. "Pizza sounds good – as long – I mean, you're probably tired and want to go to -"

"It's 7 o'clock Teresa – a bit early for bedtime, even for me."

"Even for you? You sleep half your days away."

"No I don't", he shook his head, looking innocent. "I am _thinking_, not sleeping."

"Mmm hmm", she said skeptically. "And does snoring help you think better."

"I do _not_ snore!"

She laughed and told him to order the pizza. He didn't even have to ask her what she liked, but immediately pulled out his cell and ordered. He then sat down on the small bench seat next to her. "Thank you."

"For what?" she looked at him inquiringly.

"For coming over to see Lily. It – means a lot."

She nudged him with her shoulder. "Of course I wanted to see her. I'm really sorry if I appeared – indifferent. I wasn't – just surprised and not quite sure what to say."

He nodded, but didn't say anything more, even though he wanted to. He wasn't usually so tongue-tied – in fact he was _never_ tongue-tied, but right now he really didn't know what to say that wouldn't disturb the tentative peace between them.

"Do you need help moving?" she suddenly asked.

"Moving?"

"Yes, Jane", she rolled her eyes. "You know – as in taking your things to your new apartment."

"I know what moving means. I was just checking. And are you offering?"

"Only if you want me to."

"Uh – just you?" He wasn't about to say yes if there was any possibility that she'd drag Pike over to help.

"Yes, _just_ me", she said sarcastically. "Look, if you don't need me -"

"I do", he interrupted quickly. "I mean – to help me move. It would be very helpful Lisbon, thank you", he told her, sounding rather formal.

"You're welcome. Just tell me where and when and I'll be there."

He was feeling much better than he had earlier, especially if he didn't let himself think about Pike. This was nice – just sitting quietly beside Teresa and not having to deal with the handsome agent.

"This is nice", Teresa announced out of the blue. He glanced at her in surprise, wondering if maybe she was a mind reader. "It's been a while since we've spent time together."

"Mmm hmm – you're usually with Pike."

Well that was a conversation killer, he thought. He closed his eyes briefly and wanted to hit himself. What devil made him bring dear old Marcus into the conversation, especially since things had been going so well?

"What's wrong with that?" she asked sharply, bristling with indignation.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong. In fact he seems very nice."

Well that did it. Teresa bit her lip but even so, a choking sound made its way out of her throat. That eventually grew into a giggle, which soon turned into a full-throated laugh.

Jane was looking at her as if she was insane. She was positive he didn't know what was going on, which was highly unusual but quite refreshing. She finally got herself under control and opened her mouth to explain, but the idea of dear, _nice_ Marcus kept popping into her brain. She giggled and was soon laughing again. "I'm okay", she gasped out, "really".

Jane couldn't help but start to grin at her laughter. It was just too infectious. He wasn't' quite sure what it was all about, although he admitted to enjoying it. It had been a long time since he and Lisbon had laughed together. Just then the pizza came and by the time he'd paid for it and laid everything out she had calmed down.

"Care to tell me what that was about?" he asked as he handed her a plate.

"Jane, you don't _know_? You're losing your touch."

"Meh – I don't know everything, especially when it comes to hysterically laughing women."

"You've met a lot of us have you?"

He grinned. "Enough. So, tell me, why were you laughing?"

"Well, if you really must know -" she regarded him carefully. "I got rather irritated at Marcus tonight because he was being way too – nice. I was missing your obnoxiousness I guess. So, when you referred to him as nice -" she shrugged, but watched him carefully.

He didn't know quite what to make of her explanation. He also didn't know what to think about her saying she missed his _obnoxiousness_. He wasn't that bad, was he?

"Are you offended?" she asked with a laugh.

"At what? Being told I'm obnoxious? Why would I be offended?" he asked, with a scowl.

She slapped his arm and giggled again. "But I like that about you – most of the time. It makes life interesting."

"And being nice doesn't?" he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

That sobered her up and she took a bite of pizza. "Oh, I don't know", she replied after a moment. "Nice is – nice sometimes."

He took a bite of his own pizza, needing the time to think about what she'd said. It was true that most of what she'd experienced with him, especially during his hunt for Red John, hadn't been him treating her very well. He _could_ be obnoxious, and rude and secretive and all those things. In fact, he often wondered why she'd stuck with him. He realized then that she'd already given him the answer. It made her life interesting.

But she also liked 'nice'. Suddenly her interest in Pike made total sense. She had grown tired of his trickery and secrecy and lying and all the things he had pulled and was enjoying being with someone who was kind and uncomplicated. He was sure that she'd soon grow bored with the agent, but for now it was probably doing something for her – something he'd never done.

So what should he do? Did he have _any_ chance to change things with her? He was pretty sure the only way he was going to change the situation was by changing the way he behaved. He had to try and be nicer to her – not all the time, not enough to be boring – but at least part of the time.

He wondered if he'd lost his chance, or if there _was_ still time. He didn't know, but he was damn well going to try and find out.

"So, would you help me decorate Lily's room?" he asked with a smile.

"I'd love to", she smiled back. "But I don't know how good I'll be a doing a little girl's room. I'm used to boys, remember?"

"Yes, but you were a girl yourself. And all you have to remember is pink and frilly and princesses – at least for the next few years."

"Really?" she wrinkled her nose. _"Princesses_?"

"Mmm hmm", he nodded. "Little girls love them! I remember - " he stopped suddenly, and swallowed. He took a couple of deep breaths and tried to smile again. "I'm sure she'll like whatever we come up with."

Lisbon reached out and put her hand over his and gave it a squeeze. She had wondered whether this would be hard for him, and it obviously brought back memories. She wished she could help him, but knew, from experience, that he'd rather not talk about anything to do with his daughter.

Jane turned his hand, slowly, and grasped hers. The warmth and feel of her skin instantly gave him comfort. He wanted to pull her forward, knowing that would provide even more, but acknowledging that he couldn't do that – not with Pike in the picture.

It hit him, right at that moment that there was something he could do – something that would please Teresa – and that was to try and open up to her. It was something he'd done rarely, usually under duress, but he also knew it would mean a lot to her. And frankly, right now he was willing to do just about anything. So, with a deep breath he decided to try.

"It's – hard sometimes", he told her softly. He felt her grip tighten on his. "When I first saw her-"

"Yes?"

"Wait here", he told her, making a sudden decision. He stood up and walked back to the bed and to the small night table built in the wall. He opened the drawer and reached in and grasped something. He stared at it for a moment, but then pulled it out. He had to do this.

Sitting down beside Teresa again he took another breath and then opened the small album in his hand. He then gave it to her. "Here."

Her eyes scanned his face, understanding that this was big – that Jane really _was_ being open with her. She finally nodded and bent her head to look at what he'd handed her.

It was a picture of Lily. Wait. No, it wasn't. "Who -?" She raised her head, and with a sinking heart abruptly realized. "Charlotte?"

He nodded. "When she was six months old. When I saw Lily I thought -" he shrugged and tried to smile, although it was a shaky effort. "Now she just looks like Lily to me but at first I kept seeing Charlotte."

"I'm so sorry Patrick", she said to him, again reaching out her hand. "This must be so hard for you."

"At times", he nodded, "but most of the time I'm just grateful. Do you know I seriously thought about having her adopted? It would probably be better for her, but Danny wanted her to be with me and Angela would have killed me to even _think_ about that. Family was important to her."

"I understand – and I'm glad you kept her. She's a special little girl."

He nodded and then reached out and took the album. It was clearly a special item, as it was well worn. Without saying any more he stood and returned it to its place by his bed.

Teresa had always wondered why Jane didn't have any pictures of his family around. He'd stripped his home of everything and the times she'd been to either his hotel room or the loft, she'd never seen any. But he was a private man, she knew, and he'd hide those things, just like he hid his grief.

"Thank you for showing me her picture", she told him after he'd sat back down. "She was a beautiful little girl."

He nodded. "She was. I – still miss her."

Teresa was finding it increasingly difficult not to reach out and put her arms around him. He was so alone most of the time and she wanted to be able to give him some comfort, some love. "Oh hell", she muttered. Without further thought she scooted over and put her arms around him. "I'm so sorry Patrick."

Jane was surprised – shocked – but pleased. After a brief pause he hugged her back, relishing the warmth and comfort and compassion she exuded. Why hadn't he made himself open up to her more? He knew he would have healed much faster than he had.

As she continued to hug him he could feel the day grow brighter, even though outside darkness had fallen. He rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. Pike had better watch out because he had a plan!


	5. Baby, Come to Me

_**Wow! Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews! The response to this story is amazing. i guess I'm not the only one who loves the idea of Jane with a baby. (Did anyone see Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban sing the tribute to Simon Baker - I remember the 'sexy baby maker' line. So true!**_

Jane couldn't sleep. This time it wasn't Lily keeping him up, nor was it past sorrows or guilt and it wasn't even the desolation he'd been feeling over losing Lisbon (not that he'd ever really _had_ her). No, it was none of those things. What was keeping him awake, what was giving him insomnia, what was keeping the sheep at bay – was the idea that maybe, just maybe there was hope.

It wasn't something he'd allowed himself to even think about – not during the last dozen years. At least the only hope he had had during that time was that he would one day catch and kill Red John. Other than that he had known it was something that would forever be missing in his life

He knew that he was allowing himself to even think of these things because of Lily. He'd had to open his heart to the little girl and by so doing, the walls of fear and doubt had begun to crumble. It wasn't that the fear was gone, but he now knew that he couldn't continue to live his life restrained by it, not if he was to make a good life for the orphaned little girl. He'd already gotten so much joy out of allowing himself to love Lily that he could only imagine what it would be like to fully love –and be loved by – Lisbon as well.

All of this was fine, he thought as he lay in bed. But he had to do something about it. He had to convince her that Pike was wrong for her and he was right. He sighed. It wasn't going to be easy, not after all he'd put her through.

So, what was he going to do to convince her? He could play a trick on Pike, get him to make a fool of himself. He thought about that for a few minutes, and quite enjoyed the possibilities that presented themselves. He finally shook his head, knowing that it would be really stupid of him to do any of them. He understood Lisbon well enough to know she'd be furious at him and it would probably, most likely, _positively _send her right back into Pike's arms.

Come on Patrick, he said to himself, you have to think of _something._ He had to figure out a way to convince her to take a look at him in a new way, to regard him as someone she could love, not just someone who kept her from being bored. He'd have to be charming but not oily, kind but not smarmy, and considerate but not cloying. He'd also have to maintain his edge, that which made him _him_ because if he was too nice he _would_ become boring.

So, how to start? He tossed and turned and connived and planned, until it hit him. _Lily_. What better way to Teresa's heart than through his little girl. Lily had already tied him around her little finger, he was sure she could do the same to Lisbon. And if he came along with her – well, who would complain? And it wasn't as if it was even a sneaky, or bad thing to do. There was nothing wrong in expanding the people who loved Lily.

With a smile on his face, and a plan already working its way through his brain, he finally slept.

Teresa arrived at work the next morning with a smile on her face. She wasn't quite sure why, and probably wouldn't have admitted it to herself even if she did know. Because there was _no_ way it was Jane who had made her happy. No, he usually angered, frustrated or just plain drove her crazy.

But it _had_ been a lovely evening. Lily was a beautiful little girl and Jane was so damned cute as a father. That thought sobered her, but only for an instant. She couldn't let herself be constantly saddened by Jane's past life. It was done and he was learning to live with it so she damn well could.

Damn, he was so adorable when he was holding the baby. Even though Lily wasn't related to him by blood, she looked like Jane with her blond, curly hair. She was going to be a beauty when she grew older.

And the evening had been fun in other ways. It was nice to simply sit and talk with Jane – she'd always found him interesting and amusing, especially when he wasn't pulling one of his stunts. In fact, he was definitely one of the most fascinating people of her acquaintance. No, she took that back. He was _the_ most fascinating person she'd ever known.

But could she afford to let her guard down with him? Could she get sucked back into the constant turmoil, the tricks, the lies or should she keep her distance and focus on Marcus? With a sigh she knew that if she was smart, she would stick with Pike who was a decent, kind, _nice_ guy.

At that moment she arrived at her desk, only to find an envelope propped up on her computer screen. She instantly recognized the handwriting from all the letters she'd received from Jane while he was on the island. Wondering what in the world he was writing to her for, especially since she'd just seen him last night, she carefully opened it.

She reached in and pulled out what was obviously a computer-generated card. On the front was a picture of Lily, holding the rabbit she'd bought for her. The little girl had one of the rabbit's ears in her fist and a big smile on her face.

Teresa chuckled and studied the picture. Jane must have taken the picture this morning and would have to have been in really early to print it and leave it on her desk. She was rather surprised he even knew how to do it.

She opened the card then, and inside was a short message:

_Dear Auntie Teresa,_

_Thank you so much for the bunny rabbit and thank you for coming to see me last night. You're a very special lady. _

_Love,_

_Lily Angela Ruskin_

"You okay?" Cho's voice startled her and she looked up. He sounded worried, although his face hadn't changed expression. She'd known Cho long enough to know what a good friend he was, even if most of the time he was pretty stoic.

"I'm fine", she smiled, although it was with a sniff. "Just a card from a friend."

"Okay." He nodded, clearly satisfied.

"Uh Cho?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you know where Jane is?"

"No. I haven't seen him today."

Teresa nodded. Jane was only a few minutes late and was probably just dropping off the baby. She looked down at the card again, and smiled. She wished she could put it up on her desk, but as far as she knew, Jane hadn't told anyone else yet about Lily.

What a sweet thing it was though, she smiled. She suddenly realized something. As irritating as Patrick could be – often was, in fact – he also could do the most surprising and considerate things imaginable. She grinned when she thought about the pony he'd given her for her birthday – although trying to deal with the damn thing afterward had almost taken away the joy she'd felt in it – almost, but not quite.

Somehow she'd forgotten those times, which made her feel rather guilty. When she'd agreed to work for the FBI she'd determined not to get sucked back into Jane's life the way she had before. For that reason she'd closed herself off to him and had chosen to remember a lot of the infuriating things he'd done, rather than the many, many times he'd done something nice for her.

She carefully put the picture away in her desk, deciding it was time to stop thinking about Jane and get to work. There was no point agonizing over past mistakes. Even though she had Pike in her life now, there was no reason for her to keep Patrick at arms length. She'd almost forgotten that they were friends, close friends. She'd have to be nicer to him and maybe do something with him every once in a while. And of course she wanted to see the baby again.

"Morning Lisbon." Jane's voice startled her and she could feel her face flush, which instantly irritated her. He wouldn't know that she had been thinking about him.

"Morning", she smiled at him, although she still felt rather embarrassed. "Thank you."

"For what?" he looked surprised.

"For the card."

"Card? I don't know what you're talking about Teresa. I didn't leave you a card."

She frowned at him, but almost instantly it relaxed. "Oh – well then, can you tell Lily thank you. It was beautiful."

"Oh – _Lily_", he answered with a knowing look. "Sure."

"Uh Jane?"

"Yes Lisbon?"

"I – you haven't told anyone yet have you, about Lily I mean."

"No, not yet."

"Okay – I wanted to put the card on my desk, but people will ask questions and -"

"I know", he nodded. "Don't worry, I'm going to tell everyone today. And thank you again, for coming by and for the rabbit." He grinned. "I had to add my thanks to Lily's – she insisted."

Teresa laughed. "I'm sure she did. I expect she's the polite one in your family."

He grinned and gave her a small wave and headed towards his couch, where he picked up a file and began to read. She watched him for a few seconds and then, with a smile, got down to her work for the day.

Jane was pretending to read, too happy with the way things were going to concentrate. If he was being honest he had also been a bit startled when Teresa had referred to 'his family'. It had been a long time since someone had mentioned his family, without it being about the tragedy of his loss.

It was true now – he had a family again. He smiled.

They were called to a case later that morning, but fortunately Jane figured it out almost immediately. Unusually for him, he didn't try to keep anything from his teammates, but immediately told Kim his suspicions. They were able to follow up and the murderer was soon caught and behind bars.

Teresa kept staring at him all the way back to the FBI building. He figured she was probably wondering whether or not it was really him. He wanted to wink at her, but then remembered he was on a crusade to win her. He was going to play things as straight as he could.

That reminded him of something. As soon as they all got back he marched into Abbott's office. A few minutes later he was heading out, the rest of his team eyeing him curiously.

"Where's Jane going?" Cho finally asked.

"I don't know." Kim was staring at Jane's couch with a frown. "Lisbon? Any idea?"

"Uh – no."

"He'll be back", Abbott announced from the doorway to his office. "He just had to run a small errand."

Teresa couldn't help but wonder what the mysterious errand was that had sent Jane out of the office. The boss didn't look too concerned, so she shrugged and got back to work. She was spending way too much time thinking about Jane – kind of like old times, she smiled to herself.

"Come on Lily, I want you to meet my friends", he told the little girl as he undid the straps on her car seat. She gurgled and grinned as he lifted her out and placed her in his left arm. He grabbed the diaper bag with the other, and then managed to scoop up the rabbit as well. The ladies at the daycare told him she loved the thing.

"That's cause you're smart, like me", he informed her. She laughed at him and bounced in his arm. "Now, I want you to continue to charm Auntie Teresa, okay? That's right", he nodded when she squealed. "You're my secret weapon!"

He smiled at the man at the front desk. "My little girl", he told him. "Abbott gave me permission to bring her in."

"He called down Mr. Jane", Ed the doorman answered. "She's a cute one."

"Thank you!" Jane smiled at him and decided, right then and there, that he was going to stop playing tricks on poor Ed. Anyone who complemented Lily deserved a break.

He strode up the stairs and onto his floor, surprised at the fact that he was feeling nervous. These were his friends so this shouldn't be this hard.

It was Kim who saw him first. She was heading back towards her desk and stopped dead when she noticed him approaching, a small baby in his arms.

"Uh is there something you forgot to tell us Jane?" Kim clearly expected him to announce that he'd found a small child in the park or something and had decided to bring her back with him. Or, that he'd lifted her from a crime scene and hadn't waited for children's services or something equally as ridiculous.

"Yup." By this time everyone in the large room had noticed him. There were a lot of stares, a lot of blank looks, and quite a few shocked ones. He rolled his eyes and turned back to Fischer. "You'd think no one had seen a baby before."

"Jane, whose baby is that?" she asked.

He kept walking towards everyone's desk, talking softly to the baby. Kim followed him, still trying to get him to tell her. He finally looked up at Teresa, to see her with a big smile on her face. Oh yeah – Lily was going to be very hard for Lisbon to resist.

"You brought her in?" Lisbon called, stepping out from behind her desk and reaching out her arms. Lily squealed and leaned forward, a big grin on her face.

Jane laughed and handed over his little girl. "She told me she wanted to see her Auntie Lisbon."

"Right", Teresa rolled her eyes but happily took the little girl. It was only when she looked up that she realized that everyone in the room was silent and all were staring at Lily and her. "You might want to tell everyone what this is about Jane", she told him.

He turned with a big smile. "I'd like you all to meet Lily Angela Ruskin – my niece."

"Your _niece_?" Kim said, surprised "I didn't know you had any brothers or sisters."

"I don't", he answered, more soberly. "It's actually Angela's niece – her brother Daniel was Lily's father." He stopped and watched as Teresa took the baby around to meet everyone. He took a deep breath and regarded his teammates – Kim, Cho and Wylie, who were all looking at him curiously. "Danny and his wife were killed in a traffic accident a couple of weeks ago. They named me the baby's guardian."

"_You_?" Kim said, sounding almost shocked. "You're guardian to a _child_?"

He blinked a couple of times and then frowned. "Yes. I do know how to look after babies. I _did_ have a daughter before, you know", he said softly.

She blanched. "I'm sorry Patrick – that was stupid of me. I didn't mean it that way – just that – well, you're – ah hell, congratulations, although I'm sorry to hear about your brother-in-law."

"Congratulations Jane", Cho told him. "She's cute", he said as he reached out his hand to take the baby's in his own as Teresa had approached. "You know you're in trouble now, don't you?"

"Oh yeah", he grimaced. "She's a charmer and will have everyone eating out of her hand in no time."

"Serves you right", Kim snorted. "But she is adorable. Do you have a nanny for her?"

Jane went on to explain what arrangements he'd made for the baby. He smiled as Teresa transferred the little girl to Cho – who played with her and had her laughing in no time. He couldn't help but grin to see Cho with a huge smile on his face in response to Lily's belly laugh.

She then was transferred to Wylie and tried to grab his nose. Soon everyone was laughing, including Abbott who'd come out of his office to meet the little girl. Jane stood back, silently watching his friends as they interacted with the baby, realizing then how very lucky he was.

And that was something he hadn't said to himself in a long, long time.

"So, you still need help to move this Saturday?" Lisbon had sidled up beside him and spoke softly.

"Yes", he told her with a grateful smile. She nodded and laid her hand on his arm and squeezed and then moved back to lay claim to the baby again. As Jane watched her take Lily he sighed.

Yes, he was so very lucky.


	6. Moving Day

_**I'm feeling mellow and fluffy - so no real angst tonight. I'll probably, most likely (if I know myself) bring it back later. Hope you enjoy and thanks as always for the great reviews and comments. I **_**will_ get back to people when I have a chance._**

Teresa knocked on the door of Jane's trailer, surprised at how much she was actually looking forward to helping him move. A moment later the door opened.

"Hi", he smiled and held it open, waiting for her to enter. "Come on in."

Teresa took the step up into the trailer and then froze, her eyes focused on Jane. He stopped then too and looked down at himself, a puzzled frown on his face.

"Teresa? What's wrong?"

"You're wearing jeans", she finally murmured. "And a t-shirt! And _sneakers._"

"Uh, okay." he nodded, still looking rather confused. "Is that bad?"

"You've never worn anything but a suit, for as long as I've known you. Okay, maybe once, when you were working on that farm you wore work clothes but – you always wear a suit."

"Well, you told me to clean up", he pointed out.

"Jane, that was _twelve years ago_", she laughed. "I didn't think you owned anything _but_ suits."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course I do."

"Since when?"

"Since Thursday?"

She grinned, marveling at how Lily was already influencing the man she thought she'd known so well. Right then the little girl woke up and began to cry.

"Sorry", he grimaced. "Be right back."

She shamelessly admired him as he turned and walked back towards the crib, enjoying the sight of him in jeans and a white t-shirt. She'd always known he was a handsome man, but now he was just plain sexy.

He returned a few minutes later, Lily in his arms. Teresa immediately laughed when she saw the little girl – who was dressed in matching jeans, a white t-shirt and little tiny sneakers.

Jane gave her a priceless grin in return and shrugged. "Well, it's moving day. She needed to dress the part.

Teresa reached out for the baby who was now all smiles. "Come here you", she crooned. "Don't you look adorable? Your daddy has good taste."

Jane looked up in shock. He was about to correct her – he wasn't 'daddy' – not anymore. But Teresa was so happy, and so was Lily that he decided to leave it. He would say something later.

"If you can hold her for a while, I can start loading some of the stuff", Jane said quietly. "I rented a U-Haul, although I don't have that much. Most of the stuff was delivered directly to the apartment."

"Sure", she answered, although she gave him a searching look, wondering why he looked so somber all of a sudden. She played with Lily while Jane carted boxes out to his car. While he did that she thought back on their conversation, wondering what had caused his sudden change in mood.

It was only when Lily gurgled, and kicked her little sneaker-clad feet, that it hit her. She'd referred to Jane as 'daddy'. "Damn!" she muttered under her breath. It was so natural to think of him that way that – well she _hadn't_ thought. It had just come out. She debated whether to apologize, but decided to leave it. Hopefully he wasn't angry.

"There, that's about it", he said after about 45 minutes. "I can come back for anything else later. Uh, would you mind bringing Lily? You'll have to take my car because of the car seat and you can follow me over."

"Sure", she smiled at the baby. "Although I may just decide to run off with her. Do you want to go on a girl's road trip with me Lily?" she asked the baby. "It'll be fun." She leaned over and whispered. "No boys allowed!"

"Hey!" Patrick exclaimed. "No way. Anywhere you go, I get to go too!"

Teresa sighed dramatically. "We'll ditch him later", she told the baby, who simply grinned through the whole exchange. "Okay Patrick – lead on!"

Jane grinned the entire way to his new apartment. His plan was going perfectly. He glanced down at his clothes and his grin grew wider. Yup – it had worked. He'd even noticed Teresa checking him out.

Once they got to the apartment the first thing they did was set up all of Lily's furniture. Jane had bought her a new, full-size crib and a change table. "That'll save my back", he exclaimed. He'd also purchased a rocking chair and a toy chest.

They set Lily up with some toys in her travel bed in the living room and turned on some music. They then began to move furniture around and open boxes and put things away in the appropriate rooms. Teresa was actually rather surprised at how efficient Jane was at everything – and how strong. He certainly had never seemed the active type, relying on his brains and wit and allowing others to deal with anything physical.

When he'd efficiently put together the entertainment unit from Ikea she'd looked at him in surprise.

"What?" he asked, as he knelt down on the living room floor.

"You know how to do that?"

"Do what? Put a piece of furniture together?" he frowned.

"Yeah – I kind of thought it wouldn't be your thing."

He pushed to his feet and rubbed his hand through his unruly hair. He was looking terribly rumpled after all their work and Teresa again thought how absolutely sexy he was.

"It isn't, not really", he told her. "But you forget I travelled with the carnival. I learned how to fix things and put things together from a young age. We all had to chip in to set up and take down the show."

"I never thought about that I guess. You always seemed so – intellectual."

He laughed at that. "Me? I didn't even graduate high school."

"So? You're smart and well read – probably better than most university graduates I know. Tell me, what were some of the other jobs you had at the carnival?"

He moved over to the couch and sat down with a sigh. He was tired after a full day of moving and putting things together. "Some other jobs? Let's see. I had to load the canons which fired the clowns."

"You loaded canons? How old were you?"

"Oh, fourteen, fifteen, something like that. Let me tell you, it was a _very_ responsible job. Not enough explosives and the clown would stick in the canon – and possibly get burnt."

"And too much explosive?"

"Uh – little clown pieces all over the tent. The audience usually didn't like that."

"Jane! Are you telling me it actually _happened_?"

He grinned. "No, but it's a good story, don't you think?"

"A good story – exploding clowns? No, it's creepy."

"Yeah, well I never liked them, so I was tempted a few times."

"Really? Why didn't you like them? I thought all kids liked clowns."

"Maybe – but I knew them personally. Wiggles was a drunk – a mean one at that. He gave me a black eye once and I was only a kid."

"That's terrible. What did your father do?"

"My father? He figured I deserved it. Ferenc was simply mean – drunk or sober. He didn't actually touch anyone, but he had a tongue that could strip your skin off. Everyone hated him. Oh, and then there was Bratzo – he was a pervert. I think he may have done some bad things, but at that time there wasn't the same awareness there is now. I just knew to stay away from him. The one time I actually saw my father do something was when Bratzo tried to corner me in his trailer. My father beat the crap out of him and he left me alone after that."

"God Jane – the carny life sounds awful."

"Nah – it was just a few people who were bad. Most of them were a good bunch and we looked out for one another. We were family." He stared off a moment, obviously remembering something from his childhood. "The one job I loved, believe it or not, was cleaning out the elephant cage. I know – it sounds disgusting – but the elephant, in those days it was Bluebell, was a gentle, smart animal. She and I got to be great friends."

"Where did you go to school?"

"Different places", he said. "Sometimes it was home schooling – especially when I was younger and my mother was alive. After she died we would stay in one place over the winter and I could go to school."

"Why didn't you go to high school?" she asked, figuring she was on a role and Patrick seemed – for once – inclined to talk. She'd never seen him so open about his past life.

He shrugged. "My father wasn't about to make me go – he wanted to expand our act and do shows over the winter, not just during carnival season. Besides that, I didn't really know any other kids that well – we'd moved around too much – and high school is all about friends."

"I'm sorry", she told him. He was so smart it's too bad he hadn't had a chance to continue his education.

"Water under the bridge", he shrugged. "And anyway, I probably wouldn't have met Angie if I'd gone to High School."

"She was carny too, right?"

"Mmm", he nodded. "Although she didn't travel in the same one we did. We met one winter when we were in between shows." He grinned in remembrance. "She detested me when we met. I told her that Brad Jenkins wasn't interested in her but he liked her friend, Emma. She got mad at me, even though it wasn't my fault he didn't like her."

"But she didn't want to know", Teresa told him. "She wanted her fantasy."

"Yeah", he nodded. "I learned then that truth is sometimes best left unspoken."

"I think you unlearned that", she pointed out wryly, thinking of all the things he'd said to victims and suspects over the years.

He shrugged. "After she died - I just didn't care anymore if the truth made people mad."

"No, no you didn't." She looked at him regretfully, realizing that the conversation had turned into something dark and sad. Impulsively she reached out and touched his arm. "Thank you – for sharing that and for letting me help you set up your new place. I feel like we haven't – spent any time together recently. It was nice."

"Yes, it was." He grinned at her, knowing he needed to lighten things back up. "Thank you Teresa."

"You're welcome." Just at that moment Lily began to wake up and make her presence known. Jane went over to the travel crib and picked her up.

"Hey sweetpea", he told her. "You need a change and then I bet you're hungry." He turned to Teresa. "How about you?"

"No – I'm still pretty dry", she told him with a twinkle.

He rolled his eyes. "Your auntie Teresa is very silly", he informed the baby. "I would never try and change you Teresa." Before she knew how to respond to that he went on. "I meant dinner! Would you like to stay and have something with us?"

Teresa suddenly looked down at her watch. "Damn! I'm sorry Jane – I'd love to, but I'm going out tonight and I just realized the time. I'm going to be late."

Patrick bit his lip and then forced himself to smile. "Well then, you'd better get going. Thank you again – I really appreciate the help and Lily always loves seeing you."

Teresa bent forward and kissed the baby who was resting quietly in Jane's arms. "And you're welcome. It was fun. And my offer to help decorate Lily's room still stands."

"I'll hold you to that", he told her with a smile. He and Lily stood together as she collected her few things and then said goodbye. They'd picked up her car earlier and it was sitting in the parking lot. He watched from the window as she got in her car and drove away.

He turned back into the house with a sigh. "I guess it's just you and me again kid", he said. "How does a bottle sound? Yeah, pretty good, I know."

As Teresa drove away from Jane's new place all she could do was think how much she didn't want to go out tonight. She would love to have ordered in some food and sit and talk to Jane. She'd loved hearing about his childhood, even though the story had real elements of sadness. She would also have liked to spend some more time with Lily. The little girl had quickly twined herself around her heart.

Pike was such a nice guy and she needed to pull herself together for her date tonight. She'd have fun with him, she was sure of it. And she didn't have to worry about his tragic past or any demons. He was a decent, uncomplicated, straightforward guy who treated her well. So why then did her mind keep going back to the wounded, scarred and very sexy man she'd just left?

"You're pensive tonight Teresa", Marcus remarked later that evening. "Everything okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Just tired I guess."

"How did the move go? I could have helped you know."

"I know", she smiled. "There wasn't that much stuff – mostly rearranging furniture and emptying a few boxes. Jane is – pretty private. I don't think he would have felt comfortable with someone he didn't know touching his things."

"Really? Wow – a little paranoid is he?"

She frowned and picked at her food. "He's not _paranoid_", she said sharply. "I told you – he's private."

"You'd never know that from the way he acts", Marcus laughed. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I like he guy, but he isn't afraid to be pretty blunt about things."

"Yes, he's blunt – I like that. I get tired of having to be diplomatic with everyone we talk to. At least Jane says it like it is – and usually gets results because of it."

"Really? I just think he's rather a strange man. He always seems so happy, which is surprising, considering the tragedy in his life. I think if that had happened to me I'd have trouble ever smiling again. I certainly wouldn't play tricks on people and crack jokes!"

Teresa wondered if that was the impression Jane made on most people. Did everyone see him as a lighthearted jokester? If so, they couldn't be more wrong. She'd learned years ago that rarely was Jane as light-hearted as he seemed. He covered a soul full of pain under that happy go lucky exterior.

Although she had seen real joy on his face, especially since Lily had entered into his life. The baby was a blessing and Teresa was thankful that Jane had her.

"He's not always happy", she finally said, quietly. "He pretends. I told you, he's a private man."

"Oh – doesn't like to wear his heart on his sleeve?"

"No."

Pike nodded. "I can respect that. It makes it a lot easier for other people. Still, I think you are remarkably patient with him. I guess you've gotten used to him over the years."

"Yeah", she said softly, although part of her wanted to get up and dump her dessert in his lap. How dare Marcus presume to know anything about Jane – or about her relationship with the consultant? "Actually, I don't have to be patient with him, not usually. He's a good partner."

"I'm sure he is." Pike reached over the table and took her hand. "Let's not talk about Patrick Jane any more", he whispered. "Let's talk about us."

She managed to avoid moving into a heavy relationship talk with Marcus, claiming she was too tired to deal with anything serious. He'd seemed disappointed, but had agreed and instead drove her home. He assumed he was staying overnight but again she claimed tiredness and so, reluctantly, Marcus indicated he'd sleep at home that evening but would be back in the morning to take her to brunch.

As she got ready for bed that night all she could think about was that Jane was all alone – except for Lily – on his first night in his new home. That somehow seemed so sad.

Without thinking about it too much she changed her mind and pulled off her pajamas and redressed in her jeans and a clean shirt. She then grabbed her keys, a movie and a bottle of wine.

Ten minutes later she rang the doorbell of Jane's apartment. The wait was short and then she could hear the door unlock and it swung open. Patrick was there, dressed in sweatpants and a long-sleeve sweatshirt. He didn't look as if he'd gone to bed yet, although he did look surprised.

"Teresa – is something wrong?"

"No", she held up the bottle of wine. "I know it's too late and you probably think I'm crazy, but I thought we should celebrate your first night in your new place. I won't stay long if you don't want me too – and if you were going to bed I can go now."

"No – no, come in." His lips turned up in what she thought of as his 'sweet smile'. "I'm glad you came. Here, give me the bottle – I'll open it. Have a seat."

She curled up on his brand new couch and waited for him to appear with the bottle, now open, and two glasses. He placed them on the table and poured the wine. She was rather startled to see his hands shake – from exhaustion she supposed. She suddenly felt guilty.

"I shouldn't be here", she exclaimed, trying to stand. "You're exhausted."

Jane held her down, gently. "I'm not that tired and I'm glad you came", he told her seriously. "Now, we have to make a toast." He handed her the glass. "To-"

"- new beginnings", she said softly. They clinked glasses.

"To new beginnings." Patrick looked at her closely and then took a sip of wine. "Is that a movie?" he nodded towards the DVD.

"Yes – High Noon. I don't know if you like classics?"

up on the coffee table, "I love them", he told her. "Just wait." He returned a few minutes later with two pillows and a blanket. He handed her the pillow and then went and slipped in the disk into his brand new DVD player. He sat on the couch beside her, his feet up on the coffee table, and threw the blanket over them both. Without saying another word he turned on the movie.

Soon the sound of 'Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darlin'" filled the room and the two friends sat together and watched the movie, Jane with a faint smile on his face.


	7. Approaching Normal

She awoke startled, unsure as to where she was. The TV was on, its screen white and the sound hissing softly. She felt a warm body beside her – in fact she was plastered up against that warm body. She moved slowly, carefully and wasn't at all surprised to find Patrick Jane sound asleep beside her.

She was pretty sure they'd finished the movie, but after that she couldn't remember a thing. She'd been tired from the move and the wine and had clearly fallen asleep on the couch. Jane was used to sleeping in odd positions and in strange places so it wasn't surprising that he was out beside her. On the other hand she usually didn't fall asleep in strange places and certainly never practically on top of someone who wasn't a boyfriend. She must really have been tired – or comfortable a small voice in her head told her.

She watched him for a moment, used to seeing him sleep although never quite so close to her. He seemed more relaxed than he usually did and chalked that up to Lily. Jane was happier than she'd ever seen him, although there was still a guarded quality about his emotions that disturbed her. She supposed it was because of his fear of loving someone and then losing them again. Still, she wished there was a way she could help him to accept the new happiness in his life.

She sighed. It's not your job Teresa, she told herself. She wasn't Jane's keeper, even though that's the role she had assumed for so many years. No, she had moved on and was with Marcus now. Jane wasn't interested in her in that way and she was ready to have someone in her life, someone who loved her and needed her.

He moved slowly and then groaned softly. His eyes opened but rather than looking startled he simply smiled. "Hi."

"Hi yourself", she smiled back. "I think we fell asleep."

"Yeah." He sat up and stretched and glanced around. "It was kind of nice."

"To fall asleep on the couch?"

He grinned and looked at her, which caused her to roll her eyes. "No, that's pretty normal. I meant it was nice to have someone with me – uh, keeping me warm."

She blushed, which irritated the heck out of her. "Well, it may have been warm, but now I have a stiff neck."

"Want me to give you a rub?"

She did – really – but knew it probably wasn't a good idea. There was something about their position, and the fact that Jane was looking particularly sexy, with his hair all messed up and in his sweats that told her the situation was dangerous. She let out a soft groan and sat up. "Sounds good, but I probably should be heading home. What time is it?"

He raised his brow and then shrugged. "I'll check." He forced himself up off the couch and went into the kitchen to look at the clock on the microwave. "It's 3:23", he called out.

"Damn, it's the middle of the night!" She pushed herself off the couch. "I've got to get home."

"Why don't you just stay here", he told her. "You're tired and probably shouldn't be driving. You can have my bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

"I couldn't do that", she shook her head. "You need your bed."

"Teresa, I've slept on couches and cots for years. One more night isn't going to kill me. Why don't I get you some clothes and you can crash here. You can head home in the morning."

She was so tempted. She _was_ tired and the thought of getting in her car and driving home really didn't appeal. But she shouldn't impose on Jane.

"And you'll get to see Lily in the morning", he told her.

She sighed. "Okay – but only so that I can see Lily", she told him sternly.

"Of course. Come on, I'll get you some clothes. You look like you're ready to collapse."

She followed him down the short hallway to his bedroom. He pulled out a t-shirt and sweat pants and handed them to her. "They'll be way too big, but the pants have a draw string. Just help yourself to anything and sleep tight."

"Thanks", she yawned. "I'm sorry about taking your bed."

"Anytime Teresa", he said, sounding serious. But when she looked at him he was smiling at her. On that note he turned and left her alone.

She fell asleep a few minutes later, snuggled up in Jane's bed, his scent surrounding her.

Jane lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about the fact that Teresa was just down the hallway. He so wished he could be with her, curled up around her warm and soft body. He smiled when he thought of her falling asleep on him just a few hours ago. He'd held her then, wide-awake for hours, allowing himself to dream.

With a sigh he turned and pulled the blanket over him. He didn't know where things were going, but he was nervous and hopeful at the same time. He slowly allowed himself to relax, knowing there was nothing he could do right now. Instead, he slept.

She heard the baby moving the next morning and quickly got up out of bed. When she walked into the room Lily was on the verge of bursting into tears but when the baby saw Lisbon she held out her little arms and was immediately scooped up.

"Hey little one", Teresa crooned. "Don't cry. Teresa is here." She bounced the baby up and down a few times until the tears were averted.

"So, I guess you need a change and then a bottle, huh? Let's get a clean diaper and then something to eat – and then we'll go wake up daddy – uh Patrick."

She quickly changed the baby's diaper and then couldn't resist finding a cute outfit for her. This time she dressed her in a little dress and even added a band that went on her head. "Did daddy get this for you?" she asked as she put it on. She picked Lily up and then headed towards the kitchen. It was only as she walked that she realized again she was referring to Patrick as 'daddy'. She'd have to stop that.

Lily was getting fussy, obviously hungry for her bottle, and Teresa had to keep jiggling her as she prepared it. Finally it was done and she popped it in Lily's mouth. She then made her way to the living room where Jane was still sleeping.

She sat and fed the baby, all the while keeping her eye on the man on the couch. It was only when Lily was done and started to vocalize that Jane's eyes slowly opened. He looked around at the noise and sat up quickly.

"Teresa! You should have woken me up", he told her.

"Nah, we had a good time, didn't we Lily?" she smiled at the little girl, who gave her a huge grin in return. "Yes we did! And we let daddy sleep in like the lazy man he is."

Jane snorted and stood up, his hair wild and marks on his cheek from the pillow. He looked as adorable as Lily, thought Teresa. "Lazy? And here I was going to make you some of my special pancakes but now -"

"I take it back", she cried. "Daddy's not lazy, is he Lily?"

"Uh – daddy?" Patrick looked at her with a strange expression on his face.

"Sorry, it just kind of sneaks out. What do you want me to call you?"

"Patrick?"

"Somehow I don't know if that's going to work for Lily. How about Uncle Patrick?"

"Kind of a mouthful."

"Mmm hmm." She watched him carefully knowing it was a decision he had to make for himself.

"I don't know if I can", he said softly, his eyes on the baby.

"Can?"

"Be her daddy."

"But you already are" Teresa told him gently. "In every way that counts."

He let out a lungful of air and closed his eyes. "Yeah, I guess that's true but – it's hard."

"I know." She walked over to him and put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry – but I bet if anyone can help you deal with it, it's Lily herself."

He laughed softly. "She's something, isn't she?"

"She's adorable. You're a lucky man to have her."

"I am", he nodded. "Alright, enough of this. Let's eat!"

It wasn't until after she'd eaten way too many pancakes and had a cup of coffee – who knew Jane could make such good coffee when he barely drank it – that she even bothered to look at the time.

"Is that right?" she asked, sitting up quickly.

He glanced at the clock, which showed it was almost 9:30. "I guess so."

"Crap! I've got to go." She stood up quickly and headed to the bedroom, where she changed back into her clothes. Jane watched as she flew to the front door, only turning around at the last minute. "Thank you for everything. I'm sorry I have to leave like this."

"It's okay Teresa", he waved her off. "Thanks again for helping us move and for watching Lily." He looked at the little girl in his arms. "Say goodbye to Auntie Teresa, Lily." He lifted her arm and helped her wave. They stood at the door together, both smiling, as Teresa got into her car and headed home.

"Well, that was fun", he sighed, the smile dropping from his face. "She probably has a date with Marcus this morning. Yes I know", he said to Lily, just as if she'd spoken. "He's not the right one for her, but she doesn't know that." He sighed and headed back inside. "So, what are we going to do today?"

He regarded the little girl seriously and then whispered. "So, how do you feel about having me as your daddy?"

* * *

><p>Lisbon was thankful the roads were quiet this morning since she drove over the speed limit all the way home. She had totally forgotten the fact that Marcus was coming over this morning for brunch. If she were lucky she'd make it back before him. She wouldn't have time to shower and change though and just hoped he'd believe her story of having slept in.<p>

She hated the fact that she was lying to him, but knew it really wasn't worth it to try and explain her relationship with Jane. Not that _she_ understood it herself. She shook her head as she thought about last evening and about breakfast. She had really enjoyed her time with him, and with Lily of course. She had rarely spent time with him that was as – normal – as the last day had been. Usually they were solving a case or dealing with the fallout from his actions. Rarely had they spend time together just talking and having fun.

She pulled into her driveway and breathed a sigh of relief – Marcus hadn't arrived. She hurried inside and quickly made her way to her bedroom and threw off her t-shirt. She wished she had time for a shower, but knew all she could do was straighten up and hope she didn't smell.

She was just running the brush through her hair when the bell rang. Marcus had arrived.

"Hey beautiful!" he reached out and pulled her to him and gave her a sweet kiss. She allowed herself to melt into him, trying to feel the excitement she had first felt when they had started dating.

He felt comfortable – warm and solid and safe. She allowed herself to revel in the feelings for a few moments, but she could tell from his response that he took her action to mean something far different. She sighed and pulled back. For some reason she really didn't want to let things go that far this morning.

"Hi", she smiled. "Come on in."

He laughed and looked around at the hallway, where he was already standing. "I snuck in when I was kissing you", he told her.

"So you did", she looked around in mock surprise. "I'll have to watch that. You're way too devious for me."

"Really? I would have thought you would be used to devious by now – you know, with Jane."

She sighed, but this time it was with irritation. "What is it about Jane?" she asked. "You sound like you're obsessed with him."

He stepped back and rubbed his hand through his hair. "Sorry – I don't mean to be. I guess I just find him a bit strange. And I feel protective of you. I know you spend a lot of time with him and well – I worry."

"About what?" she frowned.

"That he's going to get you in trouble, or that he's going to do something stupid or self-centered and get you hurt."

"Jane?" she laughed. "He does those things on a daily basis and I'm still here."

"I know", he said gently, "but that doesn't mean that something won't happen someday. I know a bit about his history and it's a miracle you've survived with him all these years."

She stepped away, feeling like she wanted to defend Jane. It's true he'd gotten them in trouble on the odd occasion, but he'd also saved their butts – _her_ butt – many times. And who was Marcus to be criticizing him. "He's a good partner", she informed him. "And yes, he's done some crazy things, but he is one of the best detectives in the country and I'm proud to work with him."

"Hey", he reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. "I didn't mean to criticize. I'm sure he's a nice guy – I just worry about you, okay?"

"Okay", she took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down. As irritated as she was, she could also recognize that much of what Marcus said was the truth. "Would you like a drink?" she finally asked.

"Nah – I made a reservation at Prandium for brunch." He looked at his watch. "We'd better get going or they're going to give our table away. It's a popular place."

Damn – she'd forgotten he'd promised brunch. "Uh, let me just grab my purse. I'll be right with you."

"I hope you're hungry", he called after her as she made her way to her bedroom. "The food is amazing and it's all you can eat."

Double damn! She'd just eaten a big breakfast of Patrick's pancakes and the last thing she wanted was another mean. She groaned softly. She'd just have to force herself to eat. There's no way she wanted Marcus to know she'd spent the night, however innocently, at Jane's.

"Teresa", Marcus put down his fork and looked at her with a somber expression. "There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" she frowned, barely listening. She stretched and wished she could unzip her pants. She felt like she was going to explode.

"These past couple of months have been great," he started by saying. "I'm so happy I met you."

"Thank you Marcus", she smiled and touched his hand gently. "You're sweet."

He looked slightly embarrassed but then continued. "I don't want to lose what we have," he told her seriously. "I think – and I hope you do too – that we have something pretty special." He looked down at the cup he was twisting and turning in his hands. "I've been offered a job in DC."

She stared at him for a few heartbeats, not sure how to react. There should have been worry and disappointment but instead there was a strange numbness, a feeling of unreality about the whole conversation. "Really?" she finally managed to get out.

"Yeah – it's a great opportunity." He regarded her earnestly. "I want you to come with me Teresa."

"Come – but - " she blinked and licked her lips. "But I work here."

"There's a job opening there. I'm sure you would have a good chance of getting it. I've already mentioned you and they're interested." He reached out and took her hand. "Teresa, we're good together and this is a great opportunity – the job I mean. Please say you'll think about it."

After a moment she nodded her head. He was right – they _were_ good together. She was lucky to have met him. He'd be good for her and together they could have a good life. She'd be a fool not to consider this.

If the thought of a certain man and a little baby intruded on the vision of a perfect life with Marcus – well, she wasn't going to dwell on it. She gave the man across from her a smile. "Yes, I will."


	8. Messing Things Up

_**Sigh - so happy the season has started and I loved the few romantic moments in the first episode. The only sad thing is there are only 12 episodes left.**_

_**Thank you so much to my reviewers. I will try and reply asap but have been busy writing stories and recovering from turkey.**_

For some reason she felt uncomfortable when Jane walked in that Monday morning. She'd had a great time at his place and nothing bad had happened, so why she was feeling that way she couldn't say.

She glanced up as he walked by and gave him a smile. He grinned back at her and dropped something on her desk as he went by. She looked down and chuckled when she saw the 'How to Decorate for a Princess' magazine on her desk. She picked it up and was overwhelmed by all the shades of pink that were possible. She shook her head, wondering if she could really do this to poor Lily.

"How is she?" she called out to Jane as he sat down, teacup in hand.

"She's good. We went to the playground and she tried the swings for the first time."

"Really?" She wished, for a moment, that she could have been there to see that, but then quashed that down. It wasn't fair to poor Marcus after he'd gone out of his way to make the day special for her. "How did she like it?"

"At first all you could see were her two big eyes. I don't think she knew what to make of it at first. It was pretty cute", he grinned. "But after a few minutes she loved it and started to laugh and kick."

"You didn't push her too hard", Lisbon frowned, worried about the little girl.

Jane rolled his eyes. "Of course I did. I pushed her as hard and as fast as I could. Nothing like seeing a little baby flying through the air on a swing."

"_Jane_!"

"Of course I didn't Teresa. I _do_ know how to swing little girls." He took a sip of tea, seemingly unaware of what he'd just said.

Teresa shook her head, but there was a smile on her face. Jane was starting to fall into the roll so naturally, and without always thinking about Charlotte. She stopped for a moment then, wondering if that were true. He was always so good at pretending.

"You're thinking much too hard Teresa", he said gently. "We had fun. You'll have to come sometime. Lily would like that."

So would she. She nodded. "That would be great. Uh – I'd better get back to work. I'm looking into some background information on the Marsden case for Cho."

"Meh", he crinkled his nose. "His cousin Peter did it."

She sighed. "How do you know that?"

"He's next in line to take over the company, now that Marsden is gone."

"No he's not. There's Marsden's daughter and then his younger brother."

"The shareholders will never accept the daughter – too young, too flighty."

"What about the brother?"

"He's not interested. Didn't you hear him? He has no use for business. He's only interested in his research and with his inheritance doesn't need to money. Nope, it's cousin Peter."

"What evidence do you have?"

Patrick lowered his teacup and thought for a moment. He finally took a sip and then spoke. "His eyes are too small and too close together. Never trust a man with beady eyes."

"_That's_ why you think he's guilty?" she laughed. "Abbott's never going to accept that kind of evidence."

"What kind of evidence?" the man in question asked. "Jane? What evidence did you find and for what case."

"The Marsden case", Lisbon told him. "He thinks the cousin is guilty because he has beady eyes."

Abbotts eyebrows went up. "And that's your only reason?"

"Isn't that enough?" Jane asked, sounding almost bored. He'd solved the case. What more did they want.

"Uh no", Abbott replied. "Lisbon, what have you found?"

"The business partner, Felix Adleman, doesn't have an alibi for the time of the murder. I also discovered that he was in debt to the tune of over a million dollars. He likes to bet on the horses."

"He didn't do it", Jane said, lying back and staring at the ceiling.

"Keep checking him out", Abbott told her, "although we'd better look more closely at the cousin too."

"Yes Sir", Teresa answered. After her boss had left she turned back to Jane. "You're sure it was the cousin."

"Mmm – maybe 85%", he told her. "I know it wasn't the partner though. You'll find that he does have an alibi, he just didn't want to give it to the police."

"What is it", she asked, sounding resigned.

"_Who_ is it do you mean?"

"Alright _who_ is his alibi?"

"Sheri Marsden."

"Sheri – you mean Marsden's wife?"

"Mmm hmm. She's was a trophy wife, arm candy. She married Marsden for his money and power but she was attracted to the partner – who is much younger and something of a playboy."

"You're saying they were having an affair."

"Meh – affair is probably too strong a word. A brief fling is more like it. But on the night of the murder they were together."

"How do you know this", she asked, curious rather than skeptical.

"I saw the way he looked at her when the police were questioning him. She glared at him and he looked panicked. She didn't want it known that she was sleeping around. I expect Marsden wrote in a fidelity clause in their prenup so she'd get little of nothing if it turns out she was cheating."

Teresa laughed softly as she looked at the paperwork in front of her. She thought about going to DC, to a new job, and wondered how she could possibly get through the day without Jane there to find the clues and work out the results in such unique ways. She shook her head and then straightened out the papers on her desk. She might as well get started on the cousin. She was almost positive he'd turn out to be the murderer.

"Jane", A few minutes later Abbott motioned for him to come into his office.

"What is it Dennis?" Jane asked as he ambled into his boss' sanctuary.

"My wife would like to throw a baby shower for you – or I guess it's actually for Lily – and told me to check with you first. She figures you could probably use some more things for the baby, although personally I think it's just because she likes having parties, especially ones with babies."

Jane was touched and a little embarrassed. "Uh that's awfully nice of her but she doesn't have to", he said, unsure of who would even want to come.

"I know", Dennis grinned. "But you'd be doing me a favor. She's been bored lately, which means I'm putting on weight."

"She's cooking gourmet meals for you to give her something to do?"

"Uh huh", Abbott nodded. "So, in support of my exercise and diet regime, how about allowing her to have the party."

"Okay", he nodded, feeling a bit strange about the whole thing. Other than his immediate team, he wasn't sure who would want to come. He didn't exactly have a lot of friends anymore.

As he walked slowly back to his couch he thought about that lack of friends. It hadn't bothered him during the hunt for Red John. In fact he'd preferred it that way. But now he didn't have just himself to think about. Now there was Lily.

And it wasn't just about friends. What if something happened to him? What would happen to her then? The last thing he wanted was for her to go into foster care. He'd have to think about naming someone as guardian.

Realizing his thoughts were all over the place, he settled on his couch and tried to clear his mind. So much had happened, and so fast, that he was feeling uncharacteristically flustered. He glanced at Teresa, knowing that a good portion of his feelings were due to her – and to Pike. He just wished he knew how to handle everything.

During his years looking for vengeance he'd set aside any interest in building close personal relationships. He wasn't interested in anything that got in his way and so had closed off that part of himself. Teresa had managed to squeeze through anyway, but by the time he'd finally realized it – and realized how vital she was to him – he'd let her get away. Now he was in the strange position of feeling completely out of depth.

He hated it.

* * *

><p>She really wasn't quite sure what had gotten into Jane, although she still suspected it must be the arrival of Lily that had done it. The man was on his best behavior and didn't give her a moment of frustration or irritation. He still used his skills to unmask criminals, but he did it in a calm, thoughtful and, she admitted it to herself, rather boring way.<p>

Still, she shouldn't complain. Everyone was happy, their solve rate was the highest of any team, and life was good. Why she felt worried about Jane then, she couldn't quite figure out.

She received the invite to the Abbott's for a baby shower for Jane. She knew his wife was behind it but was pleased that someone was doing this. She felt rather guilty for not having thought of it herself. She wondered how Jane felt about it. As much as he often did things that made him the center of attention, she knew that he was a deeply private man, and one made uncomfortable by praise or appreciation.

"Hey." The voice behind her startled her but the next moment Marcus had bent down and given her a quick kiss on the neck. "I came to see if you were free for lunch?"

She was rather irritated at him for his public shows of affection – at least in the office. She didn't like it and had tried to tell him, although she wondered if she was just being petty. Certainly no one else cared. He was so good to her – why should a small kiss embarrass her?

"Uh – sure", she smiled up at him. "I have a bit of time. That'll be nice." She grabbed her purse and stood up. She glanced over at Jane, who was deeply focused on a book. "Jane, if anybody asks I've just gone for lunch."

He lowered his book and nodded. "Sure. Hi Marcus. Have a good one." He immediately lifted the book and started to read again.

Teresa stared at him for a moment, wondering if he truly didn't care that she was seeing Marcus or whether, once again, it was a mask he wore. What she didn't notice was Marcus' strained look as he watched her watch Jane.

"So, can I pick you up for the baby shower?" Marcus asked her after they were seated at their table for lunch.

"Huh?"

"The baby shower? I got an invite from Abbott and I thought we could go together."

"Oh – you're going?"

"Of course", he frowned, "why shouldn't I?"

"Oh – I guess – I didn't think you and Jane – I mean, you're not really friends."

"No", he gave a lopsided smile. "Does he _have_ any friends?"

She scowled at that and was about to snap at him when the waitress arrived to take their order. By the time that was done she'd calmed down – partly because she realized that what Marcus had asked wasn't unreasonable.

"He has our team", she told him. "And Grace and Wayne. He also has some friends from his carnival days. You have to remember that he kept most people at a distance because he was afraid of what Red John would do."

"He didn't keep you at a distance."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she frowned at him.

"Nothing. I just meant – you got to be pretty close. Wasn't he worried about you?"

"Of course he was. In fact he did everything he could to keep me _out_ of his search but I wouldn't let him. I'm an officer of the law and it's my job – and I was perfectly safe."

"That's not what I heard. Didn't Red John kidnap you?"

"Yes – but he didn't hurt me and the rest of our team was fine."

"You were lucky. I also heard that a number of people close to Patrick _were_ killed – I mean besides his wife and daughter."

"Yes, Red John went after a few people. It was awful – and _not_ Jane's fault."

"I didn't say it was – just that knowing him was dangerous. And you have to admit that was true."

Teresa shrugged. "Maybe, although we deal with terrible criminals all the time – and yes, it's dangerous, but you should know that that's our job."

Marcus sighed. "I know Teresa – I guess – I just worry about you. There's something about Jane that makes me nervous, for you. I know he's a good guy – an irritating one – but a good one. I'd just feel better if you came with me to DC."

"You're asking me to move up there because of _Jane_?" she asked with an incredulous look.

"No, I'm asking you to move because of me." He reached out and took her hand. "I want you to come so we can be together, and if Jane isn't there, well then, that's even better."

She withdrew her hand as their lunch came, relieved that she had an excuse. She knew Marcus was concerned for her and he wasn't really wrong in what he'd said about Jane, although that was in his past, pre-Red John days. But still, she felt extremely defensive when she thought about Patrick. He was her friend and he deserved her loyalty.

"So, tell me about your new job", she asked, wanting to change the subject. The less said about Jane, especially to Marcus, the better.

* * *

><p>Jane was rather nervous as he set out for the party. He knew he'd have to be on his very best behavior, although when nervous he often had a tendency to speak without thinking and it was usually something embarrassing or cutting. But the Abbotts didn't deserve that so he'd have to watch everything he was saying.<p>

He glanced in the rear-view mirror to check on Lily. Her car seat was still facing back, but he had a mirror set up so that he could see her face. She was chewing on her rabbit's ear – again – and looked perfectly content. And perfectly adorable! He'd dressed her in her best outfit, a little pale yellow dress with flowers and a sunhat. He laughed when it dawned on him that he really didn't have to worry about what he was going to say. No one would be interested in him anyway. They'd only have eyes for his little girl.

He arrived and gathered all the baby's things and made his way up to the house where he was greeted by Hope Abbott. "So here's the little one", she crooned, reaching our her arms to take Lily. "Aren't you a beautiful little thing? Hi Patrick", she turned and smiled at the man in front of her. "It's so good to see you. And congratulations – although I'm so sorry about your brother-in-law and his wife."

"Thank you", he gave her his most charming smile. "This is so nice of you Hope. You really didn't have to do this."

"I know", she grinned. She then leaned over and whispered to him. "But I love parties and this was a great excuse." She stood again and stepped back. "Now come on in. A few people are here already, although more will be arriving. I'll keep the baby if it's okay with you? You just go and get yourself a drink – Abbott's got the bar."

He smiled again and set down the diaper bag in the hallway and made his way to the back yard, where the party was being held. There were already quite a few people there – all people from the FBI. When he arrived everyone called out to him and he instantly felt embarrassed, but hid it behind his usual smiles and cheerful comments.

Cho arrived a short time later as did Kim and he began to feel a bit better. By the time Wylie arrived he was in full swing – the baby had also been brought out by Hope Abbott and that took up a lot of time and attention as she was passed from person to person.

He grew uncomfortable again as a couple of the women – all agents he'd met but didn't know too well – came up to him, clearly interested in getting to know him better. They always said that a man with a dog or a baby attracted women – and it was very clearly true. He was charming and nice but made it pretty obvious he wasn't interested.

He heard some noise coming from the house and the next thing he knew Teresa walked out, looking beautiful in a white sundress. He smiled and went to speak, when Marcus suddenly appeared. He put his arm out and rested it on Teresa's back – and the urge to smile or to speak suddenly left him.

He had to keep up the front for the sake of the Abbott's, but if it had been his choice he would have gotten up and left. It was bad enough getting the quick glimpses of the two of them in the office, but at least there they were pretty circumspect. Today, however, Pike very clearly wanted everyone to know they were a couple. He kept his hand on Teresa practically every moment, and often would lean over and give her a quick kiss. When he spoke he always referred to the two of them, just as if they were an old married couple.

Jane ended up taking Lily and using her as his defense mechanism. Every time things got too hard to watch with Pike and Teresa, he'd turn to Lily and play with her or talk to her. He also changed her diaper more times than was strictly necessary, but at least that gave him a chance to get away and recoup for a few moments.

The afternoon went on, and soon it was time to open gifts. He was touched by the fact that people he didn't even know that well had purchased presents for the baby. A group had even gone in together and purchased playtime at a local baby gym for her.

Eventually the party began to break up, and eventually only his team remained. Lily was asleep in her travel crib and he was just waiting for her to wake up before he headed out. While he'd been feeding her, the guys had loaded his car with the gifts and now everyone was sitting and relaxing.

"That went well", Hope sighed, leaning into her husband.

"That's because you are a master party-planner", he husband said, kissing her on the cheek.

"It was wonderful Hope – thank you", Jane smiled at her.

"You got some great things", Teresa told him. "I can hardly wait to see her in some of those outfits!"

"She will be cute", Patrick grinned.

"You'll get lots of attention when you take her out all dressed up", Marcus said. "She'll be a great way for you to meet women!"

"_Marcus!" _Teresa swatted his arm. "A baby is not a tool to get women."

"But he's right", Cho agreed. "Women love babies."

Jane took a sip of his drink, knowing damn well what Marcus was up to. He'd gotten vibes from the guy all day and was clearly being warned away from Teresa. Too bad he didn't have to listen to the man.

"Yes – well, I'm afraid I'm not really interested in picking up women by using Lily", he said calmly. "I just want her to be happy."

"But you'll probably want to find a mother for her before too long", Pike said, sounding nothing but pleasant.

Jane simply raised is eyebrows and took another drink. "I think I need some time to get used to having a child again, before I worry about a wife", he answered calmly.

That appeared to make Marcus happy, which wasn't what Jane had intended, but he refused to let anyone know he was upset at the agent. He had to play this cool.

He frowned then and listened. "That's Lily." He stood up. "Excuse me, I'll just go and get her."

She was crying pretty hard by the time he got to her. She was overtired from the day and probably a bit scared waking up in a strange place. He picked her up and spent the next few minutes calming her down. When she had stopped crying he was able to change her and got her smiling again before he took her outside. "You were the star of the party my dear", he told her. That got him a big grin in return, and she reached to grab his nose. "No, not daddy's nose", he shook his head. "Let's bring bunny instead."

That made her perfectly happy and Jane headed back towards the outside. Of course it was just his luck to run into Pike, who had come inside for some reason. "Sorry", Jane said, stepping back.

"No problem. She's awake I see. I don't envy you having to look after a baby on your own. Must be hard work."

"It is", Jane said. "But worth it."

"Yeah – I'm looking forward to when we have one", Pike said, looking directly at Jane.

"Oh – you're planning that already are you?"

"Of course. Teresa doesn't have that much time left, so we'd want to get started right away."

Jane nodded, not willing to answer. He went to move past Pike but the other man reached out and took his arm. Jane looked down at it, but wasn't willing to create a scene, not while holding the baby.

"Look, I know you've had it rough and I feel sorry for you – but I want you to know that I love Teresa and I plan on marrying her. I know how you feel about her but don't try any of your tricks. She doesn't deserve that and it's time you let her go. I know you", he went on, his eyes narrowed. "You'll do everything you can, including lying and cheating and manipulating her to get her to stay – but I warn you that I'll play just as dirty to make sure she comes with me. I don't like you Jane, and I don't really care what happens to you – but I do care about Teresa and I'm going to make sure you're out of her life, once and for all."

"Get your hands off me", Jane said quietly. "And don't you dare tell me what to do. Who do you think you are? You're nothing but a boring, self-righteous prig. I don't know what Teresa sees in you – but one day she will discover that you're not the nice guy you pretend to be. I can hardly wait for that day to come."

"_Jane_!" Teresa's voice stopped him cold. He looked up, to see her horrified gaze on him.

He knew exactly what had just happened. She had only heard the last part of that conversation – had heard his reply to Marcus but not what the other man had said to him. She thought Marcus was a nice guy – and she knew how sarcastic and rude he could be – and he knew that he'd just put the last nail in his coffin. One glance at Marcus' triumphant face told the story.

He shifted Lily in his arms and stepped forward. "I'm sorry Teresa", he said softly. "I've got to get Lily home – she's tired." With that he walked into the back yard and said his goodbye's to the Abbotts and the rest of his team.

He bundled Lily in her car seat and turned on his car. He sat for a couple of seconds and then pulled out of the driveway.

"Well little one – I really messed that one up, didn't I?" He sighed and drove the rest of the way home.

_**So - Marcus Pike was actually a pretty decent guy but for the sake of my AU story I've made him the sneaky manipulative one. Sorry!**_


	9. Sick Day

He didn't sleep well that night. He mostly blamed it on Lily, who was cranky and out of sorts and who woke a number of times crying. But the truth was, he wouldn't have slept anyway.

He should have been used to it, _was_ used to it, although since he'd left the country following the end of Red John he'd slowly begun to rest better. But he was back to lying there, staring at the ceiling, and wishing that his life was different.

He let out a half-laugh, half groan at his maudlin thoughts. He knew it wasn't possible to die of a broken heart – he'd survived the last one – but it was hellishly painful.

_Why_, he asked himself. He'd been so careful this time, so good. He'd treated Pike well, he'd been on his best behavior, he'd done everything he could to show Teresa he was a better man. But one brief moment of anger and jealousy and everything had come tumbling down.

For a moment he allowed himself to be angry at Teresa for believing so little in him, for being willing to accept that he could have struck out at Pike without cause. The next moment the anger left him. It _was_ his fault. Even if he hadn't done anything – or at least not anything not justified – _this_ time, he had a history of striking at people with little provocation. He'd done it to himself.

He groaned and turned, tired of everything. Maybe it was time he realized that he had had his chance for love with Angela. He deserved to be alone the rest of his life – alone except for Lily.

He thought of the sweet little girl and realized that life wasn't all bad. He'd at least been given another chance at fatherhood and he was going to do his damnedest to not screw it up this time. He would love her and try and be happy for her sake.

He just wished he didn't have to face Lisbon again, and more especially, he didn't want to have to see her with Pike. He decided there and then he was going to ask Abbott if he could transfer to another division, at least until she left for DC.

The thought shattered what little remained of his heart.

* * *

><p>She was so angry she didn't know what to do. She had thought that Jane had changed, that he was showing some maturity and selflessness for once. In fact, she has seriously been having trouble deciding to leave Austin and go to DC, not wanting to give up the great partnership she had with him. Besides that there was Lily. She hated the thought of not being able to see the little girl again and knew that there could be a place for her as Lily's aunt.<p>

But now! Now she was going to call Marcus up and tell him she was ready to leave _tomorrow_. What had gotten into Jane to go after him like that? If she had allowed herself to calm down she might have questioned _why_ he would have done it, but the anger and embarrassment were too strong. All she knew was that she was furious and she didn't want to see him, ever again. Marcus was right. She needed to get away from Jane. He wasn't good for her.

* * *

><p>Jane woke up feeling awful. He had finally managed to doze off early in the morning, and was sure the way he was feeling was because of lack of sleep. As he forced himself up, in order to collect a screaming Lily, he realized that there was more to it than that.<p>

He was sick.

He stumbled out of bed and down the short hallway to find Lily practically hysterical in her crib. It dawned on him that he must have slept through her cries for a long time, as she looked terrified and frantic.

"I'm sorry baby", he croaked, rushing over to the crib and picking her up. She was shaking she was so upset and completely wet, from top to toe. Her diaper had leaked and her face was awash in tears and he felt horrible. "I'm so sorry Lily. Daddy's here now", he crooned softly, walking back and forth in her room.

Damn – he was so dizzy he had to sit down, even though she was far from happy yet. She continued to cry for a long time, too traumatized from having been left in her crib to easily settle.

Eventually her frantic cries turned to whimpers and then to soft hiccups. Finally she was calm enough that he could place her on his knee and look at her. Her face instantly broke his heart. "Poor baby", he intoned. "I didn't mean to leave you!" It dawned on him in that moment how sad it was that she only had him.

Once she was calm enough to allow him to lay her down, he changed her diaper and dressed her in clean clothes. He took a warm cloth and washed her face. Once she was clean and dry he quickly prepared a bottle for her and sat back in the rocking chair and fed her.

By the time he was done she was happier, although still very clingy. She wouldn't let him leave her for more than a few seconds and seemed only to feel secure in his arms. She'd gotten a fright and needed the security of his presence.

Normally he would have been fine with that, but today it was hard. He, the man who never got sick, was feeling like crap. He had a fever, his throat felt like he'd swallowed a mouth-full of razor blades, he was dizzy and nauseous. He wanted nothing more than to climb in bed and pull the blankets over him and sleep.

But this was parenthood! The needs of his child came first and always would. He remembered Charlotte getting sick a few times and how hard that at been. At least then there were two of them to look after her, although to be totally honest Angela had done the bulk of the work.

He settled down in a chair, Lily in his lap, and turned on the TV. Maybe she'd enjoy watching a children's program.

Sadly that interested her for all of five minutes and then she grew fussy. He prayed she wasn't coming down with something as well, because he didn't know how he'd cope. As it was he found it difficult to deal with simple tasks like feeding and changing her.

He finally placed a blanket on the floor and set her down, propped up with her pillow, and put toys all around her. He lay down too – which was good as he wasn't steady on his feet – and attempted to play with her.

The one thing he didn't do was put his head down, because he was afraid he'd fall asleep on her again and he couldn't do that to her. The poor thing had already had to deal with that once today.

Even when she took a nap he was careful not to go to sleep, although by this time he was so sick he would have sold his soul for a few hours of rest. Still, he was too frightened he was going to pass out and not wake up for her and instead made himself drink tea and sit up, watching her sleep.

By the time he was able to put Lily to bed that night he was a wreck. He admitted to himself that he had a bad case of the flu and really just needed to sleep and drink fluids. He made sure to set an alarm clock for himself and moved her crib into his room. He didn't like having her so near to him with all his germs, but figured she'd already been exposed. This way he wouldn't sleep through her cries.

When he woke up the next morning he felt even worse. He avoided taking his temperature – it was enough to know he was burning up. At least it was Monday, and he could take Lily to daycare. They'd watch her for the day and he could rest. By the time he had to pick her up he hoped he'd feel better.

As he packed her up, ready for the short trip to the daycare, he remembered to call Abbott's office phone and leave a message saying he had come down with something and needed to take a sick day. Since his voice sounded terrible he was pretty sure Abbott would know he wasn't faking it.

He returned home after quickly dropping Lily off and climbed into bed. He was too exhausted to even take off his clothes. Within seconds he was asleep.

* * *

><p>Of course she noticed that he didn't come in that day from the glaringly empty space on his couch. She snorted, sure that he was being a coward and couldn't face her. Well fine, she thought. If that's the way he wanted to play it then she could handle that. The less she had to deal with him the better.<p>

She did have to speak to Abbott though and tell him that she was going to DC. She'd told Marcus last evening and he'd been thrilled. She should have been too and kept telling herself it was the right decision, even though something about it bothered her. She glanced over at Jane's couch. No! It didn't have anything to do with him. She was just nervous about such an important step.

She worked late that evening, trying to clear up some old paperwork and – even if she didn't admit it – trying to distract herself. Marcus was away overnight on a case so rather than go home to an empty apartment she decided to stay and work.

Her phone rang and she glanced down. It was already 6:20 and she was getting hungry. Figuring it must be Marcus she picked up her phone and answered.

"Hi."

"_Hello. Is this Teresa Lisbon?"_

"Yes." Teresa sat up straight, wondering who it could be. She didn't recognize the voice.

"_This is Stephanie Mendoza, I'm with Little Tots Daycare."_

"Yes? What can I do for you?"

"_Well, we had you listed as an emergency contact for Lily Ruskin so we called you. We've been trying to contact Mr. Jane – he was supposed to pick her up over an hour ago – but he's not answering his phone. I have to leave and someone needs to pick Lily up."_

"What? You mean he just left her there?" That wasn't like Jane at all. Suddenly she was worried and wished she'd asked Abbott where he was.

"_Yes, I'm afraid so. It's really not like him" the woman said, confirming Teresa's thoughts. "I thought maybe he got held up at work, but he didn't contact us. We normally have someone on call in case agents need to work late, but I'm afraid my colleague is sick and I have to leave. I'm wondering if you could come and get Lily?"_

Get Lily? For a moment she considered refusing, wondering if this was some ploy of Jane's. But a second later realized that he would never do that – not with his little girl. "Okay, sure. Uh, could you give me the address? I'll head over right now."

It took her just over ten minutes to get to the daycare and she spent the time on the way wondering what in the world had happened. She debated calling Abbott, but first she decided to see if she could find Jane herself before involving her boss.

"Thanks so much", Stephanie was waiting at the door, the baby in her arms. As soon as Lily saw Teresa she smiled, squealed and held out her arms.

"Hi little one", Teresa smiled and took the baby. "I'm sorry about this. I really don't know what's happened."

"He's probably caught in traffic somewhere with a dead cell phone", Stephanie smiled. "It's happened before."

"You're probably right. Uh – I don't have a car seat." She suddenly realized she had no way of getting the baby home.

"We have one you can borrow. I'll just get it and help you put it in your car. I'll need you to sign it out I'm afraid. You can drop it off later."

Once the car seat was in, Teresa buckled in the baby and said goodbye to Stephanie. A moment later she was on the road.

"So, what's happened to your daddy Lily?" she asked. She glanced back but couldn't see the baby as she was facing backwards. "He was a bad boy to leave you there, although this way we get to spend some time together." She chatted away to her all the way to Jane's place. It allowed her to keep herself from worrying. What the hell had happened?

The first thing she noticed when she arrived at his apartment was that his car was in in its parking spot. Feeling even more concerned she gathered Lily and made her way up to his door. She rang and waited, but no one came. After that she gave a sharp knock on the door but still there was no answer.

"So, what should we do?" she asked the baby, who was starting to get fussy. Teresa figured she must be hungry. Not hoping for anything she reached out to the door handle and turned it, surprised when it actually opened.

She went to open the door but then stopped. Why would Jane's door be open? What if something had happened to him? She slowly pushed the door and checked inside before walking in. Everything looked in order. "Jane", she called. There was no answer.

She stepped forward and again looked closely around the room. There was a blanket on the floor with numerous toys spread around. There were also three teacups on the coffee table and what looked like a plastic bag of dirty tissues. What the heck was going on? Jane was not a messy person, but this looked like he'd just up and left in a hurry.

"Jane", she called again. Lily wiggled in her arms and let out a cross noise. She was definitely hungry and probably wet. "_Jane!_" she called again, slowly walking into the apartment. "Well Lily, I guess we'd better check the bedroom." She hesitated only briefly, but things still looked okay, so she walked to his bedroom and pushed open the door.

Her first sight of Jane scared her. He was lying across the bed, on his stomach. He was fully dressed and wasn't moving. She panicked that he was dead, her heart sinking to her toes. But a moment later she saw that his back was rising slowly and there was sweat on his face. After that she approached cautiously until she was standing right beside his bed.

"Oh Jane!" She reached out and touched his forehead. Yup – he was burning up. On close inspection it was obvious he was sick. He was pale and clammy with huge circles under his eyes. His breathing was rough and he looked terrible. No wonder he hadn't been in today.

First things first. She needed to look after Lily and then see if she could help Jane. She wondered for a moment if she should call an ambulance, but his breathing, although rough, was steady. She was pretty sure he just had the flu, which had been going around.

"Jane." She reached out and gently touched his shoulder. It took her a few shakes but his eyes finally opened. He looked at her blearily; no recognition in his eyes, and slowly started to drift off to sleep again. '_Jane_! Come on, wake up." She shook him again and his eyes opened again. This time he slowly blinked and a moment later he frowned.

"Teresa?" he croaked.

"Hi", she said gently. She carefully knelt down beside the bed, an almost crying Lily wiggling in her arms. "How ya doing?"

"Fine", he answered. He looked at Lily, his face worried, and tried to sit up. "What time is it?" he was clearly confused and was attempting to figure out why she was here in his room with Lily in her arms.

"It's 7:00 o'clock", she answered. "Just rest. I'm going to get Lily fed and then I'll come and check on you. Just go back to sleep, okay?"

"Huh?" he tried to lick his lips but his mouth was too dry. He was still confused so she put her hand on his arm. "Just rest Patrick. Everything is okay. I have Lily and you need to relax and sleep. I'll be right back."

This time he nodded, too tired and sick to deal with anything, although he was still perplexed as to what was going on. By the time she'd reached the door he was already half asleep.

It didn't take her long to get Lily fed and changed. She then put her down in her little play crib, a few toys at hand. After that she returned to Patrick's room. Now it was time to deal with the bigger half of the family. She didn't expect this to be as easy.

"Hey there", she sat on the side of the bed and reached out for him. He woke up more quickly this time, although he simply stared at her once awake. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine", he answered again, his voice practically non-existent.

She rolled her eyes. "Right! Well it's obvious you're _not_ fine. In fact, you're sick so let's see if we can get you more comfortable."

Faint lines appeared between his brow, as if a full-on frown was much too difficult for him to master at the moment. "I don't get sick", he informed her, although the last word turned into a cough.

"Of course you don't", she soothed. "Come on, let's turn you over. We need to get you out of these clothes and into something more comfortable and then I'm going to get some tea and Tylenol into you." She helped him flip over and began to unbutton his shirt, which was totally damp and wrinkled.

He allowed her to work her way down to almost the last button before he seemed to realize what she was doing. At that point he reached out with a shaky hand and grabbed onto hers. "What – are you doing?"

"Taking off your shirt", she told him, imperturbably. "We need to get you out of these clothes. You'll be much more comfortable."

"You can't undress me", he wheezed, looking slightly worried.

"Can you do it by yourself?" she asked calmly.

"Huh?"

The poor man was too sick to really understand what was going on. "Patrick, I had three brothers and nursed them through numerous illnesses. Just think of me as your sister or aunt – or something. Now stop arguing and help me." She finished unbuttoning his shirt and then went to find something for him to change into.

"Pajamas?" she asked.

His response time was slow but eventually he answered. "Top left drawer."

She pulled it open to find t-shirts. There were no pants so she pulled open more drawers to finally find a pair of sweats. "Okay, let's sit you up and take off this shirt. Here, I'll help."

It took a while but eventually she had him dressed in clean clothes. He'd insisted on doing his pants, which was fine with her, although by the time he was done he'd flopped back onto the bed, looking even paler than before.

She found some Tylenol in his bathroom and got him a drink. "Here", she held out the tablets. "Take these. I'm making you some tea."

By the time she got him organized and resting under the covers, Lily was starting to fuss. She went and retrieved the little girl, figuring it was probably time for her to go to sleep.

She looked at Jane, who was now sleeping soundly. "So, what are we going to do Miss Lily?" she asked the sleepy little girl. "I can't leave the two of you alone. So, I guess Aunt Teresa is staying the night."

She pulled the crib into the spare room, knowing that Jane would feel more comfortable knowing she was close to Lily. She then changed her into a sleeper and gave her her final bottle. By the time it was done Lily was sound asleep. She placed her in her crib and set the monitor. With a last look around she turned off the light and headed back to Patrick's room.

She watched him as he slept, a wave of tenderness rushing over her. The poor man – he had been sick and all alone, trying to deal with an infant. For a moment she wondered why he hadn't called her, but then realized he would have known she was angry at him. She walked over and sat on the side of the bed and continued to watch him.

For the first time she allowed herself to think about what had happened at the party without letting anger get in her way. As much as she had seen Jane say terrible things to people, it didn't seem in character for him to lash out at Marcus the way he had. He'd been so careful, up to that moment. What was it that had caused him to say what he had?

She thought back to the day – to the fact that Marcus had been overly touchy/feely with her. She'd been embarrassed and frustrated, but there hadn't really been anything she could do about it. She tried to think back to Jane's reactions but he'd been careful to not say or do anything to show how he had been feeling. He _had_ focused most of his attention on Lily and had barely spoken to her, although, to be fair, Marcus had stayed close and had rather exuded a 'she's mine' vibe throughout the afternoon.

At that she frowned. Marcus, who always seemed so nice, had been rather cold and unfriendly with Jane. Was it because Jane had said something previously, something that her boyfriend had never revealed? Or did he feel threatened by Jane for some reason? She thought back to the few comments he'd made and she realized he really _didn't_ like Jane. She should have realized it much sooner but her conflicted feelings had made her avoid even thinking about him in context with Patrick.

But _why_ was Marcus threatened? Did he not like the fact that she and Jane were close partners and friends? If that was the case she was really worried. No man was going to come between her and her friends. But he wasn't like that with anyone else. He seemed fine with Cho and certainly with Wylie and Abbott. So what was it about Jane that bothered him?

She thought about his comments about her being around Jane as dangerous, but with Red John gone that really wasn't an issue. If anything Jane was in more danger being around _her_ than vice-versa.

At that moment he moved and groaned softly. She reached out and touched him gently on the face. He was still hot although she thought his fever had gone done somewhat. She stood and got a bowl from the kitchen and filled it with cold water. She then retrieved a washcloth from the bathroom and sat beside him on the bed. Gently she placed the cold cloth on his forehead. His head turned as if to move closer and he sighed, clearly relishing the cool relief.

"So why did you say those things Jane?" she whispered softly. "Why be so mean to Marcus?" She dipped the cloth back in the water and wrung it out and began to gently wipe his face and neck. She continued to contemplate the ill-looking man, realizing that it was rare to see Jane so vulnerable. He guarded himself so closely, so carefully that even after all these years she sometimes had trouble reading him.

She allowed her mind to move back to Saturday at the Abbott's. She'd asked Marcus what had happened. He'd told her he'd simply made a comment to Jane about how hard it must be to look after a baby on his own and that the FBi consultant had lit into him. "I don't think he likes the fact that we're dating", he'd told her. "He feels like he owns you after all these years."

That had made her angry at the time, although all at once she felt guilty. Patrick was a _friend_ – had been a friend for a long time. He didn't treat her as if he owned her, even if at times he'd relied on her to get him out of trouble. She was one of the few people he'd trusted over the years and that had been something very special between them, something she'd counted on. She had also trusted him – for the most part. She had believed in him no matter what he'd done over the years and he'd known that and cherished it, even if he didn't always express it. So why did she so quickly believe the worst in him.

Because she was disappointed, it was as simple as that. As she sat here watching him she was finally able to be honest with herself. She'd hoped for so much more from him, hoped that he would say something, would tell her not to be with Marcus, would tell her how much she meant to him. But instead he'd been kind and understanding and all those things she didn't _want_ from him – not now. So, when he finally had struck out at Marcus she'd reacted without thinking, out of hurt and anger, instead of analyzing what had actually happened.

There was more to the story than Marcus was telling her. It dawned on her that she hadn't even thought to ask Jane his side of things, and that was horrible. It was a betrayal of their friendship and it would take her a long time to get over the guilt of that, or to make amends. She should never have simply believed that Jane could be so hurtful without some reason.

She placed a freshly wrung out cloth on his head and smiled. "Oh Patrick. What am I going to do with you?"

She finally crashed in the guest room, although she set the clock on her phone to wake up in a couple of hours to check on him. Lily slept through the night, thank goodness, although Jane tossed and turned and was miserable. She gave him more Tylenol and made him drink lots of fluids. He was groggy and didn't seem to quite understand why she was there, although he eventually seemed to accept it and her help.

The next morning she got Lily up and decided the best thing was to take her to daycare. That way she could concentrate on looking after Jane. She gave Abbott a quick call and explained the situation.

"You're sure he's okay?" the senior agent asked, sounding worried.

"He has the flu. He's miserable but I don't think it's too serious, although I think someone should be with him."

"I agree. Things are slow here anyway, so take the day and look after him. Tell him I hope he gets better soon."

She hung up and then got Lily ready to leave. Holding her in her arms she went into Jane's room, where he was lying there, half awake. "I'm taking Lily to daycare", she explained. "I'll be back in a bit."

"Kay", he mumbled, blinking slowly. "Bye bye Lily." He gave her a small wave and an attempt at a smile, but by the time Lisbon reached the door to his room he'd curled back down, his eyes closed and looking totally miserable.

She explained to the daycare workers what had happened and returned the car seat. Until Jane was better she'd use his car to transport Lily. She then stopped at the grocery store for a few items for him and was back in less than an hour.

She spent the day looking after Patrick and dozing on his couch. She attempted to watch some daytime TV but eventually turned it off, disgusted at the poor choices. She then grabbed some books from his bookshelf and tried to read. Nothing interested her very much.

Instead her mind kept returning to the Jane/Marcus problem. She hadn't called her boyfriend yet, not quite sure what to say. He'd be back later this evening and would expect her to be home. He'd drop by and wonder where she was and, knowing him, would raise the alarm if he couldn't find her.

At the same time, she didn't really want to tell him where she was. She didn't know why and that bothered her. Shouldn't she _want_ to share things with the man she loved? Shouldn't she be open with him and tell him how she was feeling? Why then did she hesitate? And why was it Jane who was always the first one she wanted to share things with? It could have been habit, although the honest little voice in her head told her it was more than that. She knew Jane – as cantankerous and irritating as he could sometimes be – would always look out for her.

She sighed and pushed the hair off his forehead. "You are a complicated man, do you know that Patrick? And for some stupid reason, I like that about you. Why? I could have straightforward, uncomplicated and nice – and instead I want you. I must be crazy." Once more she reached down and gently pushed her fingers through his hair. He was looking slightly better, although he was still sick and still asleep.

She sighed. Why could things never be easy? Because you'd hate that Teresa, her little voice told her. You _like_ things that are more complicated because in the end, you're sure that they're worth more. Somehow you know that Patrick Jane is worth more than uncomplicated and nice.

She finally stood up and stretched. She was going to shower and then sleep in the spare room, pretty sure that Jane was slowly on the mend. She needed some clean clothes after having been in these for so long so she swiped a t-shirt and sweats from Patrick, sure he wouldn't mind. As she made her way to the bathroom she shook her head. Her life was crazy.

Patrick opened his eyes and glanced around. Teresa was gone. He took a deep breath and again stared at the ceiling. Had he just been imagining things, or did Teresa really say she _wanted_ him? She wanted _him?_ He swallowed, pretty sure she had said it and he wasn't just imagining it in some fever-induced dream.

He still felt like crap. He still had a fever, a headache, achy joints and a sore throat – but for the first time in a long time he felt wonderful. He smiled and closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.


	10. Capter 1 10

Teresa woke up to the sounds of Lily making soft noises in her crib. She got up quickly, knowing that if she left the little girl for too long she'd start to cry.

"Good morning sweetheart", she lifted her from the crib and gave her a kiss, laughing when Lily reached out and grabbed her hair and attempted to put it into her mouth. "Hey, how about a bottle instead of that? It'll taste much better."

Lily gave her a toothy grin and continued to try and eat her hair. Teresa laughed and laid her down to change her diaper and dress her. "Okay, a bottle for you and then let's go check on Daddy. Hopefully he's feeling better today."

She made a bottle for the baby and then carried her into Jane's room. The man in question was sound asleep, his mouth hanging open and the covers all askew around him. She quietly walked over and put her hand on his forehead. He still had a slight fever, although it had gone down a lot. She was about to step away when he opened his eyes and stared at her, still obviously dazed from sleep.

"Good morning", she smiled softly at him.

"Hmm." He licked his lips and then grimaced. "Ugh."

"Morning breath?"

"More like sewer-mouth", he croaked. He cleared his throat and attempted to sit up, a puzzled frown on his face.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, before he had a chance to speak.

"Uh better, I think. I'm not sure -" He squinted up at her. "Not that it's not nice, but – what are you doing here?"

"You don't remember?" she asked, her eyebrows raised and a crooked smile on her face.

"Not really, no."

"The daycare called me", she told him.

"They did? Why?" he frowned, still confused by what was going on.

"You didn't pick Lily up and I guess you had me as an emergency contact. When they couldn't reach you they called me and I went and picked her up. When I got here you were passed out in bed, sick with the flu."

"Oh." He grimaced again and sat up fully, although he waivered a bit, still dizzy from being sick. "Wait!" He suddenly realized what she'd said. "I forgot to pick Lily up?"

"That's right. Good thing you had me as a contact."

"Damn!" At her startled look he frowned. "No, I didn't mean that, I meant – I can't believe I forgot her."

"You didn't forget her. You were sick and you were sound asleep. It wasn't your fault."

"Of course it was. I should have -"

"Stop Jane. You can't blame yourself for this one. You were _sick_ and Lily was fine. Even if they hadn't called me they would have looked after her, although I'm glad they did call me." She looked at the little girl who was still sucking madly on her bottle. "It gave me a chance to spend some time with her."

"I'm sorry", he said suddenly. "I don't think I even asked you. They wanted an emergency contact and you were the first person I thought of. I meant to tell you about it and ask if it was okay and I forgot."

"That's fine", she smiled, secretly thrilled that he'd thought of her first. "I'm glad you did although I hope you realize I might just steal her away. She and I are buddies now."

He managed a faint smile, although part of him was still feeling terrible that he'd left his girl at the daycare. And here he'd promised to be a better father this time around. He had to lie back, overcome with weakness and dizziness. He was feeling a bit better, but knew he still had the flu.

"I thought I'd take Lily to daycare, if it's okay with you", Teresa said when she saw him lie back down. "Then I'm going to go home and change into some clean clothes. I'll be back after that to make sure you're okay."

It was only as she talked about clean clothes that he realized what she was wearing. "You're wearing my clothes", he said, without thinking.

"Yeah", she laughed, a little embarrassed. "I hope you don't mind. I didn't have a chance to bring any of my things and didn't want to sleep in my clothes."

He stared at her in his t-shirt, liking what he saw. There was something – nice – about her wearing his – "Wait! How long have you been here?"

"Since Monday evening", she told him. "That's when they called me".

"And what time is it now?"

"It's 8:00 am", she told him calmly.

"Tuesday?"

"No", she smiled slightly. "It's Wednesday. You were out of it all day yesterday."

Damn it! She'd looked after him since Monday night - and he couldn't remember any of it. "I'm so sorry Lisbon", he said, running his hands through his hair. "I didn't mean for you to do this. Wait, what about work?"

"Abbott knows you're sick. He told me to tell you he hopes you feel better soon."

He closed his eyes, feeling terribly uncomfortable. He _hated_ being vulnerable like this. If it hadn't been for Lily he could have holed up by himself with no one the wiser. As it was Lisbon had had to babysit both of them. And she was –

"Hey, you're mad at me." He lifted his head and frowned at her.

"I was", she agreed. "But right now I need to get Lily to daycare and then take a shower. I'm going to stop and pick up some soup and bread so that I can give you something to eat. There's Tylenol beside your bed and a glass of water. I suggest you take some now." She gave him a smile. "Just rest Jane, and get better. I'll be back soon."

He gave Lily a wave and then closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep - except he couldn't. There was something niggling at the back of his mind, something he was sure he needed to remember. He tried to think back to yesterday and there were fleeting images of Teresa bending over his bed and talking to him, but he couldn't bring her words to his consciousness. It bothered him, because he was sure there was something important he had to remember.

* * *

><p>By the time she returned Jane was sound asleep. She gently felt his forehead and this time he didn't wake up. She was pleased to feel cool skin under her hand, evidence that his fever had broken. It would probably come back later that day, as was normal for the flu, but he was definitely on the mend.<p>

She looked down at the messy and sweaty sheets and decided she'd get him out of bed as soon as he woke up. She'd change his sheets while he showered. A naughty part of her wondered what Jane would look like in the shower, but she pushed that thought down. She had a boyfriend and had no business thinking of other men.

She fixed herself a coffee and sat in the living room, thinking about Patrick. She'd known for a long time – well before the end of Red John – that she harbored feelings for the man, feelings that were very different from friendship. But she'd long ago decided that he didn't reciprocate those feelings. He'd buried his heart with his wife and daughter.

But the last couple of weeks, seeing him with Lily, made her re-evaluate that thought. He clearly _could_ love again, although it was a child, not a woman, who had captured his heart. Still, it meant that he was open to feeling something deep for another person. Sadly, she doubted that she would be that person.

No, Jane thought of her as a friend, a colleague – maybe even as a sister. He'd never – well, _almost_ never shown her anything but friendship. Still, she couldn't help but dream, even if she knew it would only lead to heartache.

But he was so damn cute! She laughed at herself for that, wondering what he'd say if he heard her. He'd either answer with some knowing comment, or he'd get flustered and embarrassed. She'd seen it happen to him a few times, and she found it rather endearing. Jane could come across as terribly arrogant at times, and she supposed he did have some of that in him, but she knew him better than most. In many ways he was a terribly shy and insecure man, who covered it with bravado and arrogance.

She wondered a bit at his childhood. She knew he'd been raised in a carnival, with a father who was a conman. She knew nothing beyond that though, other than the few meetings she'd had with his carnival friends and brother-in-law.

She'd seen a glimpse of the person who was the old Jane that time he'd almost drowned and hadn't liked him. When she thought about it though, she questioned whether that really was the old Jane. During that episode he hadn't even remembered his wife and daughter and had shown himself to be little more than a selfish playboy. Bu surely he hadn't been that way when he was married. Teresa knew he had loved his wife dearly and she always assumed he'd been faithful.

She shook her head at all her meanderings. What did it matter, really? She was moving to DC and she wouldn't see Jane again, at least not for a long time.

She almost leapt up from the couch when that thought – finally acknowledged – drove a dagger into her chest. How could she _not _see him? The two years he'd been gone had been painful enough. Did she want that permanently?

But did she want things to stay the same either? Could she go day in day out, just seeing him at work? Could she give up any thought of marriage, a home and family, just to be close to him for a few hours a day? She didn't want that, but she didn't want to leave him either.

She wandered to the kitchen, trying to take her mind of all of these thoughts. They were getting her nowhere and she had to stop. She also had to call Marcus, who had already left numerous messages on her phone.

She was about to pull out her cell and give him a call, when she heard a noise from the bedroom. She quickly hurried down the hall and knocked on the door. "Jane?"

"Yeah?" he called, his voice sounding tired and horse. "Come in."

He was sitting on the side of the bed, his head in his hands. Upon her entrance he sat up and gave her a tiny smile. "Hi. You look good."

"I probably smell better too. I showered and changed."

He grimaced. "I think I need to do the same. I'm all sweaty."

"Your fever broke. Why don't you get showered and change into some clean clothes. While you're doing that I'll make up your bed with some clean sheets."

"You don't need to do that Teresa", he protested.

"Of course I do. That's what friends are for Jane. And the next time I'm sick you can do the same for me."

"Deal", he smiled for real this time. "Does that mean I get to wear your clothes too?"

"Sure. I'm sure you'll look really cute in my teddy."

"You have a _teddy_?" he asked, his expression totally male.

"Yes – now you can get in the shower!"

"Fine." He pushed himself up, wobbling a bit, but then he straightened up and headed towards the bathroom. "You realize that you probably set my recovery back by days!"

"Really?" she chortled. "Why?"

"Thinking of you in a teddy is _very_ hard on a convalescing man!" With that he shut the door, leaving her with a faint blush on her cheeks.

As she stripped the bed she suddenly realized that rarely had Jane ever commented on her looks or shown interest in her in that way. She'd always figured it was because he'd buried any of those kind of feelings with his wife. But the look he'd just given proved that wrong.

And damn – she felt hot.

"You okay in there", she knocked on the door after the shower had gone on for quite some time. She was finished with the bed but was afraid to leave in case he needed her.

"I'm fine", he called. "The hot water feels good."

"Okay, just don't drown in there." She grimaced at her faux pas, remembering back to the painful time he'd had when he'd _really_ drowned.

"I won't", he called. A few seconds later the shower stopped and she could hear him moving around. It was only then she realized he didn't have clean clothes. She was almost tempted to hide behind his door and wait for him to come out of the bathroom, but then sighed. Remember Marcus, she told herself.

"You want me to pass you some clothes?" she called.

"Please."

She handed in another t-shirt and this time actually found some pajama pants. "I'm going to make you some tea and toast. Just get into bed and I'll be right back."

"Best offer I've had in a while", he called out.

She grinned all the way to the kitchen, wondering what offer he was talking about. She suspected it was the tea and toast, but then again, he could have been talking about her waiting for him in bed.

"Marcus", she reminded herself. "You have a boyfriend, Teresa."

"You look better", she announced as she came in with a plate of buttered toast and a cup of tea."

"I feel a bit better", he agreed. "Clean at least. Now that looks wonderful!" he told her, reaching out for the teacup. She put a towel on his lap and set down the plate. "See if you can eat something. It'll make you feel better."

He munched quietly on the toast and took regular sips of tea. Every time he did he closed his eyes, clearly relishing his favorite drink.

"How come you like tea so much", she asked. It was something she'd wondered about, but had never said anything. She'd long ago gotten out of the habit of asking him too many personal questions.

He opened his eyes and looked at her with something like surprise on his face. He didn't seem upset though and instead put the cup down and thought for a moment.

"My mother was a tea drinker", he said. "She'd always fix it when times were hard. She used to say there was nothing like tea for comfort."

"So you were brought up with it", she smiled.

"No", he looked down, "not really. I mean, she drank it, but I was too little. It was only after – I used to drink coffee, back in my psychic days."

She frowned slightly, realizing what he must mean. He'd taken to tea as a way to give him comfort after losing his wife and daughter. It was somehow terribly sad to think of that and made her look at him much differently.

"It's just a habit now", he said gently, understanding what she was thinking. "I grew to like it."

She gave him a shaky smile. "Good", she said softly. "Well, there's lots more so let me know when you want another cup."

"You don't have to stay Teresa", he told her, not looking at her. "I can cope on my own now."

"Mmm, I'm sure you can, but you shouldn't have to", she told him. That made him look up, his eyes open wide. "We're friends, and friends look after one another."

"Are we?" he asked softly.

"What?"

"Are we still friends? I thought – you were pretty mad at me."

He'd mentioned it earlier, and she hadn't wanted to talk about it. It seemed like he wasn't going to let it go however, and she knew they had to deal with it.

"I was", she agreed. "But that's before I thought about it."

"Really? And what did you come up with?"

"Well, I don't know _why_ you said what you did, but I realized that you wouldn't be needlessly cruel. As much as you can be – blunt – at times, you don't intentionally set out to hurt innocent people. And it also dawned on me that I hadn't given you a chance to explain. For that I'm sorry. It wasn't fair of me and wasn't fair to our friendship. I hope you'll forgive me for that."

He was sure he must still be sick, because he was having trouble believing that Lisbon was apologizing to _him_. "Uh – that's okay", he told her, quite flustered by the whole thing.

He knew it was because he was still sick and weak, but his usually rock solid defenses were down. He wanted to reach out and hug her, and tell her how much he - but he couldn't – she was dating Marcus, and it wouldn't be fair.

He hated being fair.

"So", she gave him her Teresa smile. "Are you going to tell me?"

He frowned. Tell her? She actually wanted him to tell her? He looked at her, shocked, but took a deep breath and opened his mouth –

"Because I'm sure Marcus must have said _something_ to set you off and I'd like to know what it was."

His mouth snapped shut. Oh, she wanted him to tell her what Marcus said to him. His heart slammed shut and he had to close his eyes to regroup. He'd just about blown it.

"It doesn't really matter", he mumbled, not sure he could even remember at this point.

"Yes it does", she insisted. "Please, just tell me."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He really wished he was feeling stronger. He was way too weak right now to deal with all of this. Still, he might as well get it over with.

"Uh, I don't think he likes me", he said, hesitatingly.

Teresa knew that was true, but didn't respond but simply continued to look at him.

"He – talked about how hard it must be to look after Lily on my own."

That jived with what Marcus had said, she thought. "And then?"

"He – warned me away from you."

"He _what_?"

"He told me he was going to marry you and he didn't want me to try and mess that up." He gave a crooked smile. "I wouldn't you know. If – if you love him and want to marry him, I would never interfere. I hope you know that."

She swallowed, not quite sure what to say. She was pretty sure that Jane had toned down Marcus' words or else he wouldn't have reacted the way he had. Her feelings were confused right now – she was angry at Marcus for presuming that they were going to get married, before he'd even asked her. She was even angrier at him for presuming to interfere with a very important friendship. Who was he to warn anyone away from her, let alone someone as important as Patrick Jane.

But more than either of those two things, she was upset and hurt that Jane was clearly not going to put up a fight for her. He would let her marry Marcus without saying anything. Although why she should expect him to, when she'd already acknowledged to herself that he wasn't interested in her in _that_ way, was beyond her.

But why then his words to Marcus? She shook her head – thoroughly confused.

"Still mad at me?" he asked softly.

"What?"

"I am really sorry you know. I wouldn't want to ever hurt you."

"But Marcus?" she smiled slightly.

"We – eel", he shrugged. "He doesn't like me anyway."

She rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. She had no idea what to do now, about Marcus, and didn't even know if she wanted to be around Jane right now. She wasn't angry at him, not really, although she wanted to be. It wasn't fair. Why in hell did she have to fall for a man who was always and forever in love with his dead wife?

"You okay?" he frowned. "You're not coming down with my flu, are you?"

"No, I'm fine, just tired. And no, I'm not still angry at you. Marcus shouldn't have said those things to you, and I'm sorry he did. He's -" she shrugged, not quite sure what to say about him now.

Jane looked at her hesitatingly, and then grimaced slightly. "It's none of my business, I know, but – are you going to marry him?"

In that moment she knew. Years later she would wonder what it was that had brought things into such sharp focus, but for now all she knew was that she was certain. "No, I'm not", she told him. "He's a nice guy, but not the one for me."

Jane looked at her with such an expression of relief that it caught her breath. She stared at him in shock. It was only as she continued to look at him, without speaking, that his expression changed and closed off completely. He instantly turned into the man who'd presented a carefree front to the world for so many years, while inside he was suffering horribly, although this time he wasn't hiding pain but – she was almost positive – but joy.

"Jane?" she whispered, needing to understand what she'd seen. Instead of answering however, he lay back down and closed his eyes.

"Wow, all of a sudden I'm tired", he confessed, although his voice sounded rough – and not, she was positive, from the flu. "I'm glad you're not marrying him", he whispered suddenly, without opening his eyes. He didn't say anymore.

She got up slowly, stunned by everything that had just happened. "You sleep", she told him softly. "Shout if you need anything." He nodded, his eyes still closed.

After Teresa had gone he opened his eyes, trying to decide whether he'd just made a fool of himself or whether he'd done the right thing. He'd panicked, which was something he rarely did. He shook his head. This whole thing – being sick, being with Lisbon, was totally destroying his carefully honed image of being imperturbable. He was a mess.

It was only as he closed his eyes again that something came back to him. He remembered something she'd said – was it last night? He forced himself to think about it. Had it been nothing more than fever induced dreams? Was it something he'd wanted to hear, _imagined_ hearing, or had she really said it.

He remembered her saying she wanted him. But was it real? Damn it – he needed to know. He pushed himself up from the bed. He was half delirious from the flu, so now would be the best time to find out.

She sat on the couch, thoroughly confused by all the events of the day. Her phone pinged and she pulled it out of her pocket. Marcus. He'd texted her again and he was beginning to sound frantic.

She sighed and finally decided she had better phone him back. He didn't deserve to be left hanging, even if she was mad at him. She got up and walked out of the apartment, not wanting Jane to hear.

"_Teresa, thank God. Where have you been?"_

"I'm sorry Marcus, I meant to call and it slipped my mind. I'm over at Jane's apartment."

There was a very pregnant silence on the other end of the phone. She could only imagine what he was thinking right now. She was just glad he wasn't here with her.

"_Why are you at Jane's_?" he asked softly, although she could hear the throb of anger in his voice.

"He's sick. Lily's daycare had my number as an emergency contact and they called me when he didn't pick her up. I went and got her and when I go to Jane's place it was to find him passed out on his bed. He has the flu."

"_Why do they have your name as a contact_", he asked, ignoring everything else she'd told him, and starting to sound like an interrogator.

"Because he's my friend", she snapped, "and he doesn't have any family. Why _wouldn't_ he give them my name?"

"_Teresa – you're such a good person but you have to stop letting Jane take advantage of you. He'll keep using you as long as you let him_."

"_Using_ me? He's not using me. He's my friend, and I'm his."

There was a sigh on the other end of the phone. "_Sweetheart, he's a conman – always has been and always will be. You don't need that in your life. Can't you call Abbott or Cho or someone to come and look after him? You shouldn't be expected to give everything up to cater to him._"

She was seething by the time he had finished. So much for Marcus being a nice guy. She took a couple of deep breaths and then did what she should have done long ago. "I'm sorry Marcus, but Jane means too much to me. He's my friend, my very _good_ friend and I'm not betraying him or that friendship. I never wanted to chose, but you've forced me to this." She took another breath.

"So, I'm afraid I'm going to have to break up with you. You're a nice guy, but my allegiance lies with Patrick and I don't think you'll ever be able to accept that. I want you to know how much I enjoyed our time together, and I'm sorry if I've hurt you, but this needs to end now."

Of course he tried to dissuade her. He kept her on the phone for another 45 minutes, trying to convince her to stay with him and to come to DC. It was tough, because she felt terribly guilty, but in the end she knew she'd made the right decision. She finally was able to say goodbye and hung up the phone.

With a heavy sigh she turned and made her way back into the apartment, to find Jane sitting up on the couch, looking sick and very, very worried.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" she asked, sounding slightly teary.

"I was bored", he told her, although from his expression he wasn't thinking about himself at all but was worried for her.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

She sighed and smiled. "It is, although I'm feeling a bit guilty."

"Why?" he frowned.

"I just broke up with Marcus", she told him. "I realized we weren't – compatible."

He thought he'd be ecstatic if he ever heard those words, but instead was concerned for her. "You okay?" he asked.

She smiled at him. "Yes. It was the right decision. I mean, I feel bad because he really liked me."

"Of course he did", Jane said seriously. When she looked at him in surprise he shrugged. "He's a smart man. He knows a great woman when he sees one, and a beautiful one."

Now she stared at him, not just in surprise, but in shock. She didn't know what to say. "I - you – that's nice", was about all she could get out. She wanted to groan at her inability to sound even vaguely intelligent.

"Mmm", he replied, suddenly looking like the old Patrick, with a slightly devilish look on his face. "What, you didn't think I noticed?"

"No." she said plainly, deciding to speak plainly, for once. "I mean – I know you think of me as a good friend, but I know you're not interested in me like that."

His eyebrows shot up. "Like what?"

She closed her eyes. "You know Jane. Like _that_."

"Oh", he nodded, "like _that_. And how do you know that?"

"What? Well – because you've never said – you've never indicated – you've never shown the slightest bit of interest", she finally got out.

"Yes I have", he nodded. "You're just not very good at seeing it."

"_What_?" Her eyes grew huge and he could have sworn she'd stopped breathing. He was about to follow suit, not sure how she was going to react. He wanted to shoot himself – what made him think that this had been a good idea.

"I think it's time to pick Lily up", he finally managed to get out, filling in the growing silence.

"Lily?" she regarded him in total confusion for a few seconds and then recognition dawned. "Oh God", she looked at her watch. "I'll leave now and bring her back."

"Thank you", he leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"For what?" she wanted to know, still confused by the whole afternoon.

"For being great with Lily and for looking after me when I'm sick. Oh, and for _not_ going to DC with Pike or marrying him. Now go!"

He watched as she left and then stumbled his way back to his bedroom. All his emotional stuff was way too – well, _emotional_ – when a person was sick with flu. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	11. Illusions

He woke up when he heard the door close and the sounds of Lily babbling. She sounded unhappy so he roused himself, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes. He forced himself out of bed and lumbered over to his bedroom door. Opening it he almost ran into Teresa, who was standing there holding his little girl.

As soon as Lily saw him she started to cry and put out her arms. "Hey there", he reached out and took her. "What's the matter sweetheart?"

"The daycare workers said she's been a bit upset this afternoon – probably missing you."

He held her closely, loving the feel of the sweet bundle who had come to mean so much to him in a few weeks. "It's okay Lily", he said softly walking with her and gently rocking her.

A short time later her cries stopped and she rested her head on his shoulder, her hands clutching his t-shirt tightly. She appeared calm, but he could still feel her little heart beating quickly. He felt terrible, knowing that she was probably still feeling the loss of her parents, even though she was too young to know or understand what had happened.

"I'm sorry baby", he whispered. "Daddy's here now and you're going to be okay."

He finally took her out to the living room and sat down with her, too weak to continue to stand. He knew his fever had come back slightly and he didn't want to over do it.

"Here", Teresa handed him a bottle. "I'm sure she's hungry."

He looked at her with gratitude and took the bottle. "Come on silly", he said lovingly to the baby. "Here you go."

It took her a minute before she was willing to eat, but eventually she started to suck on it, her hand now holding on to his sleeve.

"She probably missed you these last few days when you were sick", Teresa sat down and watched the two of them, thinking how adorable they looked together.

"I just hope she's not coming down with my flu", he said worriedly. He felt her forehead but she seemed cool. He then bent down and kissed her. "I'm not doing too well in the father department, am I?" he said, some bitterness in his voice.

"Don't be foolish", she told him bluntly. "You're doing a marvelous job. The very fact that she missed you so dreadfully _shows_ how great a dad you are. Every parent gets sick and it's hard, but she was safe and well-cared for – and if she missed you – well you're here with her now and she'll be just fine. Children are remarkably resilient and she knows she's loved. I mean, just look at her!"

He glanced down at the little girl, to see her eyes half closed and sucking gently on the bottle. At this rate she'd soon be sleeping, which wasn't a good thing as it meant she'd probably be up in the middle of the night. She also needed to eat something solid.

He allowed her to finish her bottle but then held her upright and jiggled her a few times to wake her up. She was still a bit cranky, but not as bad as when she'd gotten home.

"I don't want her to fall asleep just yet", he explained. "Otherwise she'll be up in the night."

"Good idea. I can make her up some of her dinner – and I'll put on some soup for you. Just stay here and rest."

"Lisbon, you don't -"

She grinned at him. "I know I don't have to Jane. When are you going to understand that I'm your friend and I want to help out?"

She was almost in the kitchen when he managed to call after her. "Thank you!"

She turned and smiled. "You're welcome. And you're going to owe me _big_ time", she smirked.

He laughed as she disappeared into the kitchen and then resettled Lily on his lap. "Don't you listen to your Auntie Teresa", he told her. "I don't want you getting any ideas."

"I'm already giving her _lots_ of ideas Patrick", Teresa called from the kitchen.

He laughed again, softly.

Lily was willing to go into her highchair for dinner, as long as Jane stayed close by. Teresa fed her, while Jane forced himself to eat some soup and crackers. For dessert he had a couple of Tylenol and a cup of tea.

After dinner he rested on the couch, Teresa beside him holding Lily. They stayed that way, chatting softly, until the little girl started to yawn and her eyes began to droop. Teresa changed her and put her in her tiny pink sleeper and gave her to Jane, who held her until she fell asleep.

"I can put her down", he said when Lisbon offered.

"Okay, but then you need to go to bed. You're looking tired."

"Mmm", he answered noncommittally while he stood and moved with the baby into the spare room where her crib still resided. "There you go", he said softly, laying her down and kissing her on the cheek. "Sleep tight."

He made his way back to the living room, but Lisbon stood in his way, her arms crossed and a fierce scowl on her face. "To bed!"

His eyes narrowed and he glared at her, although there was a twinkle in his eyes. "You're trying to boss me around."

"Of course", she agreed. "It's what I do best."

He sighed. "Yes, it is – and you enjoy it", he muttered as he turned and headed to his bed. He was physically tired, but he really didn't feel like sleeping. Unfortunately, he didn't feel up to reading either and dreaded lying in bed, trying not to think about his life and how screwed up it was.

He sighed and lay down, although a moment later he grabbed the second pillow and propped himself up. "I'm not sleepy", he told the smiling woman in the doorway.

"No?"

"No. Stay and talk to me?"

Her eyebrows lifted, but after a moment she nodded, looking slightly nervous. "I'll grab a chair."

"Just sit on the bed", he frowned. "There's plenty of room."

She somehow knew that this probably wasn't a good idea, not considering how she felt about him. There was the fact that he was sick though, so it wasn't as if she was just hanging out in his bedroom.

"You think too much Lisbon", Jane suddenly informed her. "Relax."

"I am relaxed", she told him, somewhat defensively.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Tell me about yourself", he said suddenly.

She laughed softly. "Jane, you know just about everything there is to know."

His eyes flew open at that and he looked at her seriously. "No I don't. I know some things about you, but you keep a lot well-hidden."

"And you haven't uncovered those things?" she asked skeptically. "I don't think I believe that."

"No – I haven't", he told her, sounding sincere. "Sure, I can tell a lot about you – not just because I can 'read' you, but because we've worked together for a long time. But you're my friend Teresa, and I didn't think it would be right to try and figure everything out about you. You deserve some privacy."

She stared at him in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes, of course", he answered, sounding somewhat put out. "I'm not _that_ nosey."

"Yes you are", she told him, but with a smile. "So then, you don't know about me and the great donut caper?"

"The _donut_ caper?" he asked, sounding both amused and intrigued. "No, I don't know about that. Tell me."

So she proceeded to tell him one of the more embarrassing stories of her youth. To this day she had trouble eating donuts when she remembered how much trouble she'd gotten in. And it was all because of a dare – a dare she hadn't been able to refuse.

"Wow", he breathed, looking at her in awe. "And to think that Teresa Lisbon almost got in trouble with the law. You've destroyed all my illusions."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't _have_ any illusions Jane", she told him. "You understand how they work."

"True", he said with a sigh, looking somewhat sad. "So – are you okay?" he asked suddenly.

"Am I okay?" she looked at him confused.

"Well, you just broke up with your boyfriend. I thought maybe you might be a little – upset or something."

"Oh." She swallowed, a sudden weight of guilt descending onto her shoulders. Poor Marcus! She'd been so caught up in Jane that she'd totally put him out of her mind. She knew that when she was alone again, she probably would be sad at the loss of – of what exactly? Of hopes for a future, her heart told her.

"I feel badly", she confessed. "But also kind of relieved, if you want the truth."

He wasn't sure that he did, not completely, although the word 'relieved' made him feel a bit better. "Why relieved – if I can ask?" He suddenly realized that he _was_ being nosey, after just assuring her she deserved her privacy.

"Well, as nice a guy as he was – at least to me", she said with a small smile, "He wanted too much too soon", she told him. "He had the house and picket fence and everything all planned out before I even knew if he was the right one."

He nodded, and before he had a chance to think about it, he spoke again. "And you're sure he wasn't?"

"No – I mean no he wasn't." She shrugged, looking suddenly uncomfortable. "You should be sleeping. You need all the rest you can get to get over this."

"I'm not tired", he told her, although that was immediately shown to be a lie by the huge yawn that followed.

"Come on, lie down. It's time you slept. I'll leave the Tylenol and some water here by your bed. If you need me for anything just call, okay."

"Okay", he nodded, scooching down under the covers. He had to grin when she tucked him in, just as if he were a small boy. He just wished she would reach down and give him a kiss goodnight.

"Thank you", he said softly. He yawned again. "I'm glad you're here."

"So am I", she murmured softly as she turned off the light and pulled the door almost shut. Jane was already asleep.

She laid awake a long time that night, thinking back to everything that had happened in the last few days. She'd ended one relationship and got her friendship back on track with Jane. She still wondered about his comment about showing her he was interested in her. He hadn't said any more about it and it was driving her crazy. She didn't know if she should ask him – she was pretty sure she would die first – or let it go. The other alternative was to show some interest in _him_ and see where it went.

But that could be dangerous, she acknowledged. If he _wasn't_ interested it would just lead to embarrassment for the both of them and had the potential of destroying their friendship. It would also mean she'd lose out on contact with Lily, who was slowly getting to be hugely important to her.

She sighed and turned over in the bed. What the hell should she do.

Jane slept soundly for a few hours, but woke up with a start. He'd been dreaming again – something he hadn't experienced in a while. This time it was about Teresa – Teresa and Pike. He scowled, not wanting to even think about the FBI agent – the handsome, put together, intelligent agent who'd almost taken Teresa away from him.

He sat up in bed and took a long, cool sip of water. Setting it down he allowed himself to think of her and her comments about Pike. He was so grateful that she'd dumped the man. Not only wasn't he worthy of her (was anyone?) but it meant she was once again going to be around for him.

But what if she met someone else, the evil voice in his head asked. Maybe the next time it _would_ be the right guy. Then he'd really lose her.

He didn't want to lose her. In fact, he wanted to be the one. He'd planned to win her over using Lily, but now acknowledged that that wasn't fair, either to Teresa or to Lily. He wanted them to love one another, but not as a means of hooking Lisbon. No – regardless of what happened between Lisbon and him, he wanted his daughter – he stopped breathing for a moment when he said that – he wanted her to have Teresa in her life as a friend and role-model.

So what was he going to do? He could try and win her – he had no idea if he'd be successful – or he could leave things as they were and chance losing her to some other man.

"No way in hell!" he muttered darkly. He was _not_ going through this again.

He turned over and pounded his pillow until he was sure it was just the right fluffiness and then set his head down. Okay – you're a coward Patrick Jane, he acknowledged to himself. But if you don't do something to prove to Teresa that _you_ are the right man for her, then you deserve to lose her.

With that thought he turned over, punched his pillow one more time, and tried to go back to sleep.

"Jane, I'm going to take Lily to daycare and then head back to my house", she told him the next morning. "You seem a lot better and so I think I'd better get back to work. I'll pick her up at the end of the day and bring her over here so you don't have to go out." Before he had a chance to say anything she held up her hand. "No, don't say it. I will pick her up."

In the end he'd nodded and thanked her. He hated the thought that she was going. Having her here had been – scary and wonderful. It had been a long time since he'd lived with anyone, and having a woman and child in the house brought back all sorts of warm memories.

"Thanks Teresa", he said again, a gentle smile on his face. "Say hi to Abbott for me.."

"I will", she smiled in return. "Call me if you need anything – promise?"

"I promise."

"Good. Then you rest today and I'll be by after 5:00 with the baby."

He spent a miserable day – too sick to do anything, but not sick enough to simply sleep. This was the part he hated most about being sick and the reason he was a terrible patient. He hated being bored especially over the last few years. Boredom meant thinking – and thinking meant going places he didn't want to ever return to.

So, in the end he'd watched a couple of movies and dozed off and on. He'd really tried to avoid thinking anything about Lisbon, knowing he should leave that until he was better. Still, it was hard. He wanted her around but at the same time was terrified. He'd had trouble opening his heart to Lily – could he possibly do it with a woman who would expect so much more from him than he thought he could possibly give.

"What should I do Angie?" he finally asked. It wasn't often that he still spoke to his wife, except in moments of extreme anxiety or confusion. He had to laugh at himself, although it wasn't at all funny. Here he was, asking his wife, the woman he'd adored and loved whether or not to tell another woman he loved her. He felt a pang of guilt and sorrow, but then was pretty sure that Angela would swat him on the head and tell him to not be ridiculous. She had always been the steady, practical one. She'd tell him plainly that she was gone and he needed someone else to love.

It was strange really, since they were two very different personalities, but he was positive that Angie and Teresa would have gotten along with one another. They would have had bullying him in common, he snorted.

Although in one other way they were very similar. Angela had been a no-nonsense type, just like Teresa. He was pretty sure that that was the reason he'd latched on so quickly to her and to the CBI. He'd recognized something in Lisbon that struck a cord in him, that made him feel safe. Angela had been the only other person in his life to do so.

He twisted his ring and for once allowed himself to think of Angela and what their life together had been like. He had loved her so much – but he'd been so arrogant, so sure of himself. She'd begged him many times to stop using lies and dishonesty to make a living. To this day he lived with remorse and sorrow that he hadn't listened to her. She had wanted him to be a better man, but he hadn't been able to, not until after her death.

Which was horribly tragic and caused him endless guilt. That it took her death to turn him around was something he would never forgive himself for, although he could almost hear her berating him for even thinking such a thing. "I'm sorry Angie", he whispered.

Angela had been so good – so gentle and kind – why didn't she change him? He would never know, although he did know it was his fault, not hers.

But now there was Teresa and for some reason he felt like Angie was pushing him towards her. The ironic thing was that Teresa _did _make him a better man. It wasn't just Angela and Charlotte's death that had done it – no, it was Agent Lisbon, Teresa, who often forced him to take a hard look at himself.

He twisted the ring on his finger again and felt a wash of pain and sadness and loss. He missed her so terribly. He felt the tears gather in his eyes – tears he hadn't shed in a long time. "Angie", he whispered, desperate for her presence.

But as he lay there, his eyes closed but wet with tears, the longing began to change. It was almost as if his wife were there, gently comforting him, but also reminding him that there was another presence close by – a presence that he only had to reach out and grasp. "I don't know if I can", he whispered, and whether it was to his wife, or to the universe he didn't know.

He slowly drifted off to sleep, still unsure, but no longer quite so sad. He was sure that Angela was still with him, still loving him, but pushing him to find a new love. Instead of feeling guilty or alone, suddenly he felt as if there was a ray of hope.

He smiled gently, almost asleep. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he'd tell Teresa how he felt.

"Thanks Angie", he whispered in his last conscious moment. "I love you."

"I love you too Patrick. Be happy my love." The presence slowly dissipated, but the love remained.


	12. Love, Loneliness and Loss

_**Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the people who are reviewing and saying such lovely and encouraging things. It makes writing such a pleasure to know people are enjoying the story. Your reviews are also encouraging me to update regularly. So if you want me to keep going with daily updates …. you know what to do!**_

_**And to the people worried about the angst … I love angst and usually include it in my stories, but I also like fluff and romance and happiness, so don't worry!**_

_**On with the story ….**_

Teresa barely had time to speak with Jane the next morning. Getting up and getting Lily ready took longer than she'd thought. The little girl had refused her bottle at first and then had dirtied her diaper just as Teresa was about to leave with her. With a sigh she turned around and changed her. At that point she was already going to be late for work, but was sure Abbott would understand when she explained she was still helping Jane.

He'd woken up just as she was changing Lily for the last time. He'd grinned in sympathy. "Been there", he said. "I've learned to leave her pajamas on until afterward. I spent too many mornings having to change her for the second time."

"I wish you'd told me that!" she huffed.

"Sorry. You should have woken me up. I would have helped you."

She looked up at him at that, noticing that he was looking a lot better this morning, although he was still pale. "It's okay. You need your sleep right now. I'll just explain to Abbott that Lily is like you."

"Like me?" he raised his brows in a question.

"Mmm hmm. Very uncooperative when you're trying to get something done!"

"Unfair!" he cried, reaching out and lifting the clean and freshly dressed baby. "Good morning Lily." He gave her a kiss and cuddled her for a few minutes. She gave him a big smile, looking completely innocent and as if she couldn't understand why Auntie Teresa was so hot and irritable.

"Okay miss", he kissed her again and passed her over to Teresa. "You be good today. I'll miss you."

She burbled at him all the way out the door. He stood and watched as Teresa loaded the baby into her car seat. She then smiled and gave him a wave. The next moment she'd driven off, leaving him alone.

He returned to his empty apartment, stopping when he reached the living room. He looked around and for the first time in years, felt the loneliness that had surrounded him for so long. He hadn't wanted anyone intruding on his space. He laughed bitterly. _Space!_ It was more like intruding on his guilt, anger, despair, quest for vengeance or all the other negative emotions, which had made up his life for many years.

Things had changed for him – gradually, but in some ways almost over night. The years spent on his island had been healing but had only taken him so far. Returning and being with Teresa again – that had also gone a long way towards moving him forward, although not as far as it could have done – not with the situation between them so strained, especially after Pike showed up. And then there was Lily – the tiny girl who had quickly wormed her way into his heart and resided there permanently.

He smiled when he thought of her. She was an angel - a little darling and he was so grateful to have her, even though he still went through moments of terror, and probably always would. No, Lily had been the one to really begin to heal him and she would continue to do so.

And then he was back to Teresa. He wanted her so desperately in his life, but was also terrified. He didn't know how to do a relationship, not any more. He'd lived solo for too long – taking only his own wants and needs into consideration. And he was a private man – a vastly private man. Did he honestly think he would be able to open up to her and share himself? Maybe he was best not to try but simply build an even stronger friendship. She would be okay with that, wouldn't she?

But would he? Damn it! He wandered to the kitchen and turned on the kettle. What _did_ he want? He didn't know. Last night it had seemed so clear but with the morning came all the usual doubts. Sure, he felt love for her – but did he know how to _love _her? Did he know how to show her, to prove it to her, to be what she needed?

He didn't know.

He spent the rest of the day agonizing over what to do. One moment he was sure he _had_ to say something, that they could take it day by day and work out a relationship. He would tell her how he felt and she'd tell him she felt the same and everything would be wonderful.

He snorted. Right! And Santa Claus exists. He sighed and sipped his fourth cup of tea. No, it was better to say nothing, to be friends and nothing more. He could see her – until she met another man – and get her to be Lily's Aunt. He could call her if he needed her and she could do the same – until she met another man. They could do fun things together like take Lily to the park and the zoo – until she met another man.

Damn it all to hell – she _can't _meet another man because it would kill him!

Then he had to tell her how he felt. He had to take a chance, put his heart out there – and allow her to crush it under her heel.

No, she wouldn't do that – would she? No, of course not. She'd tell him she thought of him as a friend, nothing more. She'd feel sorry for him and try and be gentle but slowly back away and then she'd meet another man and his life would be hell!

Okay, you're getting ridiculous Patrick. He stuck his hands through his hair, causing a massive riot of curls. You don't _know_ how she'll react. Maybe she does have feelings for you but she's just hidden them – behind Marcus Pike! He cursed and returned to the bedroom and threw himself down.

He needed to sleep.

By the time Teresa returned later that day, Lily in tow, he'd convinced himself to talk to her. It had taken multiple cups of tea and several hard discussions with himself but he'd finally convinced himself. He couldn't go on like this any more. If she didn't love him then they'd be friends and he'd suck it up. But, if there was any chance of things changing between them, of her giving him a chance, then he had to take it.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, looking at him in concern. He looked so tired and pale that she was worried.

"I'm fine – better", he told her. "Hey Lily." He smiled at his baby and took her when she reached out to him. "How was your day?" He looked up and gave Teresa another sincere smile. "Thank you for picking her up."

She returned his smile, wishing she could reach out and hug him. "The daycare people said she was much happier today and she was great all the way home. She chatted away to me from the back seat."

"Uh oh", he looked at the little girl sternly. "I hope you're not telling Auntie Teresa any secrets."

"Oh, she did", Lisbon told him. "Yup, she told me _all_ about you."

"Really?" he lowered the baby until she was sitting on his hip. "And what did she say?"

"Wouldn't you like to know", she grinned. "Now, are you hungry? I thought I could make you a real meal for a change. You must be tired of soup and toast."

"Mmm", he nodded, his eyes still on her. "Sure, that would be good. Just don't go to a lot of work."

"Don't worry, I'll keep it simple."

Jane followed her into the kitchen, the baby still in his arms. He sat at the table, setting Lily on his lap, and watched Teresa as she rummaged through his refrigerator.

"You don't have much. How about an omelet and some French fries?"

"Sounds good", he nodded. He still wasn't too hungry, but figured he should eat something.

He opened his mouth a few times, wanting to start the conversation, but eventually let it go. It would be better to do it after dinner. In fact, it would be better to talk to her after Lily was asleep. He didn't want any interruptions.

He knew he was procrastinating and that if he wasn't careful he'd chicken out. He'd caught Teresa looking at him strangely a few times. He must really be projecting his fear.

He tried to relax and simply enjoy dinnertime. Eventually he felt himself grow calmer. He could do this.

He insisted on getting Lily ready for bed, needing to spend a little extra time with her. He'd barely seen her over the last few days and he missed her. Teresa helped – mostly by making the baby laugh as he was trying to dress her in her sleeper.

"You're going to keep her up you know", he finally said.

"No I'm not."

"You're getting her all worked up and she won't want to settle."

"I'll tire her out and she'll sleep better", she argued.

"Well, if she _does_ wake up, you get to deal with her", he informed her.

Suddenly Teresa looked uncomfortable. "Uh I thought I'd go home tonight", she told him. "I don't really have a reason to stay since you're doing better."

"Oh." He spent the next few seconds concentrating on Lily. "Of course. I-"

" – I could stay if you think you might still need me", she said at the same time as him.

"I wouldn't want to ask that of you", he told her. "I mean, it's a huge burden on you."

"No it's not", she denied. "But if you _want_ me to leave -"

"No! I mean – no, of course not." He took a deep breath and lifted the baby into his arms. "I like having you here", he told her honestly. "It's – nice – to have someone to talk to."

"You can talk to Lily", she told him, a smile beginning to form on her face.

"Yes, true", he nodded seriously. "Unfortunately she's not much of a conversationalist. She doesn't really talk back."

"She will", Teresa said with a smirk.

"Yeah, I'm afraid of that – but not for a little while yet. So – if you don't mind staying – at least another night, it would be nice."

"Of course." She gave him a blinding smile, which caused him to freeze and to stare at her. At her growing look of embarrassment he blinked and moved out of the room, Lily in his arms.

"I'm just going to get her bottle", he said, his voice sounding suspiciously rough.

Soon the baby was asleep and settled for the night. While he'd been putting her down Teresa had made a pot of tea and had carried it into the living room. "Here, I thought you might like some tea."

God he loved her! "Thank you!" he collapsed onto the couch and accepted the cup. "I'm pooped."

"You're convalescing still. Don't go too hard or you'll have a setback."

"See, it's good you're staying", he told her, taking a sip. "You can make me behave."

She rolled her eyes. "Right – like I've _ever_ been able to manage that!"

"Hey – you did", he told her seriously. "I would have been much worse without you keeping on the straight and narrow."

"Straight and narrow", she chortled. "Right! More like the winding and broad. In fact, most of the time you went your own way completely."

He looked down, knowing she was only kidding, but recognizing this was already a barrier between them. He took a deep breath – he might as well jump in. "I know", he said softly, "and I'm sorry. But things – well, they're different now."

She seemed to realize the conversation had gone from teasing to serious. She sat up a bit and a pensive look came over her face. "Different?"

"Yeah, since I got back – you know", he grimaced slightly. Nothing like being so eloquent! He saw that Teresa was looking both confused and apprehensive and wanted to kick himself. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to continue.

"I _want_ things to be different. Now that I have Lily – and I'm not consumed with – well, you know, I want to – I don't – I don't want to go my own way anymore."

"I don't understand."

"I guess - I don't want to be alone anymore." He scrubbed his hand through his hair. "Well, I mean, Lily is wonderful and I'm glad I have her, but it's not the same as having – someone – another _person_ in your life."

"Jane – what are you saying?"

This was it! He licked his lips. "I'm saying that I've realized – when you started seeing Marcus – that I felt -" right at that moment the telephone sounded shrilly, interrupting his words.

Damn, damn, damn! He decided to ignore it, but glanced down just in case. When he saw the person's name on the display he frowned. Why was she calling him right now?

"You'd better get that", Teresa said gently.

"Right." He sighed, then reached over and picked up the phone. "Hello."

Teresa listened to the one-sided conversation, although she couldn't tell from Patrick's side what was happening. What she did know, as she watched him, was that she was frightened. As the call progressed she saw an expression appear on him that she hadn't seen for a long time. It was the look he'd gotten when things had happened – terrible things – during his hunt for Red John.

He slowly put down the phone and simply stared at it for almost a minute.

She was truly frightened now. She finally couldn't take it anymore. "Patrick, what is it? What's happened?"

"Huh?" He lifted his head slowly, as if it weighed more than he could possibly handle.

"What happened?"

"That was Marie Steward", he told her.

"Who is that?"

"Sorry – Lily's social worker. She – she told me that someone showed up claiming to be Emma Johnson's brother, Lily's uncle."

"And?"

"He wants custody of the baby. Marie said there's a good possibility he'll get it since he's a blood relative." He looked at Lisbon, his eyes desolate. "I can't lose her Teresa, I just can't."


	13. Fighting Back

_**Sorry for the slight delay in posting. I was writing last night and kept falling asleep. When I woke up I'd find that I'd written complete gibberish. **_

_**I want to say a special thank you to all those anonymous reviewers and a special call-out to my French readers. Merci Beaucoup! You're words are lovely and enspiring.**_

_**Oh - and WOO HOO - over 200 reviews. Thank you!**_

_**On with the story ...!**_

But how can they take her away?" Teresa blurted, stunned by what Jane had just told her. "Her parents said they wanted you to have her in their will. Doesn't that make your custody of her binding?"

"I guess not", he said softly. "According to the social worker, the courts can decide on custody if it's in the best interest of the child, even if it goes against what the parents wanted. It would have been different if we'd gone through a lawyer and signed off on everything while they were still living."

"So you're saying that it doesn't matter what her parents wanted? That's ridiculous. And anyway, you _are_ what's in her best interest."

"Whoever the uncle is, he did his homework", Patrick said bitterly. "He's claiming that I'm a murderer and not suitable as a father."

"_What_? That's crazy!"

"Is it?" Jane lifted his head and looked straight at her, his mouth twisted. "I _am_ a murderer Teresa. I killed Timothy Carter. I killed Thomas McCallister. I spent ten years of my life searching for vengeance after failing my family. How can I possibly be a good parent to Lily?"

"By loving her Patrick – which you do. The truth is, you _are_ a good parent, a good father to her. You've only had her a short time, and already I can see the bond that exists between you. You have to fight this. _You're_ the one her parents wanted, not some uncle no one knew about. _Fight_ for her."

He leaned forward, his head in his hands, feeling a sense of despair that he hadn't felt in a long time. Was Lisbon right? Should he even try? Or maybe it was better that Lily be with her uncle. He didn't even know what kind of man he was. "I – I'll find out more tomorrow", he murmured. "I'm meeting with the social worker and she's going to give me more information. She suggested I should find a lawyer if I want to fight this."

"Good. We'll find the best lawyer there is and fight hard. You're _not_ going to lose her Jane."

He finally lifted his head and gave her a small smile. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course, you don't even need to ask", she frowned. "I've stuck with you for all these years – I'm not going to abandon you now, not when it's for something this important."

He reached his hand out and put it gently on her cheek. "Thank you." He closed his mouth, trying to keep his emotions in and not let her see how close he was to breaking. But she knew and so she leaned forward and put her arms around him and held him tightly.

"I'm here, and I'm not leaving! We've overcome bigger odds and we're going to beat this."

He nodded into her shoulder, but continued to hold on to her, too overcome to even speak. Eventually though, he sat up and took a deep breath. "I want to meet him."

"The uncle?"

He nodded. "I want to see if he's legitimate. If not -" he shrugged. "We'll make sure he doesn't get her, even if I have to run away with her to another tropical island."

"If you do that for the second time, then you'd better take me with you", she said fiercely. "You are _not_ leaving me behind again."

He looked at her in surprise, not quite sure how to respond. Sadly, it probably wasn't the time to even figure out what she meant by that. Instead he smiled at her and then leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You're my fierce little princess, you know that?" he said, reminding her of that moment all those years ago.

She rolled her eyes at him but she returned his smile. "Now, I think a cup of tea is in order and then let's plan our next steps."

They called Abbott first thing in the morning and explained everything to him. He gave them both the day off – although Jane was technically still on sick leave and also assured Jane that he'd do everything he could to help, including being a personal reference for him.

Jane was quite overwhelmed by the offer and was silent for a few moments after hanging up the phone.

"What's wrong?" Teresa asked.

When Jane explained what Dennis had said she simply nodded. "He knows you're a good man", she told him.

He looked at her in surprise, if not in shock. For once he may have been guilty of misreading someone. He had been sure that Abbott regarded him as little more than a conman and pain in his rear.

He noticed Teresa's grin – and the fact that she was taking pleasure out of his surprise.

"Fine", he grinned slightly. "At least he's on our side."

She couldn't help but smile at the 'our', grateful that Jane saw the two of them as being in this together. "We should get going. We have to drop Lily off and we don't want to be late to the meeting.

Marie Seward stood up and smiled at Jane and looked enquiringly at Teresa.

"This is my friend and colleague, Teresa Lisbon", he introduced her. Marie smiled again and invited them to sit.

"I'm sorry about this Patrick", she started out by saying. "I was completely taken by surprise."

"And you're sure that – what's his name?"

"Edward Johnson", she supplied.

"That Johnson really is Lily's uncle."

"It looks legitimate. He had all the paperwork and when we looked back into Emma's files, it came out that she did have a younger brother, but they were put into different foster homes as children. We assume they lost touch with one another."

"So how did he find out about Lily?" Jane wanted to know.

"He said he started looking for his sister about a year ago, to reconnect with her. He only recently found out she'd been killed and then about the baby. He says she's his only family and so he wants custody."

"What's he like? Is he married?" Teresa asked.

"I haven't met him, although my colleague indicated he seemed to be a decent man. As far as I know he's not married."

"That's good, right?" Jane asked. "I mean, it puts him in the same position as me."

Marie sighed. "Well, yes and no. If his claim proves to be true then he can claim blood kinship with Lily – something judges and the courts tend to like."

"But her parents named me as her guardian in case something happened to them."

"I know, and they will definitely take that into consideration. Normally I'd say you had a good chance because of that."

"But?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"He's done his research and he's claiming you're not a suitable parent."

"But no one said anything when I got custody of her and they knew my background then."

"Yes, but no one was contesting your guardianship so no one looked into it that closely. Now he's making an issue of it and it's harder to ignore." Marie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry. I know this is hard, but at least you haven't had her too long."

"What difference does that make", Patrick snapped. "I _love_ her. I'm not about to just give her up to some stranger, especially since Danny wanted me to have her. For all we know he's a – a thief and a liar."

"Uh – well, he doesn't have a criminal record."

"Neither do I", Jane pointed out.

"No, but he'll bring forward the fact that you _were_ in prison -"

"Acquitted. He can't use that against me."

"Yes, but you did leave the United States to avoid arrest", the social worker pointed out.

"And now I'm working for the FBI, so clearly they were okay with me taking an extended holiday."

"Look, I understand and I sympathize. I'm just trying to let you know what Johnson is going to say – and what a judge will hear. If he looks legitimate, then you may have a fight on your hands."

"Fine! Then we'll fight", Teresa told her. "Jane is a wonderful father. Lily adores him and he's done everything right. There is no way someone is coming in, against the parent's wishes, and taking her away."

"I hope you're right", Marie smiled sadly. "I'll do what I can to help, but it's going to be tough. Look, one of the first things we should do is have someone from our office do a home visit. And we'd like to talk to your co-workers, your friends and – is Lily in daycare?"

"Yes."

"Well then, we'll talk to the daycare workers as well. If everything looks good – and I'm sure it will – then it's going to be harder for Mr. Johnson to claim you're not a fit parent."

"I'll look into him as well", Teresa announced.

Marie looked at her in surprise. "Uh – okay. Can you do that?"

"I'm a detective with the FBI. Believe me, I know how to investigate someone."

"Can I meet him?" Jane suddenly asked. "I'd like to meet him."

"Well – that could probably be arranged, although you'd want to be careful. He's going to try and use anything and everything he can against you. So, whatever you do, don't get angry, and have a witness with you."

Jane nodded. "Can you arrange it?"

"I'll try. He's from Georgia and only came down recently, to file the paper work contesting your guardianship. I believe he's staying at a hotel in town."

They left the office, no closer to a resolution, but with a determination to fight this thing. Jane was still looking pale, still suffering the remnants of the flu. Teresa kept glancing at him in concern. She _hated _what this was doing to him.

She finally reached out and grasped his hand and gave it a squeeze. "We'll figure this out."

He nodded, although he didn't smile. His eyes were focused on something she couldn't see and knew that he was thinking of Lily. Damn it – she was going to do everything she could to make sure he kept the little girl.

She made Jane return to his apartment and lie down. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Of course he hadn't wanted to, had objected, but she'd reasoned with him that if he got overtired he'd get sick again and then he'd have a harder time fighting for custody.

In the end he'd agreed, although with little grace. While he lay down she went into the living room and picked up the phone. They needed help on this one, and she knew just the people.

"Hello Grace? It's Teresa Lisbon here."

"_Oh my God Teresa – it's so good to hear your voice. How are you doing?"_

"I'm fine. How are Wayne and the kids?" Grace chatted with her for a few minutes, updating her on the status of her family. Once she'd worked her way through Wayne, Ben and Maddie she stopped.

"_So, tell me about Marcus. Are you still seeing him?"_

"No", she answered with a grimace – which she was glad Grace couldn't see. "I broke up with him."

"_No! That's too bad. He seemed like such a nice guy. I was hoping you'd finally met the __**one**__."_

"He _was_ a nice guy", she said, feeling bad for Marcus that he'd been relegated to that. "A very nice guy. I'm afraid I just wasn't ready to settle down."

"_Fiddlesticks_", Grace chided her. _"You've been ready for a while, don't try and fool me. So tell me, what was wrong with __this__ nice guy?"_

Teresa sighed, but knew Grace wouldn't leave her alone until she got something out of her. But what could she say? The reality was, there wasn't really anything wrong with him other than the fact that he wasn't Patrick Jane. "Uh – he wanted too much, too soon", she said. "He was already talking marriage and we hadn't been dating that long."

There was a short pause on the other end of the phone and then Grace spoke, sounding unconvinced. _"Couldn't you just have told him to give you some time?"_

"I suppose but -" she shrugged even though she knew Grace couldn't see her.

"_There's something else Teresa"_, Grace muttered suspiciously. _"Uh – what did Jane say?"_

"About what?"

"_About you dating Marcus?"_

"Nothing", Teresa answered, mostly truthfully. "He just said he wanted me to be happy."

Grace groaned. _"In other words, he was miserable but was being noble and was planning to let you go because he thought that's what you wanted."_

Teresa choked back a shocked laugh. "_Grace_! He wasn't miserable, and what do you mean, let me go? He seemed just fine about the whole thing." Of course she knew that wasn't quite true, not after what he'd said to her after she'd broken up with Marcus. But still, it didn't mean he had been _miserable._

"_Believe me Teresa, he was miserable. Wayne and I always thought the two of you would get together – should get together. You're perfect for one another_."

"How are we perfect for one another?" she asked, totally thrown by the conversation.

"_Well, Jane needs someone who believes in him, who sees the best in him – and brings out the best in him and that's you. He also needs to know that someone will be there for him, no matter what stupid stunt he pulls and again, you're that someone. And finally, Jane is a lot more sensitive than he likes people to know and you're such a warm and compassionate person that he feels safe with you – not just physically, but emotionally._"

"Wow", Teresa whispered.

"_And he looks after you as well. He makes you laugh and relax when you need to. He respects you and he's gentle – you know he'd never hurt you physically. Like I said, you're perfect for one another."_

"I don't know what you've been drinking Grace, but -"

"_Stop it Teresa_", Grace laughed. "_Go ahead and deny it, but I'll bet you anything that what I'm saying is the truth."_

"But – we're friends", she said, still not quite sure what to think of what Grace was saying. "I'm sure that's the only way he sees me."

"_Mmm", _Grace answered, sounding completely unconvinced. "_And what about you? Is that how you see him?"_

Teresa closed her eyes, thrown by the whole conversation, especially since it came on top of the last few very confusing days. "I don't know", she answered, not quite truthfully. "I – he's important to me. But right now – I can't even think about it."

"_What's wrong Teresa?"_ Grace suddenly clued into the fact that Teresa was sounding worried, and it had to do with more than how Jane felt about her.

Teresa spent the next few minutes explaining things to Grace. "And I wondered if you would mind checking out this Edward Johnson. He's from Georgia, and was a brother to Emma Johnson, Danny Ruskin's wife. Unfortunately, that's all I have on him right now, although he has filed papers with the Department of Family and Protective Services."

"_I'll look into it right away_", Grace agreed. "_It may take a day or two, depending on how difficult he is to find."_

"That's okay. We're hoping to be able to meet him soon. Jane wants to get a reading on him."

Grace laughed. "_The poor guy – he has no idea what's in store for him_."

Teresa followed with a laugh of her own, suddenly wishing that Grace and Wayne weren't so far away. She missed them.

"Thanks Grace. You don't know how much this means to us."

"_Hey- we're friends. Tell Jane that Wayne and I say hi and that he shouldn't worry. Our team is back on it and we had the highest success rate in the history of California and we'll win this one!"_

She was smiling as she hung up the phone. Hearing a noise she looked up, to see a bleary eyed Jane standing in the doorway, watching her.

"Hey", she smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay." He took a few steps and looked around, appearing less alert than he usually did. "Uh, who were you talking to."

"Grace Van Pelt", she told him, smiling again.

"Grace?" he frowned. "Why?"

"I've asked her to look into Edward Johnson and find out anything she can on him. Since this isn't an FBI case I feel more comfortable asking the Rigsby's to do it then Wiley."

"Mmm", he nodded in agreement. "Good idea, thanks." He finally sat down, but immediately put his head in his hands. He sat that way for a few more seconds and then straightened up. He took a deep breath, relaxed his shoulders and then turned to Teresa. "So, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

She almost said something but realized that Jane had just put on his armor – his shield against pain and fear and guilt. He was a master at it, after doing it for so many years.

She hated to see it, but knew it was necessary, at least until they resolved this whole thing. She knew she had to go along with it, because what Patrick _didn't_ need right now, was anything that would crack the very thin shell of control he'd put on.

"How about Italian", she told him. "And you're cooking. After all, I have been making all the meals around here for the last few days."

"You fixed me soup from a can, toast and an omelet. I don't think that even _qualifies_ as cooking."

"Yes it does", she told him stubbornly. "It's your turn."

"Fine – then you go and pick Lily up while I cook."

"Deal", she grinned. She went and got her purse and was heading towards the door, when Jane grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. He just thanked her and let her in on what he was feeling all in one hug.

"It'll be okay", she whispered. "Grace said the whole team is on it now – and you know we're unbeatable!"

Marie Seward called the next morning and told them that Mr. Johnson had agreed to meet them for lunch that day. He'd asked to see Lily but she'd told him it was best not to do that until the custody matter was sorted.

"He seemed nice enough", the social worker said. "He's well-spoken, dressed cleanly and conservatively and appeared intelligent."

"So, a real threat", Jane answered.

"You can still fight this", Marie answered. "You come across equally as well so don't let it bother you. But remember – be on your best behavior and whatever you do, don't give him any ammunition."

They met for lunch at the Salty Sow restaurant, which normally would have brought forth a whole series of comments from Jane. Today, however, he just nodded and didn't say anything at all.

Teresa watched him closely the whole drive over, still concerned about how he was going to handle this. He had a short fuse when it came to idiots or those he felt were less than honest, or honorable. She prayed he would, for once, exercise restraint.

"You okay?" she finally asked.

"Fine." He gave a quick nod, his lips pursed. "Don't worry Lisbon. I just want to get a reading on the man, that's all."

"And if he's as good as he seems? What then?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll do whatever's best for Lily."

It was moments like these that Teresa knew that as much as Jane sometimes did questionable things, and as much as he sometimes drove her crazy, he was, in reality, a good and honorable man.

They arrived at the restaurant to find that Edward Johnson was there already. He stood as they approached the table, a serious and slightly wary expression on his face. He looked to be a man of about thirty, with light brown hair and brown eyes. He was dressed in a pair of nice pants and shirt – not ostentatious or over done – just right in fact.

"Hi, Mr. Jane. Nice to meet you". He held out his hand and shook Patrick's hand. "And you must be Ms. Lisbon?"

"Call me Teresa." She held out her hand in turn. "And you must be Edward?"

"Yes, please, be seated." The three of them sat, the atmosphere tense and every one acting warily. "I know this must be difficult", Johnson said finally, deciding to lay it on the line right from the beginning. "And I hope you know this isn't personal, but I have to do what's best for the baby."

"And you think getting custody of her is what's best?" Patrick asked, sounding completely neutral. Teresa glanced at him, but so far he seemed to be holding himself in check.

"Yes, yes I do. Not only am I her relative, by blood, but – and I apologize for this – I looked into you. I don't think you're the right person to have custody of her."

Jane nodded and pressed his lips together. He appeared only to be considering the other man's words. "And why not?" he asked after a few seconds.

Johnson's eyebrows rose and he glanced at Teresa, almost as if asking her for help. "Uh – well, you spent years chasing after a serial killer and then you killed him."

"Mmm hmm. And what does that have to do with why I wouldn't be a good father to Lily?"

"What?" Edward's eyes flipped back and forth between his two lunch companions. "You _killed_ a man, for God's sake. What more do you want me to say."

"He was an evil man. He killed my family and I had a right to kill him. I still don't see what that had to do with Lily."

"It shows you're a killer."

"Lots of people are killers – soldiers for example – it doesn't mean they aren't good people. I think the issue is _why_ someone kills. I spend my life catching murderers, people who kill for the wrong reasons – for greed, or jealousy or hatred – or because they're evil psychopaths – I would say I'm very different from them. Lisbon, wouldn't you say that I'm different from those people?"

"Of course you are", she agreed. "Very different."

Johnson just shrugged. "Well, I guess it will depend on how a judge sees it."

"Yes, it will", Jane agreed. "So, tell me about yourself. What do _you_ do for a living?"

"I own a trucking company", Edward said. "We ship goods all over, although mostly throughout the southern states."

"What do you ship?"

"Anything we get paid for", he quipped. "That's legal", he quickly added.

"I see", Jane nodded. "And you're successful?"

"Yes, very", Johnson smiled. "So you see, I can afford to look after Lily – probably better than you can."

Jane didn't respond to that but just blinked and continued. "You're pretty young to own a company that's so successful, especially since I understand you were a foster kid."

"What does that have to do with anything", he snapped. "I'm just as good as anyone else."

"Of course you are, it's just that it's harder to get a start in life when you come through the system. Not many foster kids even make it to college and I don't suppose you had someone to help you get started. I was just wondering how you did it."

"Through a lot of hard work – and tenacity", Edward grinned, looking very self-satisfied. "And I almost always get what I want", he smirked.

"I see." Jane turned to Lisbon. "I think he wants me to be scared." He looked back at Johnson. "Were you trying to imply something by that? Did you want me to be frightened of you?"

"You're an ass", Edward replied, shaking his head. "I'm going to get custody of Lily, you might as well accept it. I have a stable life, a good job and I've never killed anyone. I'm also her uncle. It really isn't worth it to fight me on this – you're not going to win."

"Oh look – lunch. Mmm", he smiled as the waitress put the meal in front of him. "Smells delicious", he smiled up at her. "Thank you."

The waitress smiled back, clearly charmed by Jane. "Can I get you anything else?" she asked, her voice and expression offering so much more than was on the menu. Patrick simply smiled and thanked her again, but told her he had everything he needed.

Johnson was looking at him out of narrowed eyes. "Quite the lady's man Jane? Maybe I should look into that as well. The judge wouldn't like a man who plays the field."

Jane stared at him for a moment, a fork-full of food frozen in front of his mouth. He finally gave a small jerk of his head and then ate the bite. After chewing and swallowing he spoke. "No, he probably wouldn't", he agreed. "Feel free to check out my private life if that's what you want."

Teresa glanced at him curiously, wondering what Johnson would find. Other than Lorelei, she didn't know whether Patrick had dated any other women since his wife died. For all she knew he could have a robust sex life, although somehow she didn't think so. He still wore his wedding ring and she was pretty certain he didn't feel able to move on, even casually, from his wife.

The three of them ate in silence after that, Johnson looking irritated, Teresa looking worried, and Jane appearing totally relaxed. It was only towards the end of the meal that Johnson again spoke. "You really should just let me have her", he said. "It'll be easier for everyone and I'll take good care of her, I promise."

Jane smiled and wiped his face with his napkin. After that he put it down and stood up. "Thank you for lunch", he told the other man. "It was nice meeting you." Teresa stood up as well and looked enquiringly at Jane. He gave her a quick glance and a smile. "We've got to get going now but I'm sure we'll see each other again."

Jane pulled out his wallet and dropped some money on the table. Johnson looked at him as if he was crazy, but didn't say another word.

With a smile at the waitress he headed outside and to his car, Teresa walking quietly beside him.

"So", she asked when she couldn't contain herself anymore. Jane didn't answer right away, but waited until they were both seated in his car. He looked straight ahead, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"_Jane_?"

"What?" he turned to her as if he'd forgotten she was even there. "Sorry – what?"

"So what did you think of Johnson?" she asked.

"Johnson?" He turned the key in the ignition and started the car. Checking over his shoulder he pulled out into the lane of traffic and drove towards his apartment.

"Yes Johnson", she said after a while. "What did you think of him?"

"That's he's smart, successful – and a complete sociopath. There's no way in hell he's getting Lily", he answered, sounding thoroughly calm about the whole thing.

"A sociopath? Uh – he seemed like a pretty normal guy to me."

"Mmm – he's not. He's up to his eyeballs in something and that's why he wants Lily, not because he has some kind of kind, avuncular feelings towards her. There's something very fishy about Edward Johnson, and we're going to find out what it is."

His face broke out into a grin. "He's not going to know what hit him!"


	14. Way to Go Cho

_**Eensy, weensy, teeny, tiny little chapter tonight – I didn't have a lot of time but wanted to give you something since you've all been so wonderful with your reviews. **_

_**I saw the much anticipated 2**__**nd**__** episode tonight – pretty good although I was a little disappointed. We need more J/L! I'm hoping next week with Erika Flynn will bring out some more Jane Lisbon romance! **_

Lisbon had headed home, deciding to sleep at her own place. He refused to admit to himself that he didn't want her to leave and that already he was missing her.

He couldn't think about that right now, though. He had to worry about Lily and about putting a stop to Edward Johnson. He knew the man was evil, he'd felt it. Now all he had to do was prove it.

He fed Lily, who was as happy as could be that evening. As much as he was worried about everything, there was no way he could remain down for long, not when he had such a sunny little sprite taking up his time.

He fed her – which she enjoyed greatly. She thought it a fun game to blow bubbles every time he gave her a spoonful of food. By the end of her dinner, they were both covered in carrots – tonight's menu item.

He cleaned her up with a warm cloth and then picked her up out of her highchair. They'd spend some time together in the living room before he changed her and put her down for the night.

"You really did a number on my suit little miss", he told her as he carried her to the other room. There was a big splotch of orange on the lapel. He just hoped it would come out.

"Okay, so what are we going to -" the doorbell interrupted his monologue. "Now who could that be Lily?" he asked, heading to the door and hoping that it was Teresa coming back to see them.

"Cho!" he was surprised to see the agent standing at his doorstep. He didn't think he could ever remember Cho coming to see him before. "Uh – is everything okay?"

"Yes. Can I come in?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." He stepped back so that the other man could enter.

"Nice place. You have orange on your jacket."

"Thanks – about the place, I mean. As for the suit, Lily blew carrot bubbles. Uh – can I get you a drink or something?"

"Sure. A beer would be nice."

"Okay." Jane turned to head into the kitchen, but realized it would be tricky to get a bottle and open it with Lily in his arms. "Uh – could you -?" He handed the baby to Cho, who looked surprised and then took her gingerly, clearly unused to holding babies.

Fortunately Lily seemed to like him and started smiling and babbling away. Within seconds Jane could see the beginnings of a smile break out on the inscrutable agent's face. With that he headed to the kitchen and grabbed two beers.

"So, what brings you to my humble abode?"he asked, taking Lily back and setting her up on the floor with a few toys. She lay on her back, legs kicking happily in the air, grabbing for the toys suspended over her head from the baby play mat.

"Rigsby called", Cho answered, taking a swig of beer.

"Oh?" Jane's eyebrows lifted. "I assume he told you what's happening?"

"No. He wouldn't betray a confidence. He just said they were helping you and I might want to call you and see if I could help. I don't know with what."

"Really?" Jane smiled. "That's nice of you."

Cho gave a one-shoulder shrug. "We've been teammates for a long time."

"Just teammates?" Jane asked, a lop-sided grin the only indication that the answer may have mattered to him.

Cho regarded him for a few seconds. "No, not just teammates."

This time Jane's smile came out in full force. "Thank you Cho. You're special to me too."

Cho rolled his eyes. "Don't get carried away Jane. Now, is there something you want to tell me?"

Jane grew serious and looked down at a happily playing Lily. He again felt that sense of panic he'd experienced when the social worker had first called him. He _couldn't _lose her.

"Lily's uncle showed up and he wants custody."

Cho frowned, although he didn't speak, at least not right away. After a moment he nodded. "And we're going to stop him." It wasn't a question.

It had been a long time since Jane had believed in the goodness of humanity or that there was any possibility of fortune smiling on him again. But suddenly – with the loyalty and support of Lisbon, Grace and Wayne and now Cho – he felt overwhelmed with gratitude and the inklings of hope that maybe, just maybe life was going to improve.

"Yes, we're going to stop him", he agreed, once he could get his voice to work. "It's not going to be easy because he's one hell of a conman – but we have to do it."

"Of course. What do you want me to do?"

"Uh – this isn't an official investigation", he reminded the FBI agent. "We're doing this on our free time."

"I know. I told Abbott I may need to take some days off. He was fine with that – said to say hi and let him know what he can do to help."

Jane laughed and shook his head, marveling at the fact that his closest friends were now law enforcement and ex-law enforcement officers. His father would be turning over in his grave. "Thank you", he said sincerely. "Let me tell you what we have now, and then we can figure out next steps."

It was good to be able to talk to Cho about everything. Unlike Teresa, who wore her heart on her sleeve, Cho was able to look at things without emotions getting in the way to cloud he logic. Usually Jane was pretty good at that as well, but in this case he _couldn't_ divorce himself from his emotions. They were too raw and too painful.

"So, you think this guy got to where he is through something illegal?"

"Maybe, I don't know. But it does seem suspicious that a foster kid with no family could own a trucking company and be as successful as he is in just a few years. It's not impossible to do it legitimately, but somehow I don't think dear Edward does anything legitimately."

"But why would he want a baby? If he's interested in money and or power – what is a small child going to do for him?"

"I don't know, but it does feel odd. Wayne and Grace are looking into his background to see if there's anything suspicious."

"I can look into the trucking company, see if there are any connections with anyone with a criminal past."

"That would be great."

"She's cute", Cho said, nodding towards the baby. "You're a good father."

He had to swallow, not quite sure if he could speak for the moment. Cho was a man of few words, but he said what he believed. He would call something out that he didn't like, but when he complimented you, you knew it meant something.

"Thanks. I – didn't know if I could -" his voice faded, as he grew uncomfortable with admitting how he felt.

"I understand", Cho nodded. "But you'll do fine." He placed the empty beer bottle on the coffee table and stood. "I should go but I'll be in touch when I find out anything. Just – don't do anything stupid. It'll be okay."

Jane accompanied Cho to the door. Before he opened it Patrick reached out and gave the other man a hug. "Thank you!"

Cho patted his back and then pulled away, not comfortable with too much emotion. "I'll call."

"Okay."

After the agent had left Jane returned slowly to where Lily was still lying on the floor. He watched her as she grabbed her foot and tried to stick it in her mouth. He laughed softly and bent over and picked her up. "So, Uncle Cho thinks you're cute! That's because he didn't catch you with your foot in your mouth! Come on baby", he kissed her cheek. "Time for bed."

He pulled Lily's crib into his room, needing to know she was close by. She seemed to sleep better when she was in the same room as another person and it dawned on him that humans were the only ones who tried to separate their young from their mothers at an early age.

Well Lily no longer had a mother, but she had him, and there was no way in hell anyone was going to separate them!

After she'd fallen asleep he got ready for bed and then lay there for a long time, thinking about Lily and about Edward Johnson and about his team. He smiled when he thought of Cho – the enigmatic and yet oh so loyal man. How could he possibly lose the fight to keep Lily with him on his side?

Even though he felt somewhat better than he had earlier, he was restless. He hated the fact that he was all alone – at least alone without an adult to talk to. For once he wanted to be able to speak with someone, to share his ideas and his thoughts and his worries. Damn! He was definitely growing soft.

"It's your fault Lily", he whispered towards the sleeping girl.

Without giving it another thought he reached over and picked up his phone and hit speed dial.

"Lisbon? Hi – were you sleeping?"


	15. Night Bunnies

_**Mostly light and fluffy with a dollop of plot. Hope you enjoy!**_

"_Jane?"_

"Yeah, sorry – were you sleeping?"

"_Uh – no – I mean, that's okay", _she said, sounding sleepy, her voice raspy.

He heard rustling and then she spoke again.

"_What is it? Is everything okay? Is it Lily?"_

"Everything's fine", he told her, pushing himself up so that he was leaning against the headboard. "Lily's sleeping."

"_Oh – good."_

"Cho came by. He offered to help."

"_Did he? Good for him. So all the team is on it. That's good, right?"_

He paused for a moment, again overcome by emotion. "Yes, that's good."

"_So, why did you call?"_

He let out a deep breath. "No reason. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you."

"_Don't be silly! You're not bothering me."_ Lisbon rearranged herself so that she was more comfortable, somehow sensing that Jane just needed to talk. "_How did Lily deal with Cho?"_

"She liked him. I think he's so calm that she felt comfortable around him. She tried to grab his nose."

Teresa laughed. _"And what did Cho say?"_

"He said she was cute. I think underneath that tough, enigmatic exterior the man's putty. I think I might ask him to babysit sometime."

She laughed again, knowing that what Jane said was most likely true. She wondered who would come out on top if Cho and Lily spent time together. Somehow she figured the baby would easily vanquish the ex-soldier. "_So, she was okay tonight?" _God she missed the little girl after only looking after her for a few days.

"Just fine although I now have to take my jacket to the dry cleaners."

"_She blew bubbles?"_ she laughed.

"Yes – carrot ones. I think I may have to get a bib for me as well as her."

"_That would look cute. I think we should get you a stuffed bunny too. When you're stressed you can chew on its ear, just like Lily does."_

"Meh. When I get stressed I'll call you. You can be my bunny."

There was a distinctly pregnant pause after that and Jane grimaced. "Uh – I didn't mean that quite the way it sounded", he told her.

She giggled. "_No? You're not imagining me in a little bunny outfit?"_

"Well _now_ I am", he groaned. "And if you think _that's_ a stress reliever, then let me tell you, you don't know men!"

Lisbon choked and then laughed again. She knew she would have been mortified if she were having this conversation face to face, but somehow, being on the phone, allowed for the bit of flirting that was happening. She had to admit that she was enjoying it.

"Lisbon?" he asked, after the silence continued. "You do know that I don't really – I mean – you're my _friend_. That's not to say that I don't – I mean, you're attractive and I'm sure you'd look fantastic in a bunny outfit – but that's not why I called you."

"_You didn't call me because you were imagining me in a bunny outfit_? she asked, sounding intentionally sad.

"No, I called you to talk, but you're obviously in a very silly mood", he told her, the smile on his face evident in his voice.

"_But I bet you're feeling less stressed now, aren't you_?" she asked, sounding triumphant.

"Yes I am. Thank you." And this time he sounded totally sincere. "I'm sorry for calling so late but – it was good to talk to you. I couldn't stop thinking about Johnson and Lily."

"Mmm. I understand. You know you can call me anytime right? If you want me to come over, just let me know. And in the meantime, you're welcome to imagine me in a bunny suit or cow suit or anything you want, if it takes your mind off all of this."

Jane sighed. "Thank you, although I hope you realize that you've probably destroyed any and all ability I have to sleep. Wait a second _cow_ suit?"

Teresa giggled again, loving the light note in Patrick's voice. "W_ell, you can pick a different one if you like."_

"Teresa, if I allowed myself to imagine you in anything it would be -"

"_What?"_

"Nothing."

"_No, tell me._"

"I did. I'd imagine you in nothing."

This time the silence was very, very thick. Jane grinned, although part of him worried that he'd gone too far. He could imagine Teresa on the other end of the phone, a deep blush on her face. At least that's what he hoped. She could be mad. Suddenly he grew worried. "Teresa?"

"_What_?" she said shortly.

"Uh – you're not mad at me, are you?"

"_Mad? No, of course not."_

"Okay – you were just – quiet."

"_I was thinking."_

"What about?" he asked, although he wondered if that was wise.

"_About you."_

"Me?"

"_Mmm hmm._ _If you can imagine me in nothing, then I figure I have the right to do the same."_

This time the silence came from his end. To say he was surprised was an understatement. He cleared his throat, not knowing quite what to say. "Okay", he finally got out. "Now I _really_ can't sleep!"

"_Count sheep_", she said unsympathetically.

He sighed. "All right, although they're all going to have little Lisbon faces on them."

"_Enough Jane", _she laughed_. "It's late and you need your sleep."_

"Okay. It's been – nice."

"_Yes it has_", she said, her voice sounding like the old Lisbon. "_And remember – call anytime."_

"Goodnight Teresa."

"_Goodnight Patrick. Sleep tight_."

After he ended the call he lay down and pulled the covers up, a smile on his face. He tried to picture Teresa as a Playboy bunny, but somehow the picture kept shifting to Teresa in a cow suit. He figured that was less dangerous than really focusing on what she'd look like in a bunny suit. He closed his eyes and soon started to drift off, the knowledge that she was just on the other end of the phone line allowing him to relax.

The next morning Teresa called and told him to meet her and Cho for breakfast so he dropped Lily off and then made his way to the café to meet them.

"Hey", he said as he walked in. "What's up?"

Cho put down his coffee cup. "Order first, then I'll tell you what I found out."

His eyebrows went up but he nodded. As soon as the waitress appeared he ordered. "Two eggs, lightly scrambled, toast and bacon. Oh, and a cup of tea and make sure you bring the water to a full boil. And please bring milk for the tea." The waitress rolled her eyes, but fortunately Patrick was too distracted to notice.

"So, what did you find out?" He asked Cho.

"I went back to the office and checked on his trucking company – Johnson Trucking."

"Original!"

"Yeah. Anyway, it's been in business for five years. He was working as a trucker for Allied Trucking prior to that. Looked like he would have pulled in an average trucker's salary – nothing special."

"So how did he afford his own company?" Teresa asked with a frown.

"This is where it gets interesting. He was doing a regular run between Atlanta and Laredo, Texas. He did that for about a year, when suddenly he quit and purchased his own rig. Within six months he'd bought two more and within a couple of years had a whole fleet of trucks and drivers."

"Somebody fronted him the money?"

"I tracked his bank records and during the last year that he was driving for the truck company he received regular payments, all just under $10,000."

"Payouts", Teresa commented. "And they were under $10,000 so as not to flag the IRS. Do we have any idea what he was doing? Drugs, illegal immigrants?"

"No. Could be either or both – or even something else."

"Where did the money come from?" Jane asked.

"It was from a overseas registered company – a shell corporation. I've put a trace on it to see if I can get some names but so far, nothing."

"So, Edward Johnson was involved in something illegal. That's not a surprise, although we'll have to prove it. But it still doesn't explain why he wants Lily." Jane stopped while the waitress set down his food.

"Maybe family is important to him," Teresa said. "It could be that he's rich and successful and now wants someone to share it with."

"Mmm", Jane took a bite of egg and grimaced. "Possible, but not probable. He didn't strike me as a family man. No, there's something else going on."

"I'll follow up on the trucking company and see if there's any word on him in Georgia or Texas", Cho informed them.

"Great. I'll call Grace in a couple of hours and see if they've found anything on Johnson. There's something else going on, I know it."

After breakfast Cho headed off to look more into Johnson's trucking business and Jane and Lisbon headed back to his office to call the Rigsby's.

"Sorry about waking you up last night", he said quietly, as they drove to his apartment.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm glad you called me." She glanced over at him. "Did you sleep?"

"Yup – counted lots of little Lisbon sheep and I was soon out like a light."

She grinned as he pulled into his parking spot at his apartment. "Good – that you slept I mean. I don't know if I like having my face on a bunch of sheep."

"But they were really _cute_ sheep."

"Hi Grace", Jane spoke into the phone a few minutes later. "Patrick Jane here."

"_Hi Jane – nice to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear about Lily, but I'm sure we'll find something on this guy."_

"Thank you. I appreciate you and Rigsby offering to help. It means a lot."

"_Hey, what are friends for_?"

"So, have you found anything yet?"

"_We're still looking, but I've found out a bit about his recent purchase and travel history, if that helps."_

"That would be good. Can you start from a couple of months before Danny and Emma were killed."

"_Okay", Grace was silent for a moment. "So, starting about three months ago – Edward Johnson travelled to Mexico City three times that month, each time staying for only a couple of days. He also travelled to Houston once, and oh – look here. He travelled twice to the Cayman's_."

"Off-shore account", Jane stated calmly. "Anything else?"

"_Yes, he travelled to Las Vegas three times, the last time just a couple of days before the Ruskins were killed_."

Jane sat up straight, his face going blank. "Las Vegas? You're sure?"

"_Mmm hmm. Why, is that important?"_

"Maybe. Uh – what about their purchases? Did it say where he was staying in Las Vegas?"

"_All three times he stayed at the Monte Carlo. As for purchases – hmm – nothing stands out. I can read you the list but it's mostly meals, a few cabs and oh, a ticket for a show at the Tropicana."_

"The Tropicana? You're sure?"

"_Mmm hmm, that's what it says. Does that mean something_?"

"Possibly. Grace, could you check those Taxi receipts and see if you can find out where he went? And anything else you can tell me I'd appreciate."

"_Sure will._ _And don't worry Jane – we're going to stop this guy!"_

After he'd hung up the phone he continued to sit in the chair, his eyes unfocused and his teeth worrying his lip.

"For goodness sake Jane", Teresa finally broke. "What did Grace say?"

"Huh? He glanced up as if he'd forgotten that Teresa was even with him. "Oh – sorry. She just told me where Johnson travelled over the last few months."

"And was there anything suspicious?"

"Possibly." He suddenly grinned. "How do you feel about taking a trip to Vegas?"

"Las _Vegas_? But – what about Lily?"

"We'll take her with us." He grinned. "It'll be fun."

They arrived in Las Vegas looking like a family going for a weekend away. Lily was smiling, wearing a sundress and big floppy sunhat. Teresa thought she was adorable, and so did other people as she got lots of smiles and comments.

"You could get away with murder with her", Teresa whispered to him.

He grinned although after a moment it faded and he looked sad for a second. She could see him take a deep breath and pull himself up, literally and figuratively. She was pretty sure that he'd just had a memory of Charlotte.

"You okay?" she asked gently.

He turned to her with a crooked smile. "Fine. Just -" he shrugged.

Teresa reached out and squeezed his arm briefly, showing she understood. But a moment later she grinned and linked her arm through his. "Come on – let's go. I'm starving."

Patrick allowed himself to smile and dutifully followed Lisbon, Lily in one arm and his other linked with Teresa's. "We'd better keep Auntie Teresa away from the buffets", he whispered loudly to the baby. "She'll eat everything in sight."

"Ha Ha", Teresa said sarcastically. "You're one to talk!"

They joked and laughed all the way to the hotel, Lily laughing and burbling right along with them.

"You'd think she understood what we were saying", Teresa pointed out at one point.

"She probably does", Jane replied. "And she'll remind us at some very inconvenient time in the future."

"Somehow I don't think we have to worry about that quite yet", she laughed. "Isn't that right Lily?"

They arrived at their hotel, the MGM Grand, and checked in. Jane had booked a two-room suite, which included a crib for Lily.

"Jane, how in the world did you afford this?"

He gave a slightly discomfited shrug. "Uh, the manager used to be a client", he said softly.

"You mean when you were a psychic?"

"_Fake_ psychic", he corrected.

"You must have done some good readings if he's giving you a deal on this."

"Mmm – he wanted to make some investments and came to me. I told him what he wanted to hear, he made the investments, made a fortune and thinks it was because of me."

"Okay. Uh, we're not going to run into any people who _aren't_ so happy with you, are we? I mean, you did get in trouble here a while ago."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't think so. I mean the one guy who was mad at me already had me beaten up so hopefully he's not still angry."

"He beat you up? I didn't know that."

He wasn't about to tell her that that's when Lorelei and he – he didn't even want to think about _that_ whole episode. "It wasn't serious – just a few bruises."

She sighed and shook her head. "Promise me you're not going to go off and get into trouble again?"

He moved closer to her, his eyes focused on her, and answered seriously. "Teresa, I'm here because of Lily and I won't do anything to put her in danger or to mess up my chances of keeping her. And I won't put you in danger either. Don't worry. I'll be on my best behavior."

She stared at him intently for a few more seconds and then nodded. "Okay, good. So, what are we going to do about Lily while we're investigating?"

"Oh, I have that solved. I called the woman who looked after her before I was able to pick her up. She's registered with Children's Services and will take in children on an emergency basis. Lily liked her and I trust her."

"Good. So tomorrow morning we start looking?"

"Yes, tomorrow morning. Today we're just going to have fun."

After Lily had a short nap they bundled her into her stroller and headed out for a walk down the strip. Lily loved all the people and the bright colors and flashing lights. Patrick came prepared with a bottle of water for her and they had a wonderful afternoon of sightseeing.

"You going to try your luck?" Patrick asked her as they wandered through one of the casinos.

"I don't think so. It's pretty much a waste of money. How about you?"

He suddenly got an impish look in his eyes. "I may try my hand at something."

"_Patrick" _she warned.

"Just a few hands, I promise. Watch Lily for me?"

"Okay – but remember, just for a few minutes. For one thing you don't want anyone to think you're a gambler. They'll use it against you at the custody hearing."

He nodded, knowing that was true. Still, he wanted to buy a couple of things for his two girls and needed a bit of cash. He made his way slowly to the blackjack table.

An hour later he had some nice winnings – not enough to flag the people at the casino, but enough to buy a couple of modest presents.

"Hey!" he found Teresa and Lily sitting on the patio out back. Lily had her bunny and was watching everyone from her stroller. Teresa had an exotic looking drink in her hand and was lying back on a lounge chair, also watching the people go by.

"Having fun?" he asked.

"Mmm hmm. Just enjoying the sun and the sights."

"And the Mai Tai!" he nodded at the drink.

Teresa grinned and took a sip. "What happens in Las Vegas _stays_ in Las Vegas. And anyway, I'm not working – at least not officially."

That evening Lily fell asleep early, tired from all the sights and sounds of the day. After she was down Patrick returned to the sitting room and sat down. "Whew. I'd forgotten how tiring Vegas can be."

"Did you win much?"

"Aaa – not a lot. Not enough to worry anyone at the hotel."

"Do you win every time?" she asked curiously. "I don't think I've ever seen you lose."

"Depends on what game", he told her. "Some are purely luck, and unless I cheat then it's unlikely I'll win that frequently. Other games require skill and the ability to remember the cards. Those I win."

"So you could always make a living playing cards?"

"Until they blackballed me from all the casinos. They don't like people counting cards."

"No, I can see why. Did you ever perform here?"

"In Vegas?" he asked. "Yes, a couple of times. Only in those days I was doing more magic shows with some mentalist tricks. I didn't do any of the psychic stuff, not here. In fact, I didn't start doing that regularly until after Angela and I were married. By the time Charlotte came I didn't want to be on the road anymore, so that's when I started up my psychic business full time."

She was surprised at how much Patrick was sharing. She didn't remember him ever being quite so chatty about his former life. She was also impressed he was able to speak of his wife and daughter so matter-of-factly. The problem was she really didn't know how to answer him.

"It's okay", he smiled, reading her perfectly. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable talking about them."

"You didn't", she assured him. "In fact I was thinking it was nice that you were able to share something like that – and mention them. You don't very often."

"No", he said softly, looking down. "At first it was – hard. I couldn't really, not without -" – he stopped. "And now – well, it does make people uncomfortable when I talk about them. They'd rather not be reminded of what happened."

"I don't think it's that so much", she said, considering the matter carefully. "I think it's more that people don't know what to say in light of such a terrible tragedy. They feel badly but any words would be almost meaningless. It's hard for people."

"Mmm", he nodded. "It's nice to be able to talk about them", he said carefully. "Sometimes I feel like if I don't keep their memories alive, then they'll never have existed, their lives will have been meaningless."

"Oh Patrick", she cried softly, wanting to reach out to him, but seeing, from his posture, that he had pulled back, emotionally and physically, not willing to accept any comfort. "Their lives were never meaningless and of _course_ you should keep their memories alive and talk about them."

He sat perfectly still for what seemed like a long time, but was probably only a few seconds. At the end of that he took a deep breath and smiled. "Thank you."

"No thanks necessary", she smiled back. "Now, how about we open that bottle of champagne that's sitting there. Boy, this former client of yours must be _really_ grateful. That's an expensive bottle."

"Nothing but the best for Patrick Jane, fake psychic!" he told her, reaching for the champagne.

They both got a bit tipsy on the bubbly wine and soon were laughing at pure nonsense. They then watched an old movie, sitting close on the couch but not quite touching.

Teresa thought about the last times she'd curled up with Marcus to watch an old movie, and suddenly wished she could snuggle up with Jane in the same way. The problem with that was she'e be tempted to _not_ watch the movie.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his brows raised.

"Nothing", she answered, her eyes focused deliberately forward. She had to stop letting her imagination get away from her.

"Mmm hmm", he said skeptically, although he didn't push her.

She slept well that night – once she actually _fell_ asleep. It took her awhile as she couldn't help but think of what a great day it had been.

Jane was in the same boat. He was feeling much more relaxed this evening, but also frustrated. He'd had a great day with Lily and Teresa and wished it could continue.

He sighed and twisted his ring. "You're in trouble Paddy", he told himself. "Big trouble."

The next morning they dropped Lily off at Anne's – the woman who had first looked after her. Once they knew the baby was settled they headed off in their rental car to track down some information about Danny and Emma Ruskin.

He glanced over at Teresa, who was sitting quietly, her eyes focused on the houses they were passing. He was grateful she was with him. At that moment she turned towards him and gave him a smile.

"Hey partner", she said quietly.

He looked back at her and returned her smile. "Hey."

He didn't know what they were going to find on their quest in Vegas, but with Lisbon by his side, he knew they _were_ going to find something and they were going to make sure Lily stayed with him.


	16. Vegas Clues

"So where are we going?" Teresa asked as they drove through the hot Vegas morning.

"To Danny and Emma's apartment complex. I cleared everything out but didn't talk to anyone there. Now I think we need to find out if there was something going on."

She nodded, allowing herself to let Jane lead this one. She laughed softly to herself. As if she could stop him! And the fact was, she should really trust that he knew what he was doing by now. At least she trusted that he was right that something was fishy. As to whether he did the right thing – well – that was hard to feel quite so comfortable about. Oh, he usually got results, it was just that the mayhem he left in his wake was sometimes – frustrating.

"Don't worry Lisbon", he told her. "Everything is fine."

"Mmm hmm. Where have I heard that before? You always think everything is fine and usually I end up either rescuing your butt, or getting you out of hot water with the law or the boss."

"Yes", he grinned, "but don't say you don't enjoy it!"

"I don't enjoy it."

"Liar."

She had to laugh at that, although part of her also wanted to hit him. Before she had a chance to reconcile her feelings they drove up to a small apartment complex. She got out of the car and grimaced slightly. It was obvious that the Ruskin's hadn't had a lot of money if they were living here. She hated to think of Lily being brought up in a place like this. She was pretty sure it must be full of seedy characters.

They quickly found the landlord, Billy Zarrow, to whom Teresa took an instant dislike. He was clearly dirty, lazy and probably corrupt. She could tell that Jane felt much the same, although he suddenly started oozing charm.

"Hello my good man!" he approached the manager who looked completely and utterly bored. "Do you remember me?"

"Sure. You're the guy who cleaned out the dead folks place. There weren't nothin' left."

"I know and that's not why we're here. Uh – this lady is the older sister of Emma Ruskin, the woman who was killed."

"Don't look nothin' like 'er", Zarrow stated.

"They were half sisters – different father."

"Kay. What's that to me."

"Well, she's here to try and find out something about her sister's last days and we thought you might be able to give us some information."

The man stared at them and shrugged. "Don't know nothin'."

Jane sighed. "That's too bad. It would make her feel so much better to know something about her sister. In fact, it would be worth something to both of us." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small roll of dollar bills. "Of course, if you don't know anything, I guess we should just leave. Maybe some of their neighbors might have some information?"

"I can tell ya some stuff", the landlord suddenly acknowledged. "Whadya wanna know?"

"Did they have any visitors? Her sister Teresa would feel bad if they didn't have friends."

Zarrow thought for a moment, the exercise obviously stretching his meager brain. "Yeah – a week or so before they kicked the bucket – sorry", he acknowledged Lisbon for the first time. "A coupla guys came by."

"What were they like? How were they dressed?"

He shrugged. "Didn't wear suits. Big guys- tough. I wouldn't wanna meet them in a dark ally if you know what I mean."

Jane pursed his lips and nodded. "Enforcers?"

"Yeah. I bet Danny got in trouble gamblin'. He was a smooth operator that one, although his pretty little wife tried to keep him under control. I figured he couldn't take the honest life anymore and was into somethin' bad."

"Did you see him after the guys visited?"

"Yeah. He was okay – they didn't beat him or nothin' although he looked a bit freaked out."

"Was Emma home?"

"Nah. She was out with the baby. She'd uh given him shit for gettin' in trouble. She was little, but she was fierce."

Jane nodded again. "Just like her sister." He was pretty sure he was going to get a swat for that one later. He could almost feel Lisbon quiver with indignation.

Zarrow laughed and eyed the woman. "Ya, she looks it. If she's your lady you're in for it now."

Jane sighed. "Probably. Oh well, it's worth it." That was probably going to earn him _two_ swats. "So, is there anything else you can tell me?"

"Nah, not really. Other than those two guys I didn't see nothin'. They mostly kept to themselves, although Emma was friendly with the next door neighbor."

"Who is that Mr. Zarrow?" Teresa asked, decided not to play the mute, grieving sister any longer.

"Name of Susan Williams. She's in 7B. She's an exotic dancer at one of the clubs off the strip." Zarrow leared. "Good lookin' broad with legs that go on forever."

"Thank you Sir", Jane smiled at him and stuffed the roll of dollars in the guy's shirt pocket. "We'll just stop and talk to Ms. Williams and then we'll be out of your hair."

"If I think of somethin' else?" he asked, very obviously hoping for more money.

"Well then, please get in touch." Jane got a pen from Teresa and wrote down his cell number. "There you go. Thank you so much for all your help."

"Yeah – pleasure", the guy said. He watched as the two of them headed up to Susan William's place and then with a shrug turned back to his chair, his beer and his TV.

"Do you think Danny was involved in something illegal?" Teresa asked as they headed towards Susan William's apartment.

"If I know Danny - probably. He'd find it hard to resist, especially considering the way they were living."

"Doesn't sound like Emma would have liked that."

"No – she probably _was_ a lot like you", he commented.

"What does that mean?"

"She was strong, and a good person. She probably worked hard to keep Danny in line."

Teresa was pleased at Jane's words and didn't know quite how to acknowledge them so instead picked on the last bit. "If Danny was anything like _you_, then she had her work cut out for her."

"Why Teresa, that's not very nice", he said, although he was smiling. "And no, Danny wasn't like me – at least he was, but only superficially."

"How?" she asked, interested.

Patrick stopped, and thought seriously for a moment. "Danny could never settle on anything. He was always looking for something bigger and better – the next deal, the next great con. He was sure his pot of gold was at the end of the rainbow and never felt that what he had was enough. And he didn't really care how he got what he wanted – although he would never intentionally hurt innocent people if he could help it."

"And you?" she asked softly, although she already knew.

"Me?" he looked off into the distance, thinking about what he'd been like before Red John. _Had_ he been like Danny? "I hated being on the road. I hated the carny life and I wanted to settle down – raise a family, have a good life. Angela wanted that too and we decided to make it happen. I was never looking for something new – I was fully aware of what I had. I _did_ want to be successful but that was mostly because I wanted to provide good things for my family." He suddenly took a deep breath and shook his head. "No, that wasn't all. I was also arrogant and loved the attention and the fame. I guess maybe Danny and I weren't all that different, it was just we were looking for different things."

"I didn't know you then", Teresa said softly. "But I do know you now and I know you're a good man. Tell me Patrick, what do you want now? What are you looking for?" It was something she'd wanted to ask him ever since he'd returned from his island exile.

"Now?" he looked enquiringly at her, his brows raised. He thought for a moment. "I want to be a father to Lily and give her a good life."

She nodded. "What about you? Do you want anything for yourself?"

He did, of course, but how could he tell her that? How could he tell her that _she_ was his dream, his pot at the end of the rainbow? He wasn't good enough for her – he wasn't that different than Danny. And, there was no way she would want him. Didn't she just remind him of the times she's had to rescue him? No – he couldn't have what he really wanted.

"I guess - a life – to move on."

She reached out and laid her hand on his arm. "And you're going to get that. We're going to solve this thing so you can continue to be Lily's father and then you're going to have an amazing life, just wait and see."

He smiled at her, but didn't have the heart to tell her that he doubted the part about an amazing life. He figured he'd forfeited that dream a long time ago. Still, if he could give Lily a good life it was worth it.

"We'd better see if Susan Williams is home."

The woman who answered the door was indeed exotic looking – and gorgeous. She also had some of the saddest eyes Lisbon had ever seen. She glanced at Jane who was smiling warmly at the woman and felt an unaccustomed jolt of jealousy.

"Uh Susan Williams?" she asked.

"Yes, who are you?"

"I'm Teresa Lisbon and this is Patrick Jane. We're -"

"Wait! I know you", she declared, looking at Patrick. "You were the guy who came and got all of the Ruskin's stuff."

"Yes, that's me. I was Danny's brother-in-law and was executor of his will."

"And you got Lily?"

"I did", he smiled.

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She's with a babysitter today, but she's doing well."

"Do you love her?" Susan asked, her eyes filling with tears. "Emma wanted to make sure that there would be someone to love her if anything happened to her and Danny."

"Yes", Jane said gently. "I love her as if she were my own daughter. I'm lucky to have her."

Susan nodded and sniffed. "I'm glad. She was such a doll and Emma and Danny loved her so much."

"Susan, would you mind if we came in?" Teresa asked suddenly. "We'd like to ask you a few questions about the Ruskins."

Susan's eyes grew big and she glanced around. She no longer looked sad, but worried. "Uh – I don't know."

"Please", Jane smiled – his most charming and innocent looking smile. "We just want to hear a bit more about them. I hadn't seen Danny in a while and I want to be able to tell Lily everything I can about her parents."

Susan looked around again, but then nodded and invited them in. Her place was modest, but clean. "Have a seat. Can I get you anything?"

"Do you have any tea?" Jane asked hopefully.

The woman laughed. "Do I have tea? What kind would you like? I have chamomile, jasmine, green tea, Rooibos, Rooibos Chai, Lapsang Souchong, Oolong, Peppermint, uh – and quite a few others." She looked at the stunned face of the man in front of her and laughed again. "I like tea."

Jane sighed – a sigh of pure bliss. "Oh the choices! How about you surprise me?" He watched as Susan headed into her tiny kitchen, a happy expression on his face. "She knows about tea Lisbon!"

Teresa again felt that irritating cord of jealousy. "We're not here for tea Jane", she snapped. "We're here to find out about Danny and Emma."

He looked at her in surprise, rarely hearing that note in her voice. "I'm sorry", he said. "tea helps me think – and it's something I have in common with Susan so it might break the ice when we ask questions."

She sighed and nodded, feeling guilty – but still jealous. "Okay fine – just don't spend an hour talking about it, okay?"

"Okay", he frowned, sensing that something was wrong, but not quite sure what it was – and not knowing always frustrated and worried him. He was usually excellent at reading Lisbon's moods.

"Here you go", Susan returned, carrying a tray with three cups. "I made some Moroccan Mint. It's a relaxing tea and very fragrant. There's some honey if you want it sweetened."

"Thank you", Jane picked up the cup and smelled the tea, closing his eyes in ecstasy.

Teresa allowed him a few seconds to savor the drink and then turned to their hostess with what she hoped was a sincere smile.

"So, you knew Emma and Danny well?"

"I knew Emma better, although Danny was nice. I worked nights and she was a stay at home mom so we would meet up during the day and spend time together. I'd often walk to the park with her and Lily. She liked to be outside."

"What can you tell us about Emma?" Patrick asked. "I never met her."

Susan spent the next half hour telling them all about Emma. She had had a rough childhood and youth, living in foster homes. When she aged out, at the age of eighteen, she'd ended up living wherever she could – often places that were barely habitable.

"She found whatever work she could to survive", Susan said, "but she never turned to the streets. She said she'd rather die! She was such a _good_ person, a sweet person. She shouldn't have died", she cried. Her eyes spilled over and the tears ran down her cheeks. "I miss her so much!"

"Did she have any family?" Teresa asked, once Susan had calmed down.

The other woman frowned. "Well – it was weird. She told me she didn't – that her parents were dead, but a couple of months ago she said that someone had gotten in touch with her and told her he was her brother."

"Did she believe him?" Jane asked.

"Not at first. But he called back and told her he had proof. She arranged to meet him, although I told her to be real careful – it could have been a con."

"Do you know what happened?" Lisbon leaned forward and asked.

"Yeah, she met him and came back all happy. She said the guy was her brother and now she had family."

"Do you know how Danny reacted?" Patrick was watching her carefully, his face relaxed, although Teresa could see the tension throughout his body.

"At first he was skeptical", she said. "Emma told me he didn't want anything to do with the guy, but eventually he came around. I guess he saw the same proof that she did and believed him."

"Did you ever see the brother?"

"No", she shook her head. "He didn't come by. Emma said she'd met him out for lunch a few times. He also met Danny."

"Hmm", Patrick was thinking – they had those restaurant receipts. He could probably track down someone who had seen the Ruskins together with Johnson.

"Emma told me that her brother was going to give Danny a job and that they were going to move. She was real happy about it." She frowned for a moment, as if trying to recall something. "She also mentioned something about an investment deal – that they were going to make lots of money and provide a proper home for Lily."

"Do you have any idea what that was about?"

"No – just that it was secret for now, although she did say that it was a done deal – just that they'd have to wait for the money. I don't know anything more than that."

"Hmm." Jane sat thinking some more and then suddenly seemed to come back to the present. "Did you ever see anyone else visiting the Ruskins?"

"Oh yeah", she frowned. "A couple of thugs came by one day when Emma was out shopping. I don't know who they were, other than the fact that they were scary."

They chatted for a few more minutes, but Susan didn't really have anything else to tell them. She again looked sad – and tired – and Teresa wondered about the woman. Of course it was Jane who decided to ask.

"Susan, are you happy here in Vegas?"

"Happy?" the woman responded, surprised. A moment later she shrugged. "I don't know – what's happiness? I came here because I was told I'd have a chance as a dancer. So now I'm working in a two-bit club for a few measly tips each night. It's a life, but not one I'd wish on anyone."

"What would you like to be doing?" Jane asked softly.

Her expression changed from one of sadness, to a one of longing. "I'd like to work with children", she explained. "I've always loved kids, but didn't have the money to go to college and child care doesn't pay enough to even survive."

"Well maybe one day your luck will change", Patrick said, standing up. He reached out and took Susan's hand in both of his. "Thank you so much. You'll never know how much it has meant to us to hear about Lily. If you'd like I can send you updates on how she's doing?"

"That would be nice", Susan sniffed but then smiled. She got a slip of paper and a pen and wrote down her address. "Here, you can send it here."

"Thank you."

Without warning Susan's expression turned into a frown. "Wait a second – did you say you were Danny's brother-in-law?"

"Yes", he looked at her carefully.

"The one whose wife and kid – oh, I'm sorry", she covered her mouth in embarrassment.

"It's okay", he told her gently. "And yes, that's me."

She gave him a small smile and then stepped forward and threw her arms around him. "I'm so sorry. Danny said you'd make a wonderful father to Lily because you were such a great Dad to your own little girl. He told Emma he couldn't think of a better choice of guardian. I just thought you should know that."

At first Jane was uncomfortable at Susan's hug, but at her words he closed his eyes and returned the hug fiercely. He could feel the tears spring to his eyes and desperately tried to cover his emotions. It was only as he glanced up and saw Teresa looking at him that he was able to calm down and step back.

"Thank you for telling me", he said to her softly, gratefully. "That means a lot."

She gave him a smile and moved towards the door. "Come by anytime and please do send me updates. Lily was kind of like my own niece."

As they drove away, Jane was quiet, which was not like him. Teresa glanced at him a few times, wondering whether or not to say anything. It had been a surprisingly emotional visit and she was sure Jane was trying to process everything.

"You can sat it Teresa", he said finally.

"Say what?"

"Whatever it is you're thinking."

"I was just – she seems nice."

"Mmm hmm. I think she is. I'm glad Emma had a good friend like that."

"It's sad – about Emma and Danny. I didn't really know him, but they were young and just starting out their life together."

"Yeah. At least he'd found someone", he said softly. "I always thought he'd end up in jail, but instead he met someone and had a child." He laughed. "Angie would have been proud."

"I'm sure she would have", Teresa said softly. They drove in silence for the next few minutes until she could see Patrick pull himself together. "Where are we going now?" she asked.

"Let's get lunch and then afterward I want to go to the Flamingo Hotel."

"The Flamingo – wait, that's one of the places that Edward Johnson went to, wasn't it?"

"Mmm hmm. It was also the hotel where Danny worked. He must have met him there."

They discussed the things Susan had told them over lunch, speculating on the investment opportunity she had mentioned. Somehow Patrick suspected that it was the key to something.

"Did Danny leave you anything?" Teresa asked suddenly.

"They didn't have much", he said. I got rid of all their furniture and clothing. I did keep a few items for Lily – some jewelry, pictures, books – that sort of thing."

"And there was nothing in there?"

"Like what?" he asked. "A treasure map?"

She grinned. "Well, it was a thought."

"He did leave me a letter", he confessed after a moment.

"Really – what – I'm sorry, it's none of my business. I assume it didn't say anything that's tied in with this?"

He thought for a moment, his mind going back to the letter. Had there been something he'd missed? He'd been pretty emotional reading it – and looking at the enclosed pictures of a young Danny with his big sister Angela. He didn't have any pictures of Angela as a child and had spent a lot of time looking at them.

"I'm not sure", he said, realizing that there may have been something he'd missed. He hadn't thought there was anything suspicious going on so hadn't been looking for anything. "It's back in Austin so I'll have to check when we get home."

"Okay. So, what do you think we'll find at the Flamingo?"

What they found was a colleague of Danny's who clearly remembered him meeting with Edward Johnson. Of course he didn't know him by name, but recognized the description of him.

"Yeah – he was here a few times", Royce told them. He was a dealer and had gotten to know Danny on their breaks and at lunches. "At first Danny was happy. Said he was glad his wife had some family. And then he told me that Johnson had offered him a job. He didn't know if he wanted to work for him or not, but said he was considering it for his kid's sake."

"Did he say what the job was?" Teresa asked.

"Just that it would be working at the brother-in-law's business in Atlanta. Danny said it might be a good thing to be away from temptation. Not sure what he meant, because he didn't seem to have a gambling problem and I know he didn't do drugs. And he _definitely_ wasn't one for the ladies. He was totally crazy about his wife and didn't give the girls here so much as a look – and there are some luscious ones."

Jane smiled, pleased to know that Danny seemed to have really settled down. It actually didn't surprise him when he thought about it. The Ruskin's had been a tight knit family and he figured Danny had been looking for someone that would bring back that close feeling and security to his life.

"But he started to get antsy after a while", Royce continued. "He told me he thought there was something off about the brother – didn't say what, but he said he was going to look into it. I don't know what happened though."

"Did he say anything about an investment?"

Royce frowned in thought. "Not exactly, but now that you mention it, he did come in one day – before he started getting suspicious – and said he'd taken care of Lily's future. He said his parents had left him nothing and he didn't want the same for his daughter."

"You've been really helpful", Jane smiled and put out his hand to shake the other man's. "If you think of anything else, will you give me a call?"

"Sure – just give me your number. I liked Danny and was sad about what happened. He was one of the good ones. By the way – what happened to his daughter?"

"I have custody of her", Patrick replied. "I was Danny's brother-in-law."

* * *

><p>"So – there was definitely something going on, and it sounds like Danny may have been looking into it", Teresa commented as they headed back to pick up Lily. "Do you think -", she stopped, not wanting to continue without more of the facts. It was too upsetting to even contemplate.<p>

"Do I think it may not have been an accident that killed them?" Patrick asked, his face blank. "Yes I do. And we're going to find out for sure."


	17. Knowing Him

_**Not too much plot tonight – I was in a fluffy mood again. Sorry for not updating the last couple of days. RL happens: driving children around, evening meetings, decorating the tree, etc. etc. I will try and update as often as I can and thank you to all of you who continue to review. **_

As they drove away from the Flamingo Hotel Teresa suggested that she contact the Vegas police and find out more about the Ruskin's and what had happened to them. All Jane had heard was that they were in a traffic accident and had been killed instantly. The report said it was due to slippery roads – from a highly unusual rainstorm that had hit the desert city.

They stopped in at the police station and soon were meeting with one of the officers who had been at the accident scene. Officer Daniels went through everything with them, but was convinced that it had been nothing more than an accident.

"The trucker who slammed into them felt terrible", he said. "That sort of thing can destroy you – you know, thinking you were responsible for someone else's death."

"A trucker you said?" Jane asked, his clenched hands the only thing showing his reaction to the policeman's words.

"Mmm hmm. An experienced guy too – been trucking for years he said and had never had a major accident."

"Uh – do you happen to have his name?" Jane asked.

"Uh, not offhand, no. If you're thinking of suing, you should go through your lawyers."

"I must be able to get some information", Jane insisted. "Which trucking company was it?"

The cop sighed. He hated dealing with relatives of the victims. It was always difficult to get people to believe that sometimes it _was_ just an accident and blaming someone wouldn't help the grief go away. What was even worse were those relatives of people who _were_ the victims of a crime. The ones that sought revenge and didn't leave the justice system to handle it gave him, and his fellow officers a huge headache.

"It was Johnson Trucking." Another officer had come up behind them and was listening to the conversation. "I remember cause they're not a local firm and it was unusual for one of their trucks to be in the Las Vegas area. The trucker said it was a special contract."

Lisbon had swiveled her head to look at Jane as soon as the name Johnson Trucking popped up. It sounded like their theory might not be far off. Damn! Just what Patrick needed – the search for another killer of someone close to him.

"I'll want a copy of the accident report", he said softly. "If you're telling me I have to get a lawyer to do so, I will. The victims left a daughter – a small infant. When she's older she'll want to know exactly what happened."

Daniels sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, okay. Sam, can you get these guys a photocopy of the report?" He turned back to the couple in front of him. "Please don't do anything foolish. I'm sure it was an accident and it's really not worth it to get obsessed with vengeance."

Neither of them spoke as they made their way to the car, although Teresa glanced at him a few times, wondering what was going through his head.

He sat in the car and let out a deep breath. He then turned to look at her. "I'm not about to start another quest for revenge, if that's what you're thinking. I – cared – for Danny, but now I have Lily and I have to concentrate on her."

Teresa let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad", she said, smiling at him.

"But that doesn't mean I'm not going to investigate", he told her. "If Johnson _was_ responsible for their deaths we have to prove it. That way he won't get Lily."

She nodded, knowing he was right. She remained quiet the rest of the way to pick up the baby. It had been a long morning and she was looking forward to time spent with an innocent and darling Lily.

They retrieved the little girl, who gave them both a big smile, and buckled her into her carseat. She gurgled and babbled all the way back to the hotel, causing both of the adults to relax after a stressful day. By the time they arrived in their suite Jane was actually smiling.

They played with Lily for a while and then fed her. Eventually she fell asleep and Jane put her down in her travel crib. Thank goodness she was a good traveller.

Patrick looked over at Teresa, who was sitting on the couch, her shoes kicked off and her legs curled up beside her. He hated to leave her, but there was something he had to do.

"Uh – I think I might go downstairs for a bit. Are you okay staying and keeping an eye on Lily? She should sleep for a couple of hours."

"Of course." Lisbon looked at him suspiciously. "What are you planning Jane?"

"I'm not going to do anything stupid Teresa, trust me."

"Trust you?" she snorted. "_Jane_ – what are you up to?"

"Nothing", he sighed. "Okay – I thought I'd go and play some poker – but I promise to be careful and only join a legitimate game. I'm _not_ going to screw up my chances for Lily by doing something rash."

"Okay", she sighed and gave him a tiny smile. "I just -"

"I know", he gave a small nod. "But this time I really do promise to stay out of trouble."

"Try not to be too late", she said. She then grimaced. She was starting to sound like a nag.

"I won't", he grinned. With a small wave he was gone. She shouldn't worry so much about him, she told herself. He was a grown man and he was no longer her responsibility. She snorted softly. As if that would _ever_ stop her worrying about him.

* * *

><p>Jane made his way down to the main casino area. He approached one of the employees – the man looked like the floor manager – and discretely asked where he could find a high stakes game. He handed the man a $100 tip and soon found himself being admitted to a back room.<p>

Seated at the table in front of him were a group of well-dressed men. Based on their clothing, watches and jewelry they were all wealthy and successful. He kept himself from smiling. This is exactly what he had been looking for.

By the second hour he was doing well, but not _too_ well. He didn't want anything to looked suspicious. He'd even gone out of his way to make sure and lose a couple of hands and to establish himself as a bit of a predictable player. He remembered back to the time he's won the million dollars for his bail money. He needed to play it smart, just like then.

He glanced at his watch and saw that it was almost dinner-time. Teresa would be getting worried – and hungry – and he needed to draw this to a close. He glanced at his hand and knew now was the time.

* * *

><p>As he walked towards the garage where his rental care was kept, he thought about his winnings. From now on he was going to take any money he received – whether by winning it or earning it – and put a portion of it to Lily's education fund. With the way things were going with college tuition, if he didn't start now there was no way she would be able to afford to go.<p>

Except for the college fund, the rest of today's money, was going somewhere else, _to_ someone else.

He pulled up his car outside the apartment complex. After watching to make sure she was there, Jane carefully and slowly walked to her apartment and set the bag down in front of the door. He then knocked and quickly hurried away, waiting around the corner and watching.

A moment later the door opened. He could see Susan look around and, when she didn't see anyone, frown. She was about to close the door when she saw the bag. With another frown she bent and lifted it up. She hesitated a moment and then opened it. The look on her face was priceless.

With another look around, Susan stepped back in and closed the door. Jane smiled and returned to his car and drove back to see his two favorite girls.

Susan stared down at the money, not quite sure what to do. It took her a moment to realize there was a note stuck in with the bills. Her hand shaking, she reached down and lifted it out and opened it.

_Susan,_

_All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. Take the money and pursue your dream. And don't worry, it was won fairly and legally and is yours to use. I hope one day to hear that you __are__ working with those children, for they will be the lucky ones._

_A friend._

* * *

><p>"Everything go okay?" Teresa looked up as Jane walked into the hotel suite. She was sitting on the couch where she'd been when he'd left, but this time Lily was sitting on her lap, trying to grab her hair.<p>

"Just fine", he grinned, enjoying the sight in front of him.

"Did you win?"

"Of course", he nodded. "Not a lot – just a bit to put in Lily's college fund."

"You have a college fund for her already?" laughed Teresa.

"Yes – well, no, but I will soon. I'm just thinking ahead."

"Yes you are." At that point Lily turned her head and squealed at Patrick and held out her arms.

"Hey you", he walked over and lifted her up and swung her around until she giggled. He then lifted her and gave her a raspberry on her tummy. She erupted in belly laughs, which caused Teresa to start laughing herself.

"You two!", she said, finally catching her breath. "You're both silly."

"Yes, but very cute", Jane said, waggling his brows.

"Well, _Lily_ is cute", she said, sounding serious.

"Oh really? And what about yours truly?"

"Wee'lll", she thought for a moment. "You're -"

"What?" he said, narrowing his eyes. Lily was looking at her with a wide-eyed expression as if waiting for her answer too. Teresa couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, you _do_ have a cute smile", she admitted.

He pouted, although secretly he was pleased. "Just my smile?" At that moment Lily bounced and again squealed, drawing the attention back onto her. Jane laughed and shook his head, marveling at how happy he felt all of a sudden.

"I think you need a change Miss Lily. You're a bit stinky." He looked at Teresa and smiled. "I'll be right back." He carried Lily towards his room to change her.

Teresa watched as Patrick disappeared with the little girl. Did she think he was cute? God yes. She sighed and cuddled back into the couch.

They ordered room service, figuring that it was easier than trying to take Lily down and feed her in the restaurant. After dinner they gave her a bath together, both of them ending up soaked, and then put her to bed. It was only when she was sleeping and they were both relaxed, each drinking a cup of tea that they talked about everything that had happened.

"Did you read the report?" Patrick asked.

"Yes and it does look like an accident, although there were no witnesses, other than the truck driver. According to the report their car skidded on the wet pavement and was hit by the truck. It was carried quite a distance down the highway before it flipped over. It says they were killed instantly." She said the last part softly, knowing it must be hard for Patrick. Danny was the closest thing he had to a family left.

"Did they check the skid marks?" he asked, no inflection in his voice.

Teresa grabbed the file, which she had left on the side table and opened it. She glanced up at Jane, knowing he was far from unemotional about this. She had long ago learned that he covered up strong emotions with a façade of humor, sarcasm or in this case, lack of expression.

"Uh – it says that pictures were taken at the scene but they're not in the file. It doesn't say anything about skid marks in the report."

"We'll have to get a copy and take a look", Jane commented, his head leaning back against the couch.

"Any ideas yet?" she asked.

"No, although I have to check again when I get home to see if Danny left me a clue in any of his stuff." Jane took a deep breath and stretched, looking tired.

"You should go to bed", Teresa suggested. She knew this whole thing was emotionally draining and he still had an infant to look after.

He shook his head. "No", he smiled. "I'm enjoying this. It's nice to just sit and talk."

"But not about Johnson or the Ruskins or anything stressful – not now. Let's get our mind off things for a while."

After a second he nodded, although he regarded her seriously. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know – anything –movies, books, trips you've taken – anything."

He leaned back again and stared for a moment at the ceiling. She had known Jane for years, knew he could talk about just about anything. She'd rarely met a man so knowledgeable about so many things. She knew he read a lot, and his phenomenal memory also helped, but the depth of his knowledge still startled her. She knew he was bright, but there were times when it hit her how truly brilliant he was.

But as much as he could speak about so many things, the one thing he rarely ever talked about was himself. Even after all these years she only knew a small number of facts about his life before Red John.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" he suddenly asked her, a knowing look in his eye.

Should she tell him? She considered it for a moment and decided to jump right in. There was a gentle and comfortable feeling between them at that moment and she knew if he would ever open up to her it would have to be when he was feeling mellow, like now.

"I was just thinking how little I know about you", she said softly.

He looked surprised at that and didn't speak for a few seconds. "Teresa – you know me better than anyone in this world."

She smiled at that – a warm feeling rushing through her. "Well, I may know you as you are now", she told him. "But not a lot about your life before the CBI other than the few things you've shared over the years. You don't have to tell me anything – it doesn't matter to our friendship – but sometimes I get curious."

He stared at her, no expression on his face. She wondered suddenly if she'd made a huge mistake. Was he uncomfortable? Was he offended? God – she wished she could take it –

"Well, you know I grew up on the Carny circuit", he said softly. "For the most part it was good. We were like a big family", he said. "We looked after one another. There was something of an 'us against the world' feeling though" he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "You saw it in Pete and Sam's reaction to you."

"They don't like cops?"

"Not very much", he smiled. At that point he leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes. For the next hour he told her tales of growing up, travelling around the mid-west, becoming the Boy Wonder. He told her about his mother, how she was the center of his life and when she died, how devastated he was. He told of his father – a loving, generous man until his wife died – and then he'd taken to drinking and gambling and conning people. Finally he told her about meeting Angela, about falling in love and about running away from the circuit.

By the time he was done his voice was horse and he looked even more exhausted. He had barely opened his eyes or looked at her during the entire time he was speaking, almost as if he was embarrassed or ashamed. When he finished he continued to lay back, his eyes closed and his body tense.

"Thank you", she said softly, gently. "It means a lot that you shared that with me", she told him. "It also sounds like an amazing life – no wonder you ended up being the interesting man you are."

That made him open his eyes and sit up. He looked gravely at her for a handful of seconds and then his face split into his most charming and joyous smile. "Interesting am I?"

"Oh yeah", she laughed. "Definitely interesting."

"Why Teresa, I think you've given me more compliments tonight than in all the years I've known you. I'll have to bring you to Vegas more often."

She pushed herself to her feet, suddenly exhausted herself. She took a couple of steps closer to Patrick and reached down her hand and laid it carefully on his shoulder. "It's not Vegas", she told him. "It's – _you._ Thank you Patrick" she smiled. "Now get to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow."

He watched as she walked into her room, the desire to stand up and follow her and pull her to him so powerful he had to take a deep breath to calm himself and force himself to stay seated.

He didn't know what had gotten into him tonight. He hadn't spoken so much about himself to another person since he'd been in that locked room with Sophie Miller. He let out a soft, strangled laugh and stood up. His thoughts and emotions were all mixed up right now – something he didn't like. He made his way into his room and stared down at Lily; her soft breathing and innocent face bringing peace to his mind and heart.


	18. Joys of Daddyhood

_**Gotta say I loved the latest episode of The Mentalist. I feel like they're getting better each time (but come on, would one kiss kill them?)**_

_**So - I went totally off and away from the plot on this one. For some reason I wanted to spend a little time on Jane as Daddy - the bad as well as the good. Any parents out there should relate to this! I hope you enjoy, or that you forgive me for veering away from the plot for this one chapter. I'll return to it right away.**_

He said goodbye to Teresa at the airport in Austin, even though she offered to help him get settled in with Lily when he got home. As much as that sounded nice, he couldn't keep expecting her to be there for the two of them. So, he'd thanked her and told her to go home and relax and that he'd call her with any news.

He and Lily then made their way back to the apartment. She was tired and cranky although he was amazed at how well she'd actually managed the trip. He was lucky at how easy she was, most of the time.

However not right now. By the time they arrived she was in full voice, screaming at the top of her lungs. He quickly paid the poor taxi driver and tumbled out with the baby. The driver kindly carried his things to his door and then beat a hasty retreat, probably to a local bar where he could recover from the harrowing trip from the airport.

"Come on Lily", he bounced her as he walked back and forth, back and forth. Nothing seemed to settle her down and he didn't know what to do. She hadn't stopped screaming since the taxi ride and he was starting to get worried. He'd tried changing her, feeding her, walking with her – everything he could think of, but nothing seemed to work. He needed help but didn't know whom to call.

"What is it sweetheart?" he asked, for perhaps the dozenth time. Of course she couldn't answer and she appeared as frustrated and miserable as he did. She had her fist in her mouth and was chewing on it while she continued to cry.

He'd removed his jacket but was still sweating up a storm. He felt her forehead, but it was as cool as the last time he'd checked all of a minute ago. What the heck –

Without warning Lily vomited all over him – and when he said all over him, he meant just that. She managed to cover his head, face and all down his front. He was so surprised he stood there blinking for all of ten seconds, the vomit dripping down his face.

The good news was that Lily stopped screaming. She was still sniffling and was upset but throwing up had eased whatever had been bothering her – at least Jane hoped so.

"You had a tummy ache", he stated. He couldn't say as it was the most pleasant thing he'd ever experienced, but the relief of Lily starting to calm down was almost worth the state he was in. "Okay, we're going to have to get cleaned up here", he told her. He carefully walked towards the bathroom, having to be careful where he stepped. He'd heard of projectile vomiting before, but he had to admit it was the first, and hopefully last time he would ever have to witness it.

In the end he decided the best thing to do was simply strip them both down and get into the shower together. They were both covered in the foul substance and a warm shower would probably feel good. The also both needed their hair washed – Lily because she'd gotten soaked from all the crying and him from the dripping stinking mess that covered it.

Lily didn't quite know what to make of the shower at first, but after she got used to it she seemed to enjoy it. At least she was quiet, although she continued to chew her fist. He wondered if she'd gotten some bad formula or whether this was a bug she'd caught. Either way he'd have to watch her closely. She was still young enough that any illness could become serious rather quickly.

Once they were both clean – and what a relief _that_ was – he turned off the shower and wrapped the baby up in a big, fluffy towel. He suddenly realized he was in an awkward position of not being able to dry himself off with an armful of baby.

With a sigh he trudged out to the living room, leaving a trail of water. He set Lily down on her blanket on the floor. "I'll be right back baby", he told her. With that he quickly returned to the bathroom.

Forgetting – of course – that the floor was sopping wet. He took one step inside and went flying. In the moment before impact all he could think of was that he was all alone and if something happened to him Lily would be in trouble.

He ended up with lots of bruises, the worst being on his right elbow, hip and shoulder. He cursed, just glad that the baby was too young to understand, and struggled to his feet. He cursed again and grabbed the towel. This time _he_ felt nauseated, but he knew it was from the pain of the fall, not from whatever was wrong with Lily.

He struggled to dry himself off, but before he had a chance to get dressed he heard Lily start to whimper. He draped the towel around his hips and limped back out to the living room.

He grimaced in pain as he bent to lift her up. As soon as he was holding her she quieted down so he made his way to his room and grabbed some clothes and dressed her for the night. Setting her down for a second in her crib he threw on a pair of sweat pants and a shirt. Again, Lily started to fuss so he picked her up.

"I bet you're hungry", he realized. She'd lost everything in her stomach in the _Episode_ as he was now calling it so he headed towards the kitchen to make her a bottle.

On the chance that it had been the formula he opened a new container and warmed it up. Sitting down in the chair he fed it to her, hoping that it would send her to sleep.

After twenty minutes he breathed a sigh of relief. She was asleep. He went to stand up and had to bite his lip. He _hurt_ – everywhere. He managed to get vertical and limped back to his bedroom, where Lily's crib still resided. He placed her in it carefully, watching her closely to make sure she was okay. When she hadn't moved after almost a minute he sighed and trudged back to the living room. He had a mess to clean up.

He almost lost the contents of his _own_ stomach as he cleaned up. There was vomit everywhere and he ended up having to get a bucket, mop, cloths and rubber gloves. He just wished he had a gas mask.

Eventually everything was clean and the laundry was in the washing machine. He'd wiped down his suit, but it would have to go to the cleaners. He was pretty sure he'd spent more money on dry cleaners this last month than in his whole life. Maybe it was time to consider a new wardrobe, now that he had an infant to look after. Suits just weren't all that practical.

Finally finished, he sat on the couch in exhaustion. It was only then that he realized he was thirsty and starving. He glanced at the clock – it was already 9 o'clock and he hadn't eaten since having a late breakfast.

As hungry as he was, he debated whether or not it was worth it to force himself up and out to the kitchen. Now that he'd sat down he realized how much he really hurt. His shoulder and arm were killing him and he didn't even want to look at his hip. He was pretty sure it must be a multitude of colors.

It was the growl that did it. His stomach was informing him, in no uncertain terms, that it wanted to be fed. "Damn", he muttered, and then pushed himself up – or at least he tried. His arm collapsed underneath him and he groaned. Okay, it was just some bruises Patrick – you can do this.

He had arrived in his kitchen – normally not a huge accomplishment, but tonight it felt like one. He opened the refrigerator, leaning rather heavily on the door, and stared at the almost empty space in front of him. He was out of eggs! How could he have let that happen? They were always his old standby when he didn't feel like cooking too much. He let out a huge breath of air and slowly closed the door. Maybe he had some crackers or something to take away the edge. He could fix something more complete tomorrow.

He was trying to remember where the crackers would be when he heard it. He closed his eyes and leaned forward on the cupboard. "No." he whispered.

Lily was screaming again.

He made his way as quickly as possible to his bedroom and picked her up, ignoring the pain that shot through his arm and shoulder. "Hush", he told her gently. "It's okay my sweet baby. Daddy is here and you're okay."

She screamed for forty-five minutes without stopping. Jane was almost afraid he'd hear a pounding on the door and the neighbors threatening him with death if he didn't quiet her down. Fortunately no one came by or knocked.

He looked down at the girl, who appeared so sad and miserable, and opened his mouth to once again try and soothe her, when the same thing happened.

Episode #2 – and this time it was even worse because he'd had his mouth open.

Feeling a strong desire to throw up himself, Jane managed to hang on long enough to make his way to the bathroom and try and rinse out his mouth, choking and gagging all the while. Lily was crying, but it was a more contained cry and no longer the strident screams of a minute ago. Those screams obviously were evidence of the extreme discomfort she had been in and vomiting seemed to relieve that – at least for now.

Jane looked down at his clothes, the ones that had been freshly clean a moment ago. He sighed. It was back in the shower for Lily and him.

By the time the warm water was running over them, Lily seemed perfectly happy. Jane had given her a bottle – of water this time – and she sucked on it happily. He probably had made a mistake to give her formula when she had the flu.

An hour later and Lily was back to sleep and Jane collapsed in his bed, exhausted, in pain, and starving. He quickly decided he'd just have to suffer being hungry because there was no way in hell he was going to make it to the kitchen. He hurt too much and he was pretty sure Lily would wake up the moment he was gone. Nope, he was staying right here.

And that's where he stayed, for the next twenty minutes, until she woke up, screaming again.

This time he was fully aware of what was going to happen. He tried to deal with it in advance by draping towels over everything vulnerable – mostly himself. If Lily were to throw up again – which of course she did – then he would make damn sure he didn't have to change his clothes for the third time.

It ended up that the towels did help, but not completely. Lily managed to find one or two rather unexpected spots to hit with her projective vomiting. Those two places were Patrick's pillow – which he thought he'd covered – and her own crib, which should have been too far away.

He wanted to curse again, but realized it wouldn't do any good. Instead he sighed and walked with a gooey, dripping baby to the bathroom. "So, how do you feel about _another_ shower?" he asked. He glanced down at himself and realized he actually wasn't too bad this time. The towels had caught almost everything. So, instead of subjecting the little girl to another shower, he was able to bathe her in the bathtub.

Which had sounded like a good idea, but he'd forgotten about the bruises and pains from his fall. He could barely get down on his knees and when he did it hurt like crazy. He had to suck it up, although by the time he pulled her out he was feeling rather weak and dizzy.

"Of course that could be because you haven't eaten anything", he said to himself. He looked down at the very sleepy looking baby in his arms. He had to get some water into her before she felt asleep, so he shifted her and her eyes popped open.

"Bottle time", he told her. He fixed her a bottle of water with a tiny bit of organic apple juice mixed in. He didn't know if it would help her or not, but remembered that apples were supposed to be okay with the stomach flu.

After the third incident he'd called the 24-hour emergency hotline to speak to a nurse. He'd explained the symptoms and she was pretty sure it _was_ the stomach flu. It turns out it had been going around. She told him it usually only lasted about 24 hours, but if Lily's symptoms changed or grew worse to take her to the hospital.

So far her symptoms, if that's what they were, were pretty consistent. She'd be fine, would start to scream and then would projectile vomit all over him, after which she'd be fine again. He guessed all he could do was get through it.

By the time morning came he didn't know if he could keep going. He hadn't slept a wink, was in pain from the fall, and was worried about Lily, even though she seemed fine this morning although she was still cranky, probably from lack of sleep. He had to admit that he was feeling rather cranky himself even though he knew it wasn't her fault.

He gave her a bit of mashed banana after her bottle and she seemed to tolerate it just fine, although he kept waiting for disaster to happen. When, after an hour it didn't, he breathed a sigh of relief. The worst must be over.

Of course she was still overtired and fussy and wouldn't settle down. It wasn't the uncomfortable screaming of the night, but simple crying, wiggling and just general miserableness.

He must have walked – okay _limped_ – the floor a hundred times and she didn't want to fall asleep. He even tried putting her down in her crib, which only resulted in the screaming starting up again. He groaned and picked her up. She grabbed onto his shirt and whimpered, her little chin quivering in anguish. That, of course, filled him with guilt. How could he possibly put her down when she was still feeling rotten?

By late that morning he was practically falling over and didn't know how much more he could take. Lily had fallen asleep once and he'd gone to put her down, which resulted in a repeat of the morning. She seemed to need to have him hold her.

He would have sat down in the chair or even better, the bed, since he was so exhausted and sore, but he worried that he'd fall asleep and drop her. In the end he got down on the floor and laid her on top of him. She fussed for a while, but he crooned softly to her, while rubbing her back up and down, up and down.

Soon her eyelids began to droop and finally she fell asleep. Half asleep himself, he grabbed a blanket from the couch and threw it over both of them. He followed her to dreamland almost instantly, the hard floor notwithstanding.

Lisbon slept in a bit that morning but was still up by eight. She had the day off and decided to look after a few things around the house. She expected Jane to contact her as soon as he was ready to get going on the Johnson case.

By 11 o'clock she still hadn't heard from him. She debated calling, but decided it was up to him to get in touch with her. She didn't want to start harassing him, knowing how easy it was to make Jane feel pushed, something he hated.

Still, she missed Lily (and Jane himself if she were being honest). She'd enjoyed the time in Vegas, most of it anyway, and was finding that spending time with Jane was increasingly pleasant.

_Pleasant_? Who are you kidding Teresa, she scolded herself. It was far beyond pleasant and into the realm of wonderful. She'd always enjoyed Jane's company – okay, okay, if honesty were the rule of the day then she'd _almost _always enjoyed his company. But, for some reason, he'd been especially amazing to be around lately. It was as if he was trying to be sweet and kind and considerate around her. Could it be that he felt sorry about her breaking up with Marcus? She thought about that for a moment.

"No", she snorted out loud. "He's glad I'm not with Marcus anymore." That made her start to think even more, which was slowly driving her crazy. With a growl she picked up her cell phone and viscously stabbed the screen and dialed Jane's number.

His voice mail kicked in after five rings so she dialed it again, thinking that maybe he was changing Lily or something and couldn't get to his phone. When the second time didn't work she tried again – still voicemail.

She kept calling him for the next half hour, growing more and more worried as time went by. Jane was usually good about answering his phone. Suddenly thinking about Edward Johnson and the trucking _accident_ that had killed the Ruskins, she ran and grabbed her keys and her purse.

She made it to Jane's apartment in record time, thankful that there hadn't been any police traps on the way. She hurried up to his door and knocked. She waited and knocked again. Where could he be?

She'd seen his car in his parking spot so surely he had to be in – unless he'd taken the baby for a walk? That was possible. He could have simply forgotten his cell phone.

She looked around, hoping to maybe see him walking down the street, stroller in front of him, but there was nothing. Damn it! Where could he be?

She tried the door handle, but it was locked. Of course it was. He was super careful about security, especially since Lily had come into his life. He'd already had the locks changed since he moved in and was talking about a security system. If it had been anyone else she would have teased him about being paranoid. Jane had a perfect right to be careful. He knew what could happen.

She looked around, not sure what to do, until it dawned on her that the landlord had office hours and was in the next building over. Without stopping to think about it she raced over there and was lucky enough to find him just as he was leaving for lunch.

"Can I help you?" he asked, startled at the nervous looking woman in front of him. He squinted slightly in recognition. "Oh hello. You're the lady that helped Patrick Jane move in."

"Yes, that's me." She pulled out her wallet and her FBI ID. "I'm sorry, but I'm worried something has happened to him. He's not answering his door or his phone. I wondered if you had a key and could let me into his apartment."

"Maybe he's just out and forgot his phone?"

"It's possible", she nodded. "I hope that's the case, although I've never known him to forget his phone before. "Please? I promise you can stay with me and I won't touch anything. I just want to make sure he's okay."

He hesitated a moment. If it had been anyone else he would have said a direct _no_. But he knew that this lady was a friend of the tenants _and_ she was FBI. He finally shrugged. "Let me get my key – but I do have to stay with you."

"That's fine", she nodded and waited impatiently while he retrieved his key chain.

They walked back to Patrick's apartment, Lisbon practically wanting to pull the other man along. They finally arrived and the landlord took his key and opened the door.

Teresa stuck her head in first, looking around carefully. It only took her a moment to see the bodies on the floor.

"Oh my God", she said, rushing forward. The landlord called out to her but then he himself saw the man and baby lying on the living room carpet. He cursed and followed the woman.

If she hadn't been so worried, she would have noticed the blanket over the two figures, and the fact that the blanket was moving up and down in rhythm with their breathing.

But all she saw was the two people she cared for most in this world (she'd analyze that later) lying on the floor, looking like they were dead.

"Jane!" she threw herself down beside him and reached out, too afraid to even touch him. At that precise moment he turned his head and muttered something – which sounded vaguely like her name, although she had probably imagined that.

She sat back on her heels and let out a single sob. He was _sleeping_ as was Lily, who was lying on top of him. She could feel the tears prick her eyes and then one managed to make it's slow but definite way down her cheek. She brushed it aside impatiently, still staring at the man and the baby.

Why the hell hadn't he woken up? Surely he would have heard the phone _and_ the door. And what were they doing lying on the floor.

"Whew – kind of smells in here", the landlord said, interrupting her thoughts.

She looked up and blinked and realized the man was right. It _did_ smell – and she knew instantly what it was. She glanced around to see a mop and bucket, cloths, towels and cleaning solution. Oh poor Jane – someone, she assumed Lily, had probably been up all night with the stomach flu. She still wondered why he was asleep on the floor.

"Uh do you want to call someone or something?" the landlord asked. "It looks like they're sick."

She glanced down again and only then realized that Jane looked terrible. He was pale with dark circles under his eyes. His hair was a mess and it looked like he was wearing an old ripped t-shirt. "I think they're just sleeping", she told the man softly. "I think one or both of them may have been sick in the night. I'll deal with it."

"You're sure?" he asked skeptically, looking around at the mess. "You must be a good friend."

"I'm his friend, yes, and don't worry, I'll handle it. Thank you for your help."

After the man was gone Teresa looked around the room and sighed. Poor Patrick. She knelt down again and carefully felt his forehead and that of Lily to make sure they weren't sick with something serious. They were both cool and seemed to be breathing normally so she decided to leave them for a moment.

Dawning a pair of fresh rubber gloves she found in the kitchen she began to tidy everything up. One of the first things she did was open a few windows, grateful that it was a warm day. After that she wiped everything down with disinfectant, mopped the floors and threw in a load of laundry. Once she was done and everything was put away she made her way back to the living room.

She had to admit that the two of them made a cute picture, with Lily lying on Jane's chest, her head tucked neatly under his chin. She couldn't help but smile, although after a moment she decided she should wake him up. He was going to be sore from lying on the floor.

She knelt down beside him. "Jane", she whispered. He didn't move. "_Jane_", she said a little bit louder. There was still no movement. "_Patrick, wake up_", she whispered, this time directly in his ear.

She could feel him jerk and then groan. She sat back and watched as his eyes slowly opened. He stared at the ceiling, his eyes looking blurry and tired. As if in slow motion he allowed his head to flop to the side until he was staring at her. It took him a few seconds before he blinked and then looked startled.

He went to move then but instead he groaned. He also remembered that Lily was there and put his hand on her back. His eyes closed again and he seemed to be trying to regulate his breathing. After a moment he opened them and this time looked directly and clearly at her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice sounding harsher than he'd intended. He grimaced slightly. "I didn't mean that to sound so rude", he told her. "But why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same", she told him, her head shaking. "Why are you sleeping on the floor?"

"Because the baby wouldn't let me put her down and I was afraid I'd drop her if I fell asleep on the bed or couch."

"Oh?" she frowned at him. "Are you okay Jane?" He looked and sounded terrible and still hadn't moved.

"I'm fine", he nodded. "Lily was sick in the night."

"I gathered that", she told him in a dry tone of voice. "It was a little – fragrant in here."

He frowned and tried to look around the room, which, as far as he could tell, smelled just fine.

"I tidied up a bit", she explained at his puzzled look.

"What? You didn't have to do that", he exclaimed.

"I didn't mind. I tried to call you but when there was no answer I got a bit worried and came over. The landlord let me in. Jane, why are you still lying there?"

"Uh – I don't want to wake Lily. She was up most of the night."

"She looked pretty sound asleep to me. Why don't I try and take her? I'll be careful."

After a moment he nodded. He didn't want to say anything but he was pretty sure he couldn't move. Everything _hurt_ and he was sure that he'd also stiffened up after lying on the floor for who knows how long. "Uh, what time is it?"

"It's 1:30", she told him as she carefully pulled the blanket away and gently reached under the baby and picked her up. Lily didn't so much as blink.

Teresa stood and cuddled the baby to her chest and still Lily remained sound asleep. Her breathing was fine and her color was good, so she took her to the bedroom – Jane's bedroom, and placed her in her crib. She stood there to make sure that Lily wasn't going to wake up and then returned slowly to the living room.

To find Jane still sprawled out on the floor. She sat down in the chair and just looked at him. "You can get up now you know."

"No I can't", he shook his head.

She laughed. "Yes, of course you can. Lily is sound asleep in her crib. I suggest you get up and go lie down on your bed. I'll fix you something to eat and then you can sleep."

"No, you don't understand", he said, for some reason sounding almost embarrassed. "I can't get up."

"You – why not?"

"I'm stiff and sore", he told her, hoping she'd just think it was from having slept on the floor.

She sighed and stood up. "You really do need to get more exercise Jane", she told him. "Come on!" She reached her hand down to take his and help him to his feet.

Jane grimaced and forced his arm up – his right arm – which he immediately dropped with a – hopefully – silent groan. He then lifted his left arm, which was awkward, considering the angle at which Lisbon was standing. He took her offered hand and she pulled.

And he yelped and let go of her hand.

"_Jane_! What the hell's wrong?" She instantly squatted down beside him and tried to look him over. She didn't _see _anything wrong with him, although he was looking even more pale than a moment ago. "What happened?" she asked more gently.

"I slipped in the bathroom", he confessed. "I'm just bruised, but lying her like this has kind of – stiffened my up."

"Right", she shook her head. "Come on then. Let's get you to bed."

He grinned as she took his arm again. "Best offer I've had all day", he said.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Well don't get any ideas, because all you're going to do in that bed is sleep."

"Damn", he whispered, this time with a sweet smile.

She couldn't let herself get distracted so instead put all her energy into getting Jane vertical. It took more of an effort than she'd expected and she was worried that he'd end up with more than just bruises.

"You're sure you're alright?" she asked for the tenth time.

"I'm fine – sore and thirsty, but fine." He managed to limp over as far as the couch and sit down. He didn't think he could make it to his bedroom.

"Maybe we should take you to the hospital to get checked out", she told him.

"NO – I'm fine. I just need some sleep in a soft bed and I'll be as good as new."

"Well then, let's get you to that bed." Lisbon tried cajoling, and when that didn't work, outright threats to get him to move towards his bed. When he finally made it he collapsed, his arm and side and hip all sending bolts of lighting through his body. He groaned and was grateful when Teresa picked up his legs and placed them on the bed. He knew he couldn't have done it. She then pulled down his covers and within moments he was cocooned nicely in his warm and comfy bed.

He began to drift off, finally feeling as if everything was going to be okay. He'd gotten through the night and now all he had to do was sleep. He could handle that.

The thoughts had barely crossed his mind when Lily woke up crying. He unglued his eyes and forced himself to sit up, only to find a soft, feminine hand on his chest.

"Relax", her voice told him. "I'll look after Lily. You just sleep Patrick. Everything will be fine."

He closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift. She had said everything would be fine – and he knew he could trust her to always tell him the truth. The next moment he was asleep.

Teresa picked up the crying baby, who almost instantly stopped. Lily looked down at her daddy intently, and gave a big smile. She then turned back to Lisbon and grabbed her hair and put it in her mouth.

"Yup – it's going to be a long day", Teresa sighed, although the smile stayed on her face. "And that's alright Patrick, because that's what friends are for.


	19. So You Want Romance Already?

_**Short but slightly more of the same with an added bonus …**_

**Thank you to my lovely, lovely reviewers. **

Patrick slept for most of the day while Teresa looked after Lily. At about 4 o'clock he finally woke up and wandered out to the living room. "Hey", he said, as he watched Teresa playing on the floor with a clearly happy baby.

"How is she?" he asked.

Teresa swung around, a smile on her face. "Adorable. She seems to be over the flu already. She's been happy as can be and very hungry."

"I'm sorry about this", he said, rubbing his hands through his hair.

She had to restrain a grin at the wild-looking curls. "Don't be. We've had fun. How are you feeling?"

He didn't answer for a moment as if trying to figure out how he _did_ feel. "Uh fine – still a bit tired I guess. What time is it?"

"A few minutes after 4:00. Can I get you something?"

"I'll fix myself a cup of tea. That's about all I want."

Teresa waited while he moved to the kitchen and listened to him as he prepared his tea. She smiled at Lily, who was alternately throwing and trying to eat some soft toys. The little girl chortled and tried again to toss a tiny stuffed cat, although only managed to drop it a few inches in front of her.

Patrick came back in, two cups of tea in his hands. He placed them on the coffee table and then collapsed back onto the couch. "I made you a cup too."

"Thanks", she smiled and stood, stretching out all the kinks. Sitting down beside him on the couch she curled her legs underneath her and then reached over and slapped Jane on the shoulder.

"Ow! What did you do that for?"

"For not calling me last night", she told him. "You needed help."

"I can't just call you in the middle of the night every time Lily's sick", he said.

"Why not?"

"Why -?" he stopped, not quite sure what to say. "Uh – she's not your responsibility?" he said quietly.

"Don't be ridiculous", she snapped at him. "I love her and I – and you're my friend. I've told you, that's what friends are for."

"To look after someone else's baby when they have the stomach flu?"

"If that's what's needed, then yes. So remember _call me_ the next time."

"Okay, okay", he held up his hands in defeat. "I promise. The next time she throws up all over me and everything in the vicinity the first thing I will do is call you."

"She threw up on you?" Teresa asked sympathetically.

"Oh yeah – twice", he admitted. "It was pretty spectacular."

"Pretty disgusting!"

"Yes, that too", he shuddered. He glanced down and then back at Teresa, his expression softening. "Thank you", he told her. He leaned towards her and went to give her a gentle thank-you kiss on cheek.

Surprised at his action she moved slightly so that instead of her cheek he caught the corner of her mouth. She froze, waiting for him to pull back and apologize or make some silly joke. He did neither.

He moved to give her another kiss, but this time he didn't try for her cheek but rather went straight to her mouth. The kiss was gentle and tentative but it wasn't a thank you kiss, or a kiss to a friend. No, as soft and gentle and careful as it was, it was also the kiss from a man to a woman.

Her eyes closed and she allowed her lips to soften, to open slightly, to accept and to give in equal parts. She could feel him move closer, feel his hands grasp her shoulders and pull her nearer to him. She could feel his rough whiskers, smell his soap and sweat and the scent of tea. She wanted to smile at that – it was so him - but the desire was only fleeting, as she again immersed herself in the feel and the reality of him.

In the background she heard Lily babbling away happily and the slight sounds of the world outside. But even those faded as she allowed herself to be in the moment, in _this _moment with Patrick.

Without warning he pulled away. She got a fleeting look at the panic on his face and then he was gone. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind, as she heard his footsteps running and a door slamming.

Her hand went to her mouth and tears sprung to her eyes. What had just happened? God, what had she done? She'd _kissed_ him. It had been her fault. He'd simply wanted to thank her, as a friend, and she'd gone and moved and he'd ended up kissing her as _not_ a friend and hadn't wanted to and now he was panicking and she – _God!_ If it weren't for Lily she would run out of the apartment and find a corner to hide in and cry.

In the midst of her guilt and anguish and embarrassment and tears she heard a sound. She sniffed and held her breath, trying to hear what it was. In that moment she realized … poor Patrick. She let out a small giggle, partly of relief, partly of guilt. The poor man had caught Lily's stomach flu and was now in the bathroom throwing up.

She spared a brief thought for herself. She was probably going to get it as well after cleaning up the apartment, and especially after kissing him.

She'd just kissed Patrick – and until he'd fled – it had been the most amazing kiss she'd ever had. It hadn't been one of passion - no, it had been much deeper than that, at least to her.

She sighed and stood. She was going to have to stay and look after both Lily and Jane now. She laughed softly. This was getting to be something of a habit. She should simply suggest to him that she move in. She'd been here more than at her own house over the last couple of weeks.

She heard the toilet flush and then the water running in the bathroom. A moment later a very pale – green looking – Patrick limped out. He stopped, swaying slightly.

"I'm sorry", he murmured.

"Go and lie down", she told him briskly. "I'll get a bowl and some clean clothes. And don't worry – I'll handle everything."

"Lisbon – I -"

"Patrick, it's _okay_. Now go lie down. I'll be in in a moment."

He nodded and headed towards his room. He went to remove his t-shirt, which had suffered in the recent bout of vomiting. Unfortunately his arm and shoulder were so painful he couldn't manage. He collapsed on the side of the bed, feeling very, very sorry for himself.

He couldn't believe that he had just kissed Teresa – and _she'd definitely kissed him back_ – and then he'd gone and thrown up! God – what kind of an idiot did something like that? He groaned and closed his eyes. She was never, ever going to want to kiss him again – especially since he'd probably given her the stomach flu. She was going to hate him.

"Stop worrying Jane", her voice floated over him. "Here, let me help you change out of that shirt."

He groaned and wanted to turn over, embarrassed, humiliated and just plain mortified – besides which, he still felt sick.

"Come on", she told him gently. He felt her sit beside him on the bed and he sighed and opened his eyes. He managed to sit up, with her help and then she was undressing him.

"Oh God! Jane, you're black and blue! You need to go to the hospital and get checked. You may have broken something."

His eyes grew huge and he gasped in panic. Fortunately Teresa seemed to realize what was happening and picked up the bowl she'd left on the ground and handed it to him.

His humiliation was complete. He'd just thrown up in front of the woman he loved after she'd had to undress him – and the undressing had definitely not been romantic.

When she knew he was finished she took the bowl from him and handed him a glass of water. She then disappeared into the bathroom, returning a moment later with a clean bowl and a couple of towels, one which she'd wet in warm water. She carefully wiped him down and then dried him off. "Here, let's put a clean shirt on and then you can lie down. As soon as you're up to it I'm taking you in for some X-rays."

"Lily?" he croaked.

"She's in her travel crib with toys. I'll check on her right away. First, let's get you under the covers." She helped settle him and when she was sure he was going to be okay, at least for now, she left him to go and check on the baby.

Lily was getting hungry and cranky so she fixed her a bottle and soon the little girl was asleep. Figuring that it was better if she wasn't in Jane's room, she laid her down on the bed beside him – telling him to watch her for a second, while she moved the crib back to the guest room. Once done she got the sleeping baby and put her down in the crib.

Jane was sleeping and she was exhausted. She returned to the living room and picked up her tea. By this time it was cold so she headed to the kitchen to warm it up (Jane would shoot her for reheating tea) and to grab a bite to eat. After that she returned to the couch and sat down, sighing in relief.

Now that everyone in the house was sleeping but her, she allowed her mind to return to _the kiss_. She smiled as she remembered it and tried to figure out how to ensure that it wasn't the last one, but rather, one of a multitude – one of a lifetime of kisses from Jane.

She awoke to the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. She glanced at her watch – it was 8:30. He'd slept for a few hours at least. She got up and checked on Lily, who was sound asleep. Even though she was doing well, the little girl was still recuperating and was obviously tired out from being sick the night before. Hopefully she'd sleep well tonight.

She heard Jane return to his bedroom and went to check on him. "How are you doing?" she asked, although she didn't need to. He looked horrible.

"Okay", he said, lying down and burrowing into the covers.

"Did you drink something?" When he shook his head she went and got him a glass of water. "Drink! You don't want to get dehydrated."

"It'll come back up", he whined.

"At least there'll be something to come up", she told him. "Drink."

"Bully", he muttered as he took the glass and downed the whole thing. He then lay back down and pulled the covers up to his neck. He was shivering.

"Can I get anything else for you?" she asked, wishing there was more she could do to help.

"No. Lily okay?"

"Just fine. She's sleeping like a baby."

He laughed at that, although it sounded weak. "Good. I'm sorry -"

"Jane, if you apologize one more time I'm going to -"

"Hit me?" he said weakly, his eyes closed.

She sighed. "No – I can't hit a sick man, but I will think of something. Since I'll probably get the flu next you can simply return the favor and look after me."

"Can I undress you too?" he asked. A microsecond later his eyes flew open and he looked horribly guilty. "I'm -"

"What did I say?" she reminded him. "No more apologies. And if you want to undress me – well, first you'll have to give me a few more of those kisses! Now go to sleep. I've got everything under control."

She left, turning out the lights but leaving his door slightly ajar and the hall light on. She wandered to the couch and picked up the remote and turned on the TV. She refused to think about what she'd just said.

Patrick lay there, feeling miserable. He noticed the lights going out and heard Lisbon leave. He grew more tired and although he was feeling sore, at least the nausea had passed for now. He knew it would come back, so he'd try to sleep while he could.

He was just drifting off to sleep when he remembered her voice " – first you'll have to give me a few more of those kisses." His eyes flew open again. Did she just say that? He shook his head and licked his dry lips. He was pretty sure he hadn't imagined it. She _had_ said it. In fact, she'd implied, pretty strongly, that she wanted him to kiss her again.

Suddenly having the flu didn't seem so bad – not if he had something to look forward to at the end. He smiled and allowed his eyes to close. He'd kissed Teresa Lisbon and he was planning to do it again.


	20. Out of the Comfort Zone

She heard him get up a few times during the night, but decided not to check on him. She figured he would call if he really needed her (he'd better!) and that he'd prefer some privacy. The last time she heard him was around 5 o'clock and since then he'd been sleeping.

Lily woke up at 6:30 and she fed, dressed and played with the little girl. At around 9:30 the baby fell asleep for her morning nap and Teresa then had a chance to shower. It was as she was getting dressed that she heard Jane up again.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked as she came out of the guest room and saw him padding back to his bed.

He was looking pretty wild. His hair was a mess – half sticking up, half plastered to his head. He was pale and had sheet marks across his face and his clothes looked like he'd been sweating. Even looking like hell he gave her a small smile.

"Better", he said. "I think the worst is over."

"Good. Let me make you some tea and maybe a piece of toast?"

He thought for a moment and then nodded. "Thanks. I'm going to shower and change first."

As he headed back into his room all he could think about was the fact that this was becoming a terrible habit. In the last couple of weeks Teresa had done practically nothing but look after him. He couldn't remember ever being this sick before, and certainly not twice in a row.

Actually, he frowned, that wasn't quite true. He thought back to when Charlotte was little and remembered how often either he or Angela had caught colds from the little girl. He remembered Angela saying it was normal and that it would get better when she got older.

Well, it had gotten better, but not because she'd gotten older. All of a sudden his knees grew weak and he stumbled against the dresser, a horrible feeling of pain and loss washing over him.

He managed to make it to the bed and lay down, overwhelmed by the feelings of intense grief, something he hadn't felt for a while. He instinctively knew it was because he was sick and weak and having a harder time than normal dealing with his emotions as a result, but that didn't really matter. All he knew was he wanted to curl up and forget everything. Again, that wasn't something he had experienced in a while.

"_Jane_!" He could hear Teresa rush up to him and kneel down on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay? Are you sick again?" She went to grab the bowl but when she saw him shake his head she put it down. He felt her hand on his forehead, and then move towards his hair, gently putting her fingers through it. He didn't say anything.

"Hey, what is it?" she asked more gently. She was surprised to hear him sniff, and then even more startled when the tears began to flow out of his eyes and down his cheeks. She couldn't remember him ever being this openly emotional.

"Patrick? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Charlotte didn't grow up", he choked out.

"Oh my dear", she murmured and continued to stroke his head, wondering where this was coming from all of a sudden. When he turned his face into her she couldn't help it – she climbed up beside him and put her arms around him and held him tight.

She knew that he was sick and weak and that something must have set him off. She also realized how much grief he still carried with him. He hid it so well she sometimes forgot. She wished she could do something, anything to help, but all she could do was hold him while he cried.

She didn't know how long they stayed that way, although she could feel her muscles start to cramp. Still, she wasn't about to move until Jane let her know he was going to be okay. For now he needed her and so here she would remain.

He sniffed again and she could feel him move slightly. After a moment he spoke.

"I smell", he stated.

She laughed softly. "Well, you are a bit fragrant, although I honestly didn't notice until you just mentioned it."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Are you feeling okay now?"

"Mmm", he answered, which really didn't tell her anything. "Sorry about this", he said, this time referring to his breakdown, rather than his smell.

"Jane", she sighed. "What did I tell you about apologizing?"

He moved a bit more until he was looking at her out of the one eye that was visible. "Lisbon, you've nursed me through a cold, come with me to Vegas to check on Johnson, babysat Lily countless times for me and nursed me through the stomach flu – hell, I practically threw up on you", he hissed. "And then I just – just _blubbered_ all over you. Of course I owe you an apology."

She noticed that he didn't mention the kiss, for which she was grateful. She figured if he'd apologized for that she would have taken the bowl and hit him over the head with it. Still, she had to wonder what he _did_ think about it and whether or not he regretted it. She sighed. Now wasn't the time to worry about the kiss.

"First", she told him, "you're my friend and I was – _am_ – glad to help. So I nursed you through a cold – so what. I got to spend time with and grow to love Lily – so ditto for the babysitting. Going to Vegas wasn't a big deal. I want to help you and if a crime was committed I also want to discover that and get the guy or guys responsible. As for the stomach flu, you _didn't_ throw up on me and I didn't have to do much other than watch Lily while you were sick, so it wasn't a big deal. _Finally_, as far as the blubbering, as you call it", her voice grew gentle, "you are welcome to do that anytime. I'm honored that you trusted me enough to let go. I know how much you loved your daughter and that you still grieve for her. Please don't apologize for letting me see that."

He didn't move for a second but then he sighed. She could feel his hand moving and the next thing she knew he had grasped hers and squeezed it. He then moved so that he was facing her and again reached out and pulled her to him.

"If I can't say sorry, then _thank you_", he whispered. After a moment he pulled back, self-consciously rubbing the dampness from his cheeks. "Uh, I'm going to shower now."

"Good", she said briskly, standing up. "You'll feel better. And I'm going to go make that tea."

He nodded, although he didn't speak. It wasn't until she was gone that he stood up, feeling oddly calm, although still weak and exhausted. He made his way slowly to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

"There", she set down a cup of tea and a plate of toast in front of him. He was sitting at the kitchen table, freshly washed and dressed in a pair of clean sweatpants and a t-shirt. He was still pale but looked much better than a few minutes ago. His hair was also neatly combed, although she noticed that when wet it lost some of it's curl.

"Where did you get your curls from?" she asked suddenly, not thinking about what she was saying.

He choked on his tea and set his cup down, his lips curving up slightly. "My curls?"

"Yes", she said sharply, "your curly hair."

"I know what you meant – I was just – you've never asked me anything like that before."

She shrugged, still looking at him seriously although a grin was trying to escape. "Well, you never almost threw up on me before."

He immediately uncomfortable but then after a moment he grinned. "The key word being _almost_", he told her. "That doesn't count."

"Mmm – you're changing the subject."

He sighed. "My mother had curly hair. She always complained about it – said she could never get it to do what she wanted it to do. She always wished for long, straight hair." He stared at her hair for a moment, without seeming to realize what he was doing.

"But curly hair is beautiful", she managed to say after a moment. Jane's look had been – interesting, although she couldn't quite read it. "I always wanted curls."

He shrugged again and took a sip of tea. "We always want what we don't have, I guess."

Wasn't that the truth, she thought, suddenly feeling sad. "Did Charlotte -" she stopped, wondering suddenly what had gotten into her. "I'm sorry", she almost gasped.

He blinked and looked down again. "Did she have curly hair?" he asked softly. "Yes. It was long and curly. Angela didn't want to cut it. It was – beautiful."

She reached across the table and took his hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"It's okay. I'll – show you her picture some day – a picture from when she was older."

"Thank you."

Silence descended on the kitchen after that. Jane ate few bites of toast but still wasn't particularly hungry. He knew he should probably go to bed and try and sleep again, but was strangely hesitant to leave. As painful as the morning had been in some respects, in others it had been strangely therapeutic. Thinking about Charlotte always brought pain – talking about her relieved it.

"So, what do you think we should do now – about Johnson I mean?" Lisbon asked, looking at him carefully. She wanted to tell him to go to bed, but was enjoying just sitting here with him.

Jane took a deep breath. "The letter", he said sharply, suddenly remembering it.

"The letter?"

"Yes. Danny's letter to me. I was going to re-read it and see if there was something I missed. Let me get it."

She followed him out of the kitchen and back into his bedroom. He pulled open the night table and grabbed a book – it looked almost like a journal. He opened it and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

Suddenly he swayed and then sagged onto the bed. He sat there for a moment, not moving.

"You need to sleep", she told him quietly. "Lie down. We can look at the letter later."

He nodded and pulled his feet up onto the bed. She could almost hear him groan as he did so. "Here", he handed her the letter. "Read it and see if you can figure anything out."

"Me? But you're better at that sort of thing than I am."

"Mmm – but you know you're looking for something and can probably be more objective than me. Just ignore all the – stuff", he mumbled, almost incoherent with exhaustion.

She took the letter and watched him until he was breathing slowly and deeply, lost in sleep. She finally reached down and pulled the covers over him and then returned to the living room.

Making her way to the couch she glanced down at the piece of paper in her hand. She couldn't help but grin, wondering what _stuff_ he was referring to. She opened the letter.

_Dear Patrick,_

_If you are reading this it means I am dead. That sounds like such a cliché but in this case it's the truth. You will have also found out about Emma and Lily. Again, if you're reading this it means Em is gone too, but hopefully, I pray, that Lily is all right._

_I'm sorry I didn't tell you I got married. I wanted to – I meant to – but somehow all I could think about was how unfair it was that I was happy, that I'd found someone and you were still suffering over losing Angie and Charlie. I did take Emma and Lily to the cemetery and told them both about my big sister and about Charlotte. I hope you don't mind._

_So, you're probably wondering why I made you guardian to my daughter. I did it because she is the most precious thing in the world to me – the best thing I have ever done – and I knew, if there was anyone who would love her and look after her and make sure she was safe, it was you. I know you blame yourself Patrick – and for a while I did too – but what happened to Angela and Charlotte wasn't your fault. It was the fault of a horrible, evil man, and I'm glad you killed the bastard!_

_You were a wonderful husband – Angela told me how much you loved her and how happy she was. And, you were an amazing father. I know you will be the same with my Lily. You see Patrick – even after everything, there's no one I trust more._

_Please tell Lily about me and about Emma. She was an orphan, and (_and here the words were scratched out and Teresa couldn't read them) _there's __no one__remaining in her family who will love and care for Lily. It means a lot to us to know you will keep her safe. Whatever you do, don't go all noble and decide to let someone else raise her. She needs to know about the Ruskins and her heritage._

_We've left a few things to keep and give to Lily when she's older. Especially important is an old family Bible that belonged to Emma's family. Guard it carefully as it will mean a lot to her in the future._

_Thank you Patrick. Give Lily a kiss from me and from Em and tell her we'll always love her._

_Danny_

She stared for a moment at the letter – realizing that the _stuff_ Patrick was referring to was Danny's obvious trust and respect. She knew Jane well enough to know that he probably had trouble believing it or accepting either. She shook her head – realizing how good a man Jane was, and how hard he tried to deny it and hide it.

So – the family Bible. Surely Patrick must have looked through it to see what was inside. His nature was too curious, too nosey to let things go and the letter must have tweaked something, although he seemed to have no idea what it could be. It may have been that he was too emotional, too distraught to pay attention. Still, she ought to look again, just to make sure. The problem was, she had no idea where it would be. She'd have to wait for Jane to wake up.

She wondered if Danny had had any idea that he was in danger. The fact that he'd made a will and left the letter for Patrick showed careful planning – something she didn't necessarily equate with Danny Ruskin. Although to be fair, to be a good conman you must have a flair for some kind of planning – look at Jane.

She snorted softly. Jane's plans were often crazy, by the seat of your pants kinds of things and she rather suspected Danny might have been much the same.

As she sat in the living room thinking about things she realized they hadn't touched base with Cho. She picked up the phone.

Lily woke up a while later and she changed her and gave her a bottle. Glancing outside she decided to take the little girl for a walk. It was a beautiful day and she needed to get some fresh air.

Jane woke up and stretched. He was feeling much better and decidedly hungry. He got out of bed, noticing how quiet it was, and made his way to the living room.

Teresa wasn't around so he made his way to Lily's room. She wasn't in her crib and he felt a momentary sense of panic. What if something had happened to them? He thought about Johnson and the Ruskins and felt the nausea returning. This time it wasn't the flu but fear, which was causing his stomach to churn.

Just then he heard the key turn in the lock and he rushed back out to the main room, to see Teresa pushing the stroller through the door.

He bent over, his hands on his knees, feeling weak with relief. He had to close his eyes a moment and try and regroup. He should have known everything was fine.

"We just went for a walk to the playground", Teresa said as she lifted the baby from the stroller. She hadn't noticed Patrick's reaction and so he quickly stood and put a smile on his face.

"Did you have fun?" he asked, although he grimaced at how wobbly his voice sounded. Hopefully Teresa would think it was because he'd been sick.

"We did", she smiled. "Lily certainly likes the swings. One of your neighbors had a puppy and she loved looking at it. She laughed like crazy when it came up to her and licked her."

He smiled, wishing he could have seen that. He walked over and held out his arms, needing to hold his little girl. He'd been sick so much he felt like he hadn't spent enough time with her.

"I spoke to Cho", she told him awhile later as he sat on the couch playing with Lily

"Did he find out anything?" he asked curiously.

"It turns out the Atlanta police were investigating Johnson Trucking. They suspected them of transporting illegal goods but eventually the investigation was stopped when they didn't find anything. According to Cho, the police are sure they're involved in _something_ illegal, but without more to go on there's nothing they can do."

"He's doing something illegal alright, I can feel it."

"Oh, by the way, I read the letter."

"And?" he asked curiously.

"Well, he mentions the family Bible. Did you check it out?"

Patrick nodded, looking slightly discouraged. "Yes. I looked through it but there was nothing inside. I even check out the inside cover but there was nothing. I looked through all the rest of their things, but there was nothing interesting."

Teresa thought for a moment. "I don't know, I feel like there should be _something_ – why else mention the Bible? Was Danny a religious man?" she asked suddenly.

"_Danny_?" he snorted softly. "I think he was a believer – his parents were devout Catholics and both Angela and he were raised in the church. She certainly believed in God, although she wasn't particularly religious. I expect Danny was similar."

"Can I look at the Bible?" she asked. "Is it valuable?"

He stood and made his way to his bedroom. He returned a few minutes later holding a thick book in his hands. "No, he answered finally. "It's only value is a sentimental one. It's not even that old."

"May I?" she asked, holding out her hand. She took the book and examined it carefully, not really expecting to find anything. If there had been Jane would have discovered it."

"You were right. There's nothing hidden in here." She sighed. "So why is it important."

"Maybe we've been thinking of this in the wrong way?" He had that gleam in his eye which always slightly worried her.

"The wrong way?"

"Yes. What if there isn't anything _tangible_ in the bible. What if it's a clue?"

"A clue?" she asked, her brows lifted. "Uh, how are you going to find a clue in there? It's a huge book and you don't even know where to start."

Jane stared at the Bible for a few minutes, a frown marring his face. Abruptly though, his expression changed and the twinkle reappeared. He reached out and took it from Lisbon with a small "_thanks"_. He then flipped it open and began to search.

Unable to tame her curiosity she tried looking over his shoulder but he just grinned and moved the book. After a few minutes of searching he let out a small huff of air and held the open bible out to her.

She looked down at the page but didn't see anything special and frowned up at him. "What? I don't see anything."

He placed his index finger on the chapter heading. DANIEL. His finger then trailed down the page until it lighted on a word with a very faint line underneath. It was so faint she wouldn't have seen it if he hadn't have pointed it out.

"How did you even know there was a book by the name of Daniel?" she asked, shaking her head. "You're not even religious."

"Doesn't mean I don't know the books of the Bible", he told her.

"All of them?" She didn't know why she even bothered to ask. Of _course_ he knew them. "Okay, so you know them. But _why_ do you know them?"

"Catholic School", he told her. "I got extra points for memorizing them."

"You went to Catholic School", she asked, surprised. He'd never mentioned that in all the years she'd known him, even though she'd talked about her own experiences in a parochial school.

"With a name like Jane?" he asked. "My parents were good Irish Catholics. Although to be honest I only went a couple of years. Most of the time it was to public school or I was home schooled."

"But you never believed in God or the Church?" she asked softly. They'd talked before about religion, but she'd always assumed that he'd grown up without any religious education or background and now she found out he was Catholic. She wondered why he'd kept if from her.

"At one time I did", he said seriously. He then reached out and took the Bible. "Let's figure this out", he told her, clearly changing he subject. She suspected she'd hit a sore point and knew enough not to push it, even though she was still curious.

They worked on the code for the next hour. Most of the work was done by Jane and this allowed her to daydream a bit.

Teresa had watched him as he worked through the code and her mind flipped back to the kiss. They hadn't referred to it even once and she was pretty sure Jane was planning on forgetting about it completely. She didn't know quite what to do or to say. She wanted to understand what had brought it on and whether there was any hope for more, but she didn't know how to ask him. She sighed, knowing that now probably wasn't the time anyway.

If not now _when _she asked herself. There had been _something_ between them for years – what exactly she couldn't say. Maybe it was just a deep friendship or maybe it was some kind of interdependence, but whatever it was it continued to go unnamed and unacknowledged. And the problem was, she no longer wanted it to remain as it had been. She wanted things to change. She just didn't know how.

"Okay, here we go", Patrick looked up and smiled, although a moment later the smile had faded and he was looking at her with a quizzical expression in his eyes. "What is it?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

Teresa was naturally a cautious person. Partly it was because of her childhood – one of turmoil and dysfunction. She needed order in her life and a measure of surety. That was one of the reasons that law enforcement had appealed. There were rules and procedures and laws, all things she could follow. Innovation and creativity were generally frowned upon and for that she had been grateful. Yes, she was cautious, but it was a way not to get hurt and that was something for which she worked hard.

Until Patrick Jane had pushed his way into her life. Patrick was _not_ about order or caution. In fact, was just the opposite. He was a whirlwind, an operator an innovator. He took people by surprise; he tried new things, he wasn't afraid to experiment. He also wasn't afraid to drag her along with him on his adventures. And the funny thing was, she enjoyed it.

Patrick was still looking at her with concern. She realized she'd zoned out for another few good moments and pulled herself back to the present. Hell, Patrick could be open and spontaneous so why couldn't she? She took a deep breath.

"Why did you kiss me?"


	21. The Wrong Answer

_**Wow - how time flies when you're eating, drinking, making merry, opening presents, playing with the new cat, feeding your children and your husband, etc. etc. I hadn't realized how long it's been since I updated - my sincere apologies and I promise not to let so much time go by again.**_

_**Thank you SO much for all the wonderful reviews. A special thank you to those people who 'tweak' me - and ask me to get off my butt and update (of course they are much nicer about it). It really does help motivate me to write again.**_

_**So - this is a short chapter, only because there seemed to be a natural break in it but I am working on the next installment the moment I post this. I might even post tonight.**_

_**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. HERE'S TO 8 MORE AMAZING EPISODES (didn't you just love 7 05 - loved that last scene and Jane's "I am happy for the first time in you know how long". Sigh.)**_

If it hadn't been for the fact that her heart was thudding like a jackhammer and she felt slightly sick, she would have laughed. It was a rare sight to see Patrick looking like a deer in the headlights, but that's exactly how he appeared moments after her question.

She could see him swallow, or try to swallow and waited for the words which would either give her hope, or send her spirit plummeting. She discovered, at that moment, that _her_ ability to swallow – hell, to _breathe_ – was severely restricted.

"What?" he asked, his voice husky.

She closed her eyes. Did he really want her to say it again? "I asked why you – kissed me."

"Oh. Well, you know." His expression changed – from surprised, shocked, stunned to his more usual smiling, seemingly 'not a care in the world' look. She knew it was a front, she'd learned that years ago, but it did a fine job of making others underestimate him, or in this case, not know what he was really thinking.

"No, I don't", she told him bluntly. "That's why I asked."

His eyes dropped, the façade dropping slightly. "Well – you're an attractive woman and I was feeling weak and you'd been so helpful with Lily -"

"So, it was a gratitude kiss?" she asked, her heart sinking.

"_No_! I mean, sort of – but more than that."

"More than that?" she pushed. She watched as he opened his mouth and licked his lips. His eyes flickered up and met hers briefly. She could see him take a deep breath, as if ready to tell her, when Lily's cry sounded from the other room.

It was the first time, since she'd met the baby, that she found herself wishing Lily wasn't around. Damn it! She watched as Patrick retreated – not physically, but emotionally. The baby had destroyed the moment.

"Uh, I'd better -" he motioned with his head towards the bedroom.

She nodded and stepped back. "Yes, you'd better get her." She watched as he walked away, wondering if anything had changed. It hit her then, that if he wanted things to change he'd had his opportunity. She suspected that he felt something for her, but that he wasn't willing to act on it. Having Lily in his life was probably all he was able to handle – he wasn't ready for a relationship, probably would never be ready. She sighed and for the first time wondered if she'd made a mistake with Marcus.

Jane cursed himself all the way to the bedroom. _Why_ hadn't he just told her? Why hadn't he admitted that he had feelings for her, that he loved her? He knew why. It was because he was a coward, a coward who hated himself and who felt she could do so much better with someone else.

All his wonderful plans had been thrown out of the window at the moment she'd asked about the kiss. All he'd needed to do was admit the truth to her, it had been the perfect opportunity. But instead he'd gotten scared and now he'd lost his chance.

But had he? He reached in to the crib and picked up the crying baby. "Hey baby", he kissed her forehead and jiggled her until she calmed down. He then took her to the change table to put a clean diaper on her. All the while he was thinking. All he had to do was go out and tell Teresa the truth. It shouldn't be hard. The fact was she'd asked about the kiss, which seemed to indicate she must have _some_ feelings for him – didn't it?

He sighed and lifted the baby. "Let's go see Auntie Teresa, Lily."

He walked into the living room, to find Teresa going over the notebook where they'd jotted down the clues. "Find anything?" he asked hesitatingly.

She looked up and gave the baby a smile – he noticed that she wouldn't look at him – and then she answered. "Well, I've got some of it figured out, but it doesn't really make a lot of sense."

"Tell me", he said, sitting on the couch next to her and holding Lily, who wanted to reach out and grab Auntie Teresa's hair. Teresa was suddenly – very much in FBI mode and he knew now was not the time to readdress the kiss. He hoped there would be a time, but he was losing confidence as the minutes ticked by.

"Okay, here it goes", she said, and Jane had to refocus on what she was saying although at the moment he couldn't have cared less about Johnson and the Bible clues.

Lisbon continued. "Like I said, it doesn't seem to make much sense but this is what I got from the clues. "So this is it. It's nice – go figure. And hey, who knows for sure, maybe they're up there right now, looking down at us. Annie is saying 'lighten up you dummies'. Remember brother, guilt is for marks and x marks the spot." Teresa lifted her head and looked at Patrick, who sat staring straight ahead, his eyes awash with tears. "Jane?"

He shook his head and then stood. He held Lily close and walked to the window where he stayed as if frozen.

"Patrick? What is it? Do you understand what this means?" But of course he did, otherwise he wouldn't be looking the way he did.

"Yes", he said softly. "We have to go to California", he told her. "At least I do – you don't have to come."

"But why? Where are we going?"

He turned to her and gave her a small smile. "He told us in his letter. He visited Angie and Charlotte to introduce Lily to them."

"What?" she looked at him in confusion, but then it dawned on her. "At the cemetery?" she whispered.

He nodded. "Yeah. The clues – it's a conversation we had when I took him to their graves the last time I saw him, except he added that last part–that tells me he's buried something there. He also added 'brother' – I guess to tell me this was directed to me."

"Are you okay?" she asked, standing and walking to him.

"Yeah", he stood up straight and smiled at her. "I'm fine – sorry."

"No need to apologize. This must be hard."

"Yeah – well", he shrugged and pursed his lips in that way he did when he was uncomfortable but didn't want anyone to know. "I gotta see about a plane ticket. Thank you for your help Teresa."

"Jane, you can't go by yourself!"

"I can't ask you to go Teresa. You've already done enough. I'll be fine."

She nodded, not wanting to push it, not after the embarrassment of the kiss and her question. She had a feeling that Jane was now uncomfortable around her and needed some space. She decided then and there to give it to him, even if she didn't like the idea of him going to California by himself.

"Okay, but let me know if you change your mind. Uh, when will you go?"

"As soon as I can make the arrangements."

"But you just got over the flu! And what about Lily?"

"I'm okay and by tomorrow I'll be totally fine. And Lily will come with me. Don't worry – it will just be a short visit. Teresa, thank you again – for all your help."

She gave him a small smile, hearing his words as his way of telling her he didn't need her anymore. "You're welcome. Remember, that's what friends are for."

"Of course. And if ever you need help, just call, okay? I owe you a lot."

"You don't owe me anything." She looked down at the baby and smiled, turning her attention away from Jane. She needed to leave because she didn't know how long she was going to be able to hang on.

"Here, let me take her", he said. You need to go home and relax and forget about Lily and me for a while. We've taken up enough of your time."

She gathered her things and gave the baby a kiss – and another smile for Jane – and in a few minutes was gone. The tears started as soon as she got in her car and continued all the way home.

She would have felt better if she could have seen Patrick's face after she left – and _much_ better if she had heard his words.

"What have I done Lily", he whispered, his lips pressed to the baby's soft scalp. "What have I done? I think I just lost her."

Teresa arrived home and wiped her face before getting out of her car. The last thing she needed was for her neighbors to see her with tears running down her cheeks, especially Mrs. O'Donovan, who was nosy and who had already asked why she didn't see 'that nice dark haired man' anymore.

She made it inside and leaned up against her door for a moment to gather herself together. She then walked to the couch and collapsed onto it, not sure what to do with herself.

It was a few minutes before she saw the light blinking on her telephone. Someone had called in her absence and had left a message. She frowned and took out her cell phone, only to realize the ringer had been turned off. There was a message waiting for her there as well.

Wondering who it could be she picked up her phone and put in the code.

"_Teresa? Hi, it's Marcus. I was – uh – wondering if you were around and would like to get together for coffee? I'm in town for a deposition and I'd love to see you. No pressure – really. It's just – I missed you. Give me a call if you get this and you'd like to meet."_

She stared at the phone for a few minutes, frozen with indecision. Finally, with a small sigh she picked up the phone and dialed.

"Marcus? Hi, it's Teresa. I got your message and yes, I'd love to meet you."


	22. The Question Revisited

_**So I MUST deserve brownie points (or cookies or lots of reviews) for doing two chapters in one evening (although technically in two different years).**_

She met Marcus at the little restaurant he had often taken her to after a tough day at work. She loved the fact that it was small and quiet and that it was run by the loveliest Vietnamese couple. She also loved the fact that it served some of the best food in Austin.

She wondered briefly what Jane would think of it. He always enjoyed trying new restaurants.

"Hey Teresa!" Marcus was waiting for her at what she's once called _their_ table. There was a brief moment of discomfort as he stood and looked as if he was going to embrace her. Instead he reached down and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for coming."

"My pleasure", she smiled and sat down. Giang, approached the table with a big smile. It was she and her husband Hien who owned the restaurant.

"You are back Miss Teresa", Giang said. "We missed you."

"I've been busy at work", she lied. "It's nice to be back. I missed your cooking!"

Giang laughed and handed her the menu. She gave Marcus a wink and then headed back to the kitchen.

"Is it?" he asked.

"Is it what?" she replied, looking confused.

"Nice to be back – here, with me?"

Well, he certainly got to the point, she had to grant him that. He was much different than Jane, who rarely gave a clear and direct answer to a question and spoke in riddles and incomplete ideas. He couldn't even tell her why he'd kissed her for god's sake.

"Teresa?" Marcus looked at her quizzically.

"Sorry", she gave him a sheepish smile. "Of course it's nice to see you", she said. "And I love this restaurant.

He looked slightly disappointed at her reply, but he definitely wasn't giving up. He spent the rest of the evening trying to charm her. He was kind and funny and sincere and she kept wondering if she'd made a mistake by breaking it off with him. He was such a nice man.

"So, what have you been up to?" he asked finally, after telling her about his new job.

"Oh – not much. I took a bit of time off work."

"Why? Is everything okay?"

"Fine. It was Jane's little girl. He was sick and needed someone to watch her, so I did. She's a sweetheart."

He nodded, although he didn't smile. She could tell he didn't like the thought of her babysitting Lily, which, for some reason, irritated her. "He doesn't have anyone else", she defended.

"Teresa, I know Jane is your friend and I honor you for taking that seriously and for helping him. He's very lucky to have a child in his life after what happened to him and very lucky to have you as a friend." He stopped there and looked at her kindly.

Damn it – why did he have to be so _nice_? She was counting on him to be his usual snarky self when it came to Jane, but it appeared as if he had learned and was being kind and understanding. She wanted to scream.

"So how is he doing?" he asked.

"He's okay", she said, "I think I told you that the baby's uncle is suing for custody. We've been trying to help him."

"Help him how?"

"Well, it looks like there might be something suspicious with the uncle. He runs a trucking company and the police think it's been involved in illegal activities."

"Smuggling?"

"Yes, although of what we don't know. We also suspect he may have been involved in the deaths of the baby's parents." She went on to tell him a little about their suspicions.

Marcus immediately went into professional mode and began to think up scenarios. He was very familiar with the world of smuggling and was able to offer some valuable insights. He also appeared very willing to help out. She worried briefly about that, but then figured it was worth it if it meant Jane would be able to keep Lily.

They stayed out quite late that evening and she had to admit that she'd had a good time. Marcus had always been good company and was a real gentleman. She also appreciated his willingness to help with Jane's case. When he said goodbye she was even willing to allow him to kiss her – although it was again only a gentle kiss on the cheek.

As she made her way back to her house she again wondered if she'd made a mistake. Marcus would clearly like to get back together with her. Should she consider it?

Then she thought of Jane – of his expression when he'd realized where the clues led. She thought of him looking after Lily – how much he loved the little girl. And finally she thought about that kiss. She'd felt more in those few seconds – before he'd run off to throw up – than she had with any of Marcus' kisses.

She slammed her front door and walked to the bedroom where she threw off her clothes, dressed in her pajamas, brushed her teeth and climbed into bed. She still had no idea what the hell she should do.

She punched her pillow, wishing it would turn into Jane – no Marcus – no Jane. Hell, she didn't know _who_ she wanted to punch more – Jane for causing this endless round of hesitation and doubt and longing – or Marcus, for offering her a comfortable, normal life with a nice man.

"Aaargh!" she screamed. "_Men!_"Maybe she should forget about them completely and do what her Aunt Agnes had wanted and become a nun. Their lives seemed so much simpler.

She wasn't the only one tossing and turning that night. Jane couldn't sleep either. Of course with him insomnia wasn't unusual, although this time it wasn't grief or guilt that caused him to stay awake – it was disgust – at himself. _Why_ hadn't he answered her? Damn it. He was such a coward.

But the question was, did he still have a chance? Could he redeem himself? What if he picked up the phone and called her and told her that he'd kissed her because he loved her. What would she say?

That you were a fool and she thought of you as a friend.

Okay, that was one possibility. But there was also the possibility that she could return his feelings. She could tell him that she felt the same.

Unlikely. Who would possibly love someone as screwed up as him? He wasn't exactly a prize in the relationship market. A man who'd spent ten years of his life searching for a serial killer and grieving the loss of his wife and daughter. And let's not even talk about the fact that most of his life had been spent as a conman – a charlatan. He didn't have anything good to show for his life – not like someone like Marcus Pike, who was a good, honorable – BORING man.

Could he really allow Teresa to spend the rest of her life being bored?

And who are you to _allow_ Teresa to do anything. She doesn't need your permission. In fact, she'd probably do better without you in her life period. He hadn't exactly been good for her career so far.

Now that wasn't _quite_ true. She was working for the FBI because of him – and she said she loved it. She'd had the highest closure rate of any CBI team when they'd been in California. So okay, she'd lost that job because of him.

Don't be so arrogant Patrick. She'd lost that job because of the Blake Association. He'd just happened to bring that to light and she got caught in the glare.

Back to the question at hand: should he stay out of her life, as much as possible, and support her decision to marry a guy who would probably be good to her but would give her a life of predictability and little or no wonder or adventure?

Or should he tell her how he felt and offer her – what?

What did he have to offer her? A small apartment, a man with no real career who was basically indentured to the FBI, a man with a past? A man who had killed out of revenge and spent his life lying to people?

How could he do that to someone as wonderful as Teresa Lisbon?

Because he _could_ offer her something. He could offer her challenge and adventure and trying new things and reaching her full potential. He could give her _herself_ – the Teresa who was inside but was afraid to come out because of her past. He could also give her his love. And although he wasn't a whole man anymore – Red John had seen to that – at least he knew he would always be faithful to her and would forever cherish her.

He continued to go back and forth, all night, wondering what to do. A few times he even picked up the phone, but put it down again before finishing dialing. He hated being so indecisive. It wasn't something he was used to. He usually went straight ahead for what he wanted, be damned of the consequences. But now the consequences meant something – they meant everything.

For there was no way he would ever want to hurt Lisbon. She meant too much – _she_ meant everything.

By the time morning came he was exhausted and yet no nearer to resolving what he should do. He got Lily up and dressed her and decided to take her into daycare that day. He was too tired and too confused to be good for her and he needed to get some things done. She needed a calm and regular environment and she seemed to love the ladies at the daycare.

After dropping her off he returned home to check on flights. He also called his lawyer to find out what was happening with Johnson and the custody case. He was told the hearing was now going to be in a week and that Johnson's lawyer had arranged to bring in an expert who would speak to the importance of actual blood ties.

Jane hung up the phone feeling even more discouraged. He had to find something on the bastard before the hearing or he was in real danger of losing Lily. He couldn't let that happen – especially since he knew that the man was guilty of something. He was pretty sure the man was guilty of smuggling but even worse than that, Patrick was sure he was guilty of murder.

It was as he was sitting there, contemplating how he could run away with Lily if need be, that the phone rang. He glanced down and saw that it was Teresa and he laughed at himself when his heart immediately sped up.

"Hi."

"_Hey Jane. How are you this morning?"_

"Fine. What's up?"

"_Well, I wanted to tell you that I spoke with Marcus last night and he is checking some things out on the smuggling angle. He has some good contacts and thinks he may have some leads into Johnson Trucking. He told me there was an investigation done a year or so ago which may have tied in with them. Anyway, I thought I should let you know since it's the first positive lead we've had on them."_

So much for thinking he should tell Teresa the truth. "Uh, I thought Pike was in DC?" was all he could think of to say.

"_He's back in town for a deposition. He uh – called to say hi."_

"Okay. How's he doing?"

"_Fine. He's enjoying his new job. Uh – did you make the arrangements yet to fly to California?"_

"Yeah, I booked a flight tomorrow morning at 9:00 am. I dropped Lily off at daycare this morning so I could get everything ready."

"_Good – well, are you sure you can do this alone? I mean, maybe someone should go with you?"_

"I'll be fine. And anyway, I'm sure you'll want to spend some time with Pike since he's in town." Jane closed his eyes – way to be subtle Patrick, he grimaced.

There was silence on the other end of the phone and Jane felt rather sick. He took a deep breath. "Sorry – I'm just tired. I'll be fine. I'll give you a call when I get back."

"_Okay_", she said softly. "_I'm – I'll let you know if Marcus finds out anything_."

"Great – thanks. Talk to you soon." He slowly hung up the phone. Well, he had his answer. He was pretty sure that Pike had returned, hoping to get Teresa back – and he probably would. In fact, maybe he already had.

He threw a book across the room and stood up. Damn it all to hell! For the first time in a long, long time he wished he'd taken that pistol and ended it after killing Red John. Life sometimes still seemed not worth all the pain.

Just then he looked down to see a small toy of Lily's that had dropped to the ground. He took a deep breath. How could he think that life wasn't worth living – not when he had her in his life? He might have lost Teresa, but he sure as hell wasn't about to lose Lily.

Teresa sat on her couch, staring at her phone for the longest time. There had been something in Jane's voice – something that bothered her. She knew he didn't like Marcus but this had been something more. It was almost as if she could hear a level of despair that she'd rarely heard from him. It had come out occasionally, when he couldn't contain his grief and guilt – but usually he was able to hide it, to dissemble, to put on a front. But this time – it was as if he was too tired to do so.

What the hell was going on? Why couldn't they just _talk _to one another and be honest?

Because that would open their hearts to hurt and anguish, and both of them had experienced too much of that in their lives. Oh Jane had experienced much more and so was understandably wary, but she too had been hurt – and was terrified of being hurt again.

But you're already hurt, she said to herself. You're in love with the man – have been for a long time – and yet you aren't doing anything about it.

She _had_ asked about the kiss. But then you let him get away with not really answering, she castigated herself. She could have forced him to be honest but she'd been frightened, just like him.

So what was she going to do? She had to make a decision, and quickly, before things got so screwed up there was no turning back.

Just then her phone rang. Hoping it was Jane she picked it up, to see M. Pike in the window. She sighed. "Marcus, hi."

"_Hey Teresa, I was wondering if you had time to meet for lunch?"_

"Do you have some information on Johnson Trucking?"

"_I have some enquiries out, but nothing back yet. I just thought it might be nice to grab a bite to eat. I'm probably here for only a few more days."_

"I'm sorry Marcus, I can't. I have a number of things I have to get done this afternoon. But thanks for asking and thank you for checking into Johnson Trucking for me. Just give me a call if you find out anything. Jane is appreciative too. Maybe we can both take you out for a drink before you head back?"

She could tell, from the small pause, that Marcus got what she was saying. To give him credit he was terribly gracious about the whole thing and told her he'd be in touch.

After her call with Marcus she immediately picked up the phone. She had a lot to do.

Jane got up the next morning early and got Lily ready for their trip to California. He hadn't really allowed himself to think about it too much, although he knew it was probably going to be emotional. It shouldn't be because, as he's said to Danny years ago, Charlotte and Angela weren't in the cemetery. Still, seeing their names on those stones brought everything back. He was just glad Lily was going to be with him.

He called a cab and they made their way to the airport. He got through security easily- Lily charmed the TSA agents and soon they were in the waiting area.

He got to board early – one of the benefits of travelling with an infant – and settled into his seat. He made sure everything was set up to entertain Lily on the flight to LA, a little worried because she wasn't always the best traveller. Fortunately there was an empty seat beside him. He hoped it would remain that way.

Just as they were about to close the doors the last few passengers got on. He wasn't paying any attention as he was getting Lily's bottle out. It seemed to help her to suck on it as the plane took off. It was then that he heard an 'excuse me' and looked up to see Teresa standing there.

"What -?" He wasn't quite sure what he was seeing. "Uh what are you doing here?"

"Trying to sit down", she told him with a smile. "If you'll let me?"

"Uh – yeah." He moved his legs so that she could get by. Lily saw her and laughed and held out her arms. Little traitor! He watched as Teresa got settled, putting her bag under the seat in front and doing up her seatbelt. When she was done she sat back and looked at Jane.

"Hi."

"Hi. Teresa, what are you doing here?"

"I'm going to California with you", she told him calmly.

"But - I said I didn't need you to come. It's not fair to you to have to travel again for me."

"Well, you were wrong. You _do_ need me, and what's not fair about it? I haven't been back to California in a while and I'll enjoy the trip."

He stared at her for a moment, not quite sure what to say.

"Just say 'thank you Teresa, I'm glad to have your company'", she told him with a grin.

At that he allowed himself to relax. "Thank you Teresa, I'm – _we're_ glad to have your company."

"Very good. Now, let's get this little girl settled. If I remember correctly, she doesn't much like take-offs or landings."

"No. Hey, how did you get the seat next to me?"

She grinned again and leaned over to him. "Would you believe I bribed the flight attendant?"

"Really?" he looked quite pleased at that thought but then frowned when she laughed.

"No, I just offered to exchange my _much better seat_ with the guy who was sitting here. When he heard there was a baby next to him he was happy to change. I hope you appreciate my sacrifice?"

"Oh, I do", he grinned at her, suddenly feeling much, much better. "Uh, what about Pike?"

"What about him?" she asked innocently. "He's still looking into Johnson Trucking."

"No, I meant -"

"What?" she asked, looking innocent. "Oh, you mean what about Pike and _me?"_

He swallowed, surprised at her candor. "I guess. I thought – when you called – that he wanted to get back together with you."

"He did", she nodded, "but as nice a guy as he is, he's not right for me."

"No?"

"No", she stated calmly, reaching out and taking Lily's hand and giving her a smile. "No, I like men who are much more complicated" she told the little girl.

"Complicated?" Jane said hopefully.

"Mmm hmm. Oops – we're about to take off. Do you have Lily's bottle?"

And that was the end of their – very interesting – discussion., although for the rest of the flight Patrick felt confused and unsure and, for some reason, incredibly hopeful.

It was only as they were getting off the plane and walking to the terminal doors that Lisbon again looked at him. "We haven't finished you know."

"Finished?" He stopped and looked at her, a sleeping Lily held firmly in his arms.

"Mmm hmm. You never did tell me why you kissed me, and I'd really like to know." With that she smiled and started walking towards the door, leaving him frozen behind her.

_**And Happy New Year to my wonderful readers. I couldn't leave you all on a downer.**_


	23. Happiness Reclaimed

_**Okay, because my reviewers are so AWESOME and kind I am giving you another chapter tonight. Thank you all for your lovely comments. I am truly honored and humbled to have such amazing readers.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

Jane didn't say a word as they got into the cab and it was Teresa who had to tell the driver the name of the hotel where they were staying. She glanced a few times at Patrick, but couldn't be sure what he was thinking. He didn't look upset or horrified, but he didn't look happy either. In fact he had that horrible blank expression he used to get when he was planning something he didn't want anyone to know. She began to feel a bit nervous, but was still glad she had pushed him. She refused to go any longer not knowing where she stood.

Oh well, she'd soon find out.

Jane's mind was going a mile a minute and getting nowhere fast. To say he was surprised was an understatement of magnificent proportions. He'd had almost given up after the fiasco in his apartment and the certainty that Marcus had returned and convinced Teresa to see him again. Now she was here with him and she was pushing to know about the kiss.

Hell, there was no way he could let this opportunity pass. In fact, he knew that if he did it would be the last one he had. But at the same time he was terrified. He knew he loved her, but could he chance telling her? What if she told him she loved him too? Could he handle that? He was so scared that he'd open his heart and that something would happen to her. He knew he couldn't survive another loss.

But would he survive losing her even if they weren't together as a couple? If anything happened to her it would destroy him, even if she were living happily with another man. But the loss would be compounded by the fact he'd never had the chance to love her.

Damn it – he was back to not knowing what the hell to do.

"Patrick?"

"Huh?" he looked at her in surprise.

"Uh – we're here."

He glanced outside to see they'd arrived at their hotel. "Oh, sorry." He reached for his wallet and paid the driver and then they made their way inside. Fortunately they had an extra room for Lisbon, since she hadn't booked ahead. He was almost disappointed. He wouldn't have minded having her share his room!

Stop it, he told himself. The last thing you need is to be distracted by thoughts of that nature. Just then Lily started to wake up and he had to pay attention to her, while Teresa followed with the luggage.

"Here you go", she said. "I'm going to go drop my things off in my room and I'll be right back to help you."

"Okay", he gave her a tight smile and watched as she left. He then turned his attention to the baby, who needed a change and a bottle.

"So Lily, what do you think I should do?" he asked the little girl as he pulled off her diaper. She gurgled at him, her hand in her mouth.

"Really? Do you think that's the best approach?" He wiped her down with a wet wipe and she gurgled again and then kicked her little feet, trying to grab one and put it in her mouth.

"Uh uh", he told her, grabbing her foot and tickling it gently. "No eating feet! Now, back to the matter at hand. Do you think I should tell Auntie Teresa how I feel about her?" The little girl smiled and squirmed. "You do? Well, that's because you're on her side, aren't you? Mmm hmm – I know you two!"

A minute later he had her dressed and went to retrieve her bottle at the same time he heard a knock on the door.

"Hi", he smiled and waved her in. "I'm just getting her a bottle."

"Okay. Hi Lily", Teresa smiled at the little girl and took her hand. "Did you have a good sleep? You look pretty happy."

"Clean diaper", Patrick explained. "Here, can you hold her? I need to get the formula." Teresa took Lily and played with her for the few minutes it took Patrick to get the bottle ready. "Do you want me to feed her?"

"Uh sure." He waited while she sat down on the bed with Lily, leaning back against the headboard, and handed her the bottle. "Here."

"So, when do you want to go to the cemetery?" she asked gently, as soon as Lily started sucking on her bottle.

Jane sighed. "As soon as possible", he said, looking down. "I'd like to get it over with and it's still early because of the time change."

"Sounds good." She hesitated a second and then asked carefully. "Are you okay?"

He lifted his head and gave her a crooked grin. "I'm fine Teresa. It's just a place".

"Yes, but a place that holds a lot of meaning for you."

He shrugged and looked at the baby. "It's in the past."

"All of it?"

He lifted his eyes, which were clouded with what she couldn't tell. "My memories of Charlotte and Angela aren't connected to a place full of monuments and dust. As for the other – yes, it's in the past."

By 'other' she knew he meant Red John, for it had been in that cemetery that he had had the final showdown with his enemy. However she was glad he hadn't actually killed the serial killer in the same place his wife and daughter were buried, for even though he said it didn't mean anything to him, she had a suspicion that it did- probably in spite of himself.

She herself was a little worried at how she'd react to seeing the gravestones. She never had, even though she'd been to that cemetery a few times. She'd always felt it would be an intrusion into Jane's private life and something she couldn't do. She also admitted that it would make everything that had happened to him even more real – and she had to maintain somewhat of an emotional distance in order to do her job. Although if she were honest she had to admit that that distance had narrowed considerably over the years.

"You're sure you don't mind if I go?" she asked suddenly.

"Mind? Of course not, I'm glad you'll be there." He grinned. "You can help me hunt.

"I should have known", she rolled her eyes. "You'll get me to do all the dirty work."

"Do I really do that?" he asked, semi-seriously.

"No, you usually had Cho and Rigsby do it back in the day. Now it's Cho and Fischer."

He grinned. "Well, they get paid the big bucks. I'm just a consultant so I -"

She raised her eyebrows at him and pursed her lips. "Yes?"

"I consult," he informed her, a satisfied look on his face.

"Fine, I'll help you look." She glanced down as Lily let go of the nipple with a loud 'smack' and grinned up at her favorite person – after Daddy of course. "You all done darlin'?" Teresa asked, standing her up and placing the empty bottle on the nightstand.

"She's done."

They spent the next few moments getting everything ready. Jane went down while she was finishing getting Lily dressed in a clean outfit in order to arrange for a car. A few minutes later they were heading off towards the cemetery.

Jane pulled up on the street and stopped. He sat there for a moment and she could see him gathering himself together. Finally, after a deep breath he turned to her and smiled. "Okay, let's get this done."

As they collected the baby and started across the grass Teresa marveled at the fact that she was more nervous than Patrick. He was walking with a steady stride, chatting to Lily as they headed to the graves.

"When was the last time you were here?" she asked abruptly.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes. "To the cemetery or to their graves?" he asked.

"Uh – to their graves."

"I came when I finally realized who Red John was", he told her. "I needed to remind myself -" he paused and took a breath. "I guess I needed to gather some courage before finishing things. It was silly though."

"Why silly?"

"Because they're not here Teresa. There's nothing here but two markers with their names on them."

By this time they'd neared the place where the graves must be and Patrick had slowed down. For all his words she could see that he was affected by being here. Sometimes he tried to con _himself_, she realized. Without stopping to think about it she reached out and took his hand.

He turned to her in surprise, although he didn't take his hand away.

"Well it may not affect you", she said matter-of-factly, "but I find it very sad."

He watched her for a second and nodded, once. "Yes, it is." With that he took a few steps forward and then stopped. He was holding Lily in his left arm and was grasping her hand with his right.

The two of them looked down at the simple stones and Teresa could feel her eyes fill with tears. There was something so stark, so real about seeing the names of two people who had died too young, too tragically – and about seeing the man who had lost them standing so quietly in front of their graves.

"She'd be eighteen years old", he said softly, "An adult. I wonder what she would have been like?"

"What was she like as a little girl?" Teresa asked softly.

He stared at the gravestone for a moment and then began to talk. "She was the sweetest little thing – full of hugs and kisses. She giggled constantly and used to love it when I'd lift her up or tickle her. She also loved to swim – I taught her you know."

Teresa nodded, remembering the time Jane had experienced the hallucinations because of drinking the belladonna tea. He'd told her he'd taught Charlotte the backstroke.

"Angela was teaching her the piano. It's one of the clearest memories I have of the two of them. They were sitting together at the piano, playing a simple duet. I came down the stairs and they both turned to look at me and gave me big smiles. I remember thinking I was the luckiest man in the world."

By this time the tears were trailing down Teresa's face. She'd never heard him speak so eloquently about his daughter before and knew it was only a small glimpse into the pain that must always remain with him.

"She had a recital coming up – it was the week after -", he stopped. "She was all excited about it and asked if I'd bring her flowers. I was planning to buy her a bouquet of roses and present them to her afterward. Angela had gone out and bought her a new dress for the occasion. She never got to wear it."

Teresa let out a whimper, unable to hold back her sobs. Patrick looked at her in surprise.

"Teresa!" He stepped near to her and dropped her hand and raised his hand to her face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean -"

"Stop", she whispered. "God, you don't need to apologize. I'm just so sorry you have to go through this."

He gave her a small smile and rubbed the tears on her cheek with his thumb. "It's okay. I don't get a chance to talk about them very often, and it's – nice – but I don't mean to upset you."

"You're not." At his incredulous look she gave a small laugh. "Okay, so I'm a bit upset – but only because I'm feeling sad. It's not your fault."

"No", he took a deep breath. "But I think we've had enough. Let's find what we're looking for and get out of here. I don't really like this place."

She nodded and then grabbed a blanket from the diaper bag and placed Lily on it with some toys. She then walked up to the graves and knelt down beside Patrick. "Any luck?"

"Mmm – I think there's something here", he said. It was at the base of Angela's gravestone. He grabbed the small trowel they'd brought and began to dig. Sitting beside them was a small rose plant that Lisbon had brought.

"If anyone sees us digging we can just say we're planting it", she'd reasoned. He nodded, knowing it was a good plan and thinking that Angela would have liked it anyway. She loved plants and flowers.

It only took a few seconds and there was a 'thunk'. Jane kept digging until he uncovered a small metal box, which he pulled out of the ground. "Got it!" He spent a few minutes filling the hole with the plant they'd brought and then stood and brushed off his pants. He helped Teresa to her feet and they collected everything, including a very sleepy looking Lily, and headed to the car. They buckled Lily into her car seat and then sat there, both looking at the box, which Patrick had placed between them.

"Should we open it here?" Lisbon asked.

Patrick looked at the box and had an eerie feeling that if they opened it now it would change everything. He was convinced that knowing its secrets would force them to concentrate only on Johnson and Lily and forget themselves. While he knew it was vital that he figure out what was going on so that he could keep the girl who he now loved like his own daughter, he also knew that now was his time to figure things out with Teresa. That first and then the box.

"No, let's do it at the hotel", he said, starting the car. They drove quietly for a few moments before Teresa spoke.

"You're not worried that something will happen between now and then and we'll never know what's in it?"

He laughed and glanced at her. "Superstitious are you?"

"Noooo", she told him indignantly. "It's just – with everything that's happened I thought you would have wanted to know what was in it."

"I do", he agreed. "But there's something else I want to do first."

She frowned. "What?"

He paused and then looked over at her briefly. "Answer your question", was all he said.

Of course Lily would wake up and start to cry as they were almost at the hotel. Jane parked and they took her up to his room and tried to get her settled. It took longer than normal – the result, according to Patrick, of the flight. "She's not a great traveller", he said, "at least not on airplanes."

Finally she fell asleep and Patrick planted himself on the bed, feeling hot and sticky.

"You should take a shower", Teresa whispered. "I think I need one."

He nodded, thinking that they were fated to never have the discussion – that is if he _believed_ in fate, which he didn't – although he was beginning to doubt. "Sounds good. Will you come back when you're done?"

She looked down at the baby. "I don't want to wake her up."

"You won't. She sleeps pretty soundly. Please Teresa?"

"Okay", she gave a little jerk of her head and then walked to the door. "I'll be back in forty-five minutes – if that's enough time?"

"It is", he nodded. The moment she left he got up and began to strip. He got into the shower and allowed the warm water to relax him. It had been a stressful day in many ways and he needed to unwind. Although how he was going to do that when he thought about what was ahead he didn't know.

Instead he allowed his mind to go back to the cemetery and to Charlotte and Angela. It had dawned on him, for the first time, that he was beginning to be able to think of them without the agonizing pain the memories usually brought. It wasn't that he didn't still grieve – he knew he always would – but somehow having Lily and Lisbon by his side, it was more bearable. He was beginning to find a measure of peace.

He smiled through the tears that were mixing in with the hot water of the shower. This time the tears were one's of gratitude – as well as sadness. He was grateful for that peace but also felt a sadness that life – for him – was moving on. It would never do so for Charlotte or Angela.

He got out of the shower feeling exhausted rather than relaxed. It had almost been too much and he wondered if he should have put Teresa off. They could deal with their personal issues tomorrow – or the next day – or never, if he didn't get his act together.

He combed his hair, squinting at his reflection. It was time to get a haircut. He'd put it off since getting Lilly – and being sick so much over the last few weeks. He was looking pretty shaggy and the curls didn't want to lie down.

He grinned when he remembered Teresa's question. Angela had always teased him about his curls but since her death no one had ever said anything and he rather liked that the tough little FBI agent was curious. It meant she was thinking about him at least.

By the time she gently knocked on the door Patrick was feeling a bit more relaxed and not quite so worried. He'd been through everything a million times and ultimately realized none of it mattered. What was to be – would be.

"She still sleeping?" Teresa whispered.

"Uh huh. Come over here. She should stay asleep for a while."

She nodded and walked over to the other side of the bed from where the little girl's crib was situated. Jane was sitting on the small couch and patted the space beside him.

"Sit", he said. She nervously approached and sat down, although she sat forward, her back straight and her hands clenched over her knees. She knew she must look like a little kid who'd been sent to the principal's office, but she couldn't help it. She was nervous.

"So", he started, "You asked me a question?"

"Yes, I did."

"And you really want to know?" he pressed.

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise", she told him bluntly.

He nodded, looking as if he was considering her answer seriously. "Okay then – I guess I'd better tell you."

"You don't have to", she rushed in. "I mean – if you don't want to."

"I didn't know if I did or not", he confessed, again sounding nothing but serious and sincere – a deadly combination when it came from Jane. "But now I realized – I do."

"Why? I mean – why didn't you want to tell me?" she asked, looking at him directly.

"Because – I – because I was afraid."

"Afraid?" Her forehead crinkled in confusion. "Why would you be afraid?"

"Because I don't know why you kissed me back", he told her plainly.

"Why I – well -." Suddenly things had been flipped and she felt as if she were the one on the hot seat. "No! You first."

He sighed. "I thought I'd give it a shot", he confessed. His eyes flickered down to focus on his hands, which were clasped together tightly, the knuckles white with tension. He gathered his courage together and lifted his head. "I kissed you Teresa, because I love you. I love you and I desire you and I couldn't help myself. But I'll understand if you don't return - " His words were abruptly halted by the hand which gently covered his mouth.

"Hush", she told him, a smile breaking out on her face. "Of _course_ I do! I love you too Patrick. I have for a long time."

"You have?" he gazed at her in wonder, his eyes huge and his breathing shallow and fast.

"How didn't you know?" she whispered. "You know everything about me."

His eyes hadn't left hers and he continued to stare. "I guess – not the important things", he whispered.

They sat there together, their eyes locked in understanding but the rest of their bodies not quite sure what to do. They had been friends, colleagues, partners for so long that the move to something else, something different felt almost impossible to take.

Suddenly Patrick blinked, as if coming out of a trance. Teresa had just told him she loved him. He was filled with a blinding panic, followed by happiness so great he almost didn't recognize it. It had been so long.

But in recognition of that happiness – and in spite of the panic – he leaned forward. He halted briefly, asking a silent permission. When it came his eyes closed and he leaned forward the rest of the way. When his lips touched the softness of hers he let out a small sigh.

Yes – there could be happiness again, and he'd just discovered it.

_**I don't believe they ever addressed where the cemetery was where Jane's wife and daughter were buried. Because they were killed in Malibu one would assume that's where the cemetery was, but the show made it look like they were in Sacramento. For the purposes of this story I have set it in LA/Malibu area. Also - I don't think the show ever showed Patrick going to their graves except for the one with Danny, but again, I may be wrong.**_


	24. Interlude on the Couch

_**A relatively short chapter tonight (but a chapter nonetheless - I'd say TOTALLY deserves lots and lots of scrumptious reviews). It's mostly fluff and more fluff - but who doesn't need a dollop of Jisbon fluff in their lives? I'll get to the actual plot the next chapter.**_

**_I look forward to your comments on this chapter. I love the humor that exists between the two characters and feel that they would use it as they moved into a romantic relationship. There had to be some discomfort moving from friends and colleagues to being romantically involved. I've tried some of that humor in this chapter and wold love to know if you thing I got it right or wrong. Thanks!_**

If this had been a romance novel they would have immediately gone from declaring their love to living happily ever after. Of course this was real life, not a romance novel, so things were a bit more complicated than that. After their first _real_ kiss, they both moved back and there was a moment of silence – not unhappy silence, but certainly one that was far from easy.

"So", she said.

"So", he nodded. "Well, that was -"

Her eyebrow went up. "It was?"

He smiled and gently grasped her arms. "Amazing", he told her.

"Good, because if you'd said _nice_ – I would have hit you!"

"What, you don't like 'nice'?"

This time she was the one who smiled and she leaned forward and put her arms around his waist and snuggled up to him. "Not so much anymore. I'll take – complicated, and irritating and challenging and _interesting_ over nice any day."

"Good", he nodded again and rested his head on top of hers. "You realize that I have no idea what to do now, don't you?"

"What?" her head went back and she looked up at him. "The great Patrick Jane without a plan?"

"Yeah – I'm afraid so. Does that bother you?" he gently pushed her head back down so she was once again leaning against his chest.

"No, because I don't have a plan either. I say we just enjoy this for now."

"I can do that", he agreed, kissing the top of her head. They stood like that for quite awhile and Patrick allowed himself to simply enjoy the feeling of once again holding someone who loved him, someone who cared what happened to him. It had been so long and he again felt that sense of peace begin to wash over him. He was pretty sure he'd experience more moments of panic, but for now he was simply going to enjoy the feeling of holding the woman he loved in his arms.

"So", he said, when his back began to tire from standing so still.

"So", she answered, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"How about we sit?"

"Sounds good." But the two of them continued to stand, their arms around one another.

It was Patrick who finally moved, but it was only to lean back and, with his fingers, tilt her head so that she was looking at him. "I love you, you know", he told her for the second time that day.

She smiled and nodded. "I know that now and I love you too."

His eyes filled with tears – which shocked and worried her, until he spoke. "Thank you", he whispered.

"Why?" she frowned.

"For loving me. I don't deserve you."

She pulled out of his arms and swatted him.

"OW – what was that for?"

"For being an idiot. You're a good man and of course you deserve me – I mean – that sounded weird, but don't ever doubt yourself or that you deserve love. I love you and I want you to just believe it and accept it."

He looked at her doubtfully, but at her fierce look he sighed. "I guess I can do that."

"Good, because if I ever hear you saying nasty things about the man I love, I'll do more than hit your arm!"

"Really?" he asked, sounding intrigued. "What will you do?"

She considered him a moment and then shook her head. "How did a tender moment where we were declaring our love for one another turn into a discussion of all the ways I can beat you up."

"Uh, there's nothing that says 'I love you' like a sock in the jaw?"

She laughed and finally moved towards the couch. "Come on, let's sit down. I'm getting tired standing there, even though it was n-"

He looked at her with a raised brow and she rolled her eyes.

"It was _amazing_", she said, using his word. With that she plunked herself on the small hotel couch.

He moved to sit beside her, although he left a few inches between them. As much as they were teasing one another, he was feeling quite shaky with everything that had happened – _good_ shaky, but shaky nonetheless. He liked to be in control of a situation and this time knew he was as far from controlling it as he could get.

"You can sit closer you know", she snickered at him. "I won't bite."

"Promise?"

"_Jane!_"

He moved over and put his arm around her and pulled her to him so that she was resting against him. "You can call me Patrick you know?"

"I know", she sighed. "And I've been trying. But I'm more used to Jane and it tends to just pop out."

"I tell you what, you can use Jane at work and save Patrick for when you're in the throes of passion."

She could feel herself turn pink and was grateful that Jane was holding her too close to see her blushes. Still, she felt a definite rush of longing as he mentioned passion and couldn't help but wonder how long it would be before they'd take it to the next step.

"Uh – Earth to Lisbon?" he said, his voice light although she could hear the worry in it. He probably wondered if he'd gone too far.

"Mmm hmm?", she murmured, trying not to laugh. It was fun seeing Jane not quite so in control of a situation, especially since she was the cause. "You realize that now I'm _really_ not going to be able to call you Patrick, not in public at least."

This time he was silent, although after a moment he laughed and again tilted her head so he could kiss her. She had to admit she could _really_ get used to his kisses. With a jolt she realized she was actually _going_ to get used o them. It was no longer a dream, but a reality.

"How long till Lily wakes up?" she asked a few seconds later.

"Mmm", he struggled to see his wrist watch, since his arm was still around her. "About another thirty minutes or so."

"Good – let's make the most of it."

It was a good thing he knew that Lily was going to wake up and demand attention soon, or his determination to go slow, to woo Teresa, to show her he really _did_ deserve her would have been thrown out of the window, along with all of their clothes. It was a good thing, at least he kept telling himself that, although his body was protesting greatly.

The only thing that helped a bit was the fact that Teresa was obviously experiencing the same exact tension. He'd seen Teresa Lisbon in just about every situation imaginable over the years and had witnessed her angry, sad, happy, irritated (he'd seen that a lot), frustrated, scared, bored, intrigued, laughing, and many other moods – but he'd never seen her in what he'd (a moment ago) laughingly called 'the throes of passion'. It was an intriguing sight. Hell no – it was more than intriguing, it was damned hot!

Patrick me boy – you are in _such_ trouble.

He heard Lily begin to stir and knew that he had to calm down his frenzied emotions and libido. Teresa let out a moan of protest as he pulled his lips away from her shoulder blade and attempted to separate from her.

In the end he was grateful he did have to pull away and focus on Lily. It had been so long since he'd experienced a physical relationship – and since Angela it had only been the one time with Lorelie – that he worried that if they'd taken this to its natural conclusion he would have disgraced himself. He needed to slow everything down, including his body's responses – and right now all the biofeedback mechanisms in the world wouldn't have helped. Things would have been over way too fast.

No – he needed to prepare for their first time together so that he could be the person she deserved. He had a moment's feeling of jealousy towards Pike, who he was sure hadn't had sex only once in twelve years. He sighed just as Lily let out a squawk.

"Sorry", he said trying hard to get his breath back.

"It's okay", she said, equally as breathlessly. "It's probably a good thing", she told him. At his quizzical look she explained. "I – think we need to take this a bit slow, to get to know each other in this new way before we – you know."

He could have made some quip – his usual reaction – but knew this was too serious a matter to joke about. "I agree", he said, although then he got a rather impish look on his face. "But for the record, I want you to know that I don't _want_ to go slow and that I am looking forward to hearing you call me Patrick."

She laughed. "Go get Lily", she told him. "I'm going to go freshen up in the bathroom." She closed the door behind her and leaned up against it. Her heart was beating so fast she was almost afraid of an Alien moment where it would leap out of her chest.

Well – she had just spent the last forty-five minutes holding and being held and _kissing_ Patrick Jane. He had told her he loved her. Oh God, she closed her eyes and took a deep and steadying breath. She hadn't expected this and was feeling completely stunned – and happy – and not sure what the hell to do. She smiled and shook her head. For once Teresa, she told herself, just enjoy it and don't worry so much about what's going to happen. This is Jane so there's no point in even trying to predict the future.

She rinsed off her face, which helped her to cool down. She could hear him talking to Lily and again smiled. How could she help but love him. He was such a _good_ man.

"Hey Lisbon", he called. "Did you fall asleep in there?"

She opened the door at that and scowled at him. "I just needed a moment", she told him. "_Someone_ messed up my hair!"

He grinned at the same time that Lily gave her a big smile, and she couldn't help but laugh. They were a pair!

"Really?" he asked. "_Someone_?"

"Yes." She walked over and held out her arms and took the giggling baby. "Hi precious", she said. "Your Daddy is being a naughty man!"

"Me naughty?" he said with raised brows. "If I remember correctly from a few moments ago, it was _you_ who -"

"Okay, okay", she interrupted, a slight flush on her face. "Not in front of the baby!"

He grinned even wider but fortunately didn't say anything, for which she was grateful. This whole thing was still new and she hadn't got to the point of being totally comfortable with the double entendres and sexually charged banter.

They took Lily down with them to the restaurant since both of them were ready for dinner. Patrick had brought some baby food so they were able to feed Lily at the same time. The three of them laughed throughout the meal, while two of them talked about everything and nothing.

They had silently agreed not to touch on anything serious, either about the Johnson case or about their new relationship. Instead they talked about the things couples often do on a first date – music, movies, books and personal interests. It was different from a first date however, in that the couple had known one another for years and were good friends. There was much they already knew about each other – but surprisingly there was also a lot still to discover.

Teresa realized, in fact, how little she actually did know about Patrick. Oh, she knew what his life had been like since his wife and daughter died, and snippets from before that, but he'd never spoken much about his life. He'd never shared those little details one often mentions to friends. She knew it was because much of what was in his past was painful – but still, there had to be things he wouldn't mind sharing.

But it was too early to start asking those questions. And when she thought about it she realized she might never be able to ask him. He was an intensely private man and would share only what he wanted to. She would have to understand and respect that.

"What are you thinking?" he asked seriously. It was only then she realized she must have gone quiet.

She gave him a smile. "Nothing important", she told him.

"Liar", he said gently. "You can ask me anything you want – or tell me – you know that Teresa."

"Do I?" she asked seriously. "There's a lot you've never told me and I don't want to pry if it makes you uncomfortable."

He sighed and started playing with his spoon. "I know and I'm sorry", he said. "It's – a lot of it I want to forget", he explained. He lifted his head and looked at her. "But I don't want you to think you can't ask and I'll try and be more open. I don't mean to hide things."

"No?" She reached out and laid her hand on his. "I understand, really I do – and I'm not about to pry into things you'd rather not share, but I would like to know at least some little things about you – things I don't know."

"Okay – if you'll tell me things about you as well."

"Oh, there's nothing particularly interesting in my life."

"_Teresa_!" he remonstrated. "I want to know the little things too. There's a lot I don't know – like what instrument you played in the band!"

She smirked at him. "Ah – that is a secret I will never tell."

He sighed and shook his head. "A woman of mystery." He suddenly laughed. "I love it."

"So tell me something from your childhood", Teresa asked. "All I know is you were a Carny."

He proceeded to tel her little anecdotes about his life on the road. They were nothing profound or even particularly interesting, but they gave her a peak into what made him who he was. He made sure to tell her only the most innocent moments of his childhood, steering away from his beginnings as a conman. That could wait until a future time.

Lily began to get tired and so they made their way to Jane's room. He changed and fed the baby and she was soon sound asleep. He laid her in her crib and then went to sit beside Lisbon. By this time he was tired – as was she. The time difference had caught up to them.

"What about the box?" she suddenly asked. It had been sitting on the dresser all afternoon and they'd both ignored it in light of the revelations of the day.

"Shall we look at it?" he asked. For the first time since they'd found the damn thing he found himself interested in what it contained. He knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight without knowing – and because he'd also be thinking about Lisbon.

"I'll never sleep if we don't", Lisbon said, repeating his thoughts.

"Okay." He stood up and retrieved the box and sat back down. He looked at it for a few moments, hesitant to open it – and a potential bag of worms. Finally, with a deep breath, he pushed the button and up popped the lid.

The box was filled with papers – and on the top was a folded letter with a bold _JANE_ written on top. Patrick picked it up, and with a glance at Teresa, opened it and began to read.


	25. The Box

_**I'm so sorry for the long delay in posting. I definitely haven't forgotten this story! I'm writing another story, for another fandom, and hadn't written anything for that for a long time. I was feeling guilty for my other readers so spent some time updating that one. And then I got the flu and didn't write anything for a week.**_

_**So I'm back - with only a short chapter I'm afraid – but I will update regularly from now on (and thanks for the nudges folks – they really do inspire me to get updating).**_

_**So … is everyone else loving Season 7 as much as me? I'm dying that there are only 6 episodes to go. What will I do without my weekly dose of PJ and TL? Sigh. We'll just have to promise to all keep writing TM fanfic!**_

"So, what does it say?" Teresa asked curiously.

Jane lifted his head, his lips held tightly together in that look he'd get when not sure whether to share or hold something back. Finally he passed her the letter for her to read.

_Patrick (at least I hope it's you reading this):_

_I figured if there was anyone who could find the clue and where this box was hidden, it was you. I hope you don't mind that I left it where I did. I knew that Angela would look after things for me._

Teresa looked up at Jane at this point but he just shrugged. She assumed that he knew why she was looking at him and that he was telling her it was okay. She returned to the letter.

_At first, when Edward Johnson appeared I thought my luck had changed. I wanted to provide a good life for Em and Lily but I'm not really trained in anything but the con. Things were tough and I needed money and he promised me a job._

_It sounded too good to be true – and it was. Don't laugh Patrick. I know you're sitting there thinking I should have known better. All I can say is my perspective changed after we had Lily. It wasn't too long before Edward approached me to do him a favor. He told me a friend of his had some cash and needed to bring it across the Mexican border to avoid paying huge taxes on it. He said it would be easy and that I wouldn't get into any trouble. Yeah right! Now who was being conned?_

_Anyway, I agreed – the money was good and I figured I could put a bit of a nest egg away for Lily, for college maybe. Hey, wouldn't that have been something – a Ruskin actually going to college? I would have done it and thought nothing of it except I happened to go by to see Edward one day and overheard him talking with some guy. It turns out he was dealing with the Mexican mob._

Teresa stopped reading. "Oh no!"

"Yeah – not good", Patrick nodded. "Keep reading."

_I decided then and there I wanted no part of it, but it was already too late. I was in too deep and my dearest brother-in-law informed me that I was going to have to help him out on a regular basis from now on. I told him no and that's when things got a bit dicey._

_I took what's in the box and hid it. I told him to leave us alone and was going to leave with Em and the baby and disappear so he couldn't find us. If you're reading this my plan obviously didn't work. I just pray that Lily and Emma are okay._

_Please take what's in here and hold on to it for them. When Lily's old enough to need it you can cash them in. No one will know. Just look after my girls for me Patrick._

_Danny_

"He must have done this before the will and the other letter to you."

"Yeah, maybe. I wonder where they were going when they were killed?"

"Do you think they were leaving town? But they wouldn't have left Lily, would they?"

"To protect her? Maybe. But I don't think so, at least they weren't planning on it that night."

"So what's in the box", Teresa asked.

Patrick handed her one of the pages. "They're bonds, made out in Lily's name. They total ten million dollars."

"Ten _million?_ But – where's it from? What's this about?"

"Money laundering I expect. That must be what Johnson was doing when he did runs into Texas. He wasn't bringing illegal immigrants across the border, or goods, he was taking money from the Mexican mob and bringing it up to the States to launder. No wonder they couldn't find anything."

"God, why would Danny take a chance like this?"

Jane shook his head. "I don't know but I do know why Johnson wants Lily."

"Why?" she frowned.

"Because as her guardian he can cash these in. He didn't want her, he wanted the money."

"But he doesn't have the bonds and didn't even know where they were."

"No, but he was hedging his bets. He had to know that they'd turn up eventually. He knew that Danny would want to look out for his family. He's probably told his partners that he's looking for them. I expect the Mexicans want their money back sooner rather than later."

"God, if they find out we have them, they'll come after us!"

"That's true", he nodded. "But what if they think Johnson has them, that he took the money and blamed Danny."

"They'd kill him", Teresa said with a frown.

"Or we could give him a choice", Patrick said.

"A choice?"

"Have him give up all claim on Lily and admit to the money laundering and the murders of Danny and his wife, in exchange for protection from the Mexican cartels."

"Do you think he'd go for that?" she asked skeptically.

"Have you heard what the cartels do to people who betray them?"

"Yeah, there is that. But how are we going to convince them that he has the money? We don't even know who he was dealing with."

"I don't know – yet. But I'll figure it out." Suddenly Patrick smiled. "Things are definitely looking better."

She laughed. "Only you would say things are better now that we're dealing with money laundering, a Mexican cartel, and a murderer."

"Yes", he grinned. "It'll be fun and I'll get to keep Lily."

She shook her head at him. He was incorrigible!

They chatted for a while longer, both throwing out absurd scenarios, but eventually realized they were both too tired and too dazed by all that had happened to come up with anything that had an even remote chance of working.

Teresa finally stretched and stood up, announcing it was time for bed. "Lily's out like a light and I'm pretty tired, so I think I'll head back to my room."

Jane stood up as well and walked with her to the door. Nothing more had been said by either of them about their now admitted feelings. Just as Teresa went to open the door, he reached out and put his hand on hers.

He turned her slowly and smiled. Then he bent and gave her a gentle kiss. "Sweet dreams Teresa."

She smiled all the way to her room, only allowing herself a small thought that she would have preferred to stay in _his_ room. But she acknowledged it was too soon for that. They had too much to figure out.

She unlocked her door and closed it carefully behind her. She then twirled around and threw herself on her bed. Yes, there was a lot to think about, but she wasn't going to, not right now. Right now she was simply going to enjoy the fact that Patrick Jane told her he loved her – that, and the fact that he was an amazing kisser.

Jane had trouble falling asleep that night; there was so much going through his head. He knew he had to figure out what to do about Johnson and the bonds and Lily, but right now all he could concentrate on was Teresa – and the fact that she told him she loved him.

He should be happy, right? Yes, he should be ecstatic. It's what he'd wanted, what he'd thought about and planned for – and a big part of him _was _happy. But another part of him was full of fear and guilt.

What if he screwed this up? What if he lost her, either because of his own stupidity and carelessness, or because she got in the way of a bullet from some madman? If either of those things happened he knew he wouldn't survive. He couldn't survive another loss.

"You've already _had_ this conversation Paddy, me boy", he whispered. "Nothing ventured and all that". Teresa _loved_ him for goodness sake. Why couldn't he just enjoy that fact?

He closed his eyes and took a number of slow, deep and steady breaths. With each breath in he said how much he loved Teresa, on each breath out he repeated the fact that she loved him. Eventually he began to relax and to think about nothing but her, and how lucky he was to have her.

"I love Teresa", he breathed, "and Teresa loves me." The fear started to fade and the happiness started to grow. He fell asleep with a smile.

And woke up to crying! He'd slept so deeply that he hadn't woken up as quickly as Lily would like. He untangled himself from the covers as quickly as he could and retrieved her from her crib. "Hey there sweetheart, don't cry! Daddy's got you."

It didn't take her too long to settle down and Jane was able to bathe her quickly and get her dressed. He fixed her a bottle and was feeding her when there was a knock on the door. Holding her while continuing to feed her, he made his way to the door.

"Morning!" A fresh-faced, dressed and put together Lisbon entered the room with a smile. She looked at the thoroughly disheveled man wearing sweats and with his hair going in all directions and couldn't help but grin. "Rough night?"

"No, it was actually a very good night", he told her, sitting down with the baby. "I slept too late and Lily wasn't very happy with me."

"Would you like me to finish with her so you can shower."

He smiled and stood and handed her the baby. He then leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. "I'd like that very much. I'll be quick."

"Good, because I'm starving", she called after him. Once she'd settled in the chair with Lily, who had calmly continued sucking on her bottle when transferred to Auntie Teresa's arms, she allowed herself a smile. She must admit she loved seeing the rumpled, morning Patrick. He seemed much less in control and definitely very cuddly looking.

He was out of the shower in a few short minutes and dressed and ready to go to breakfast. Now carrying a very happy baby, Teresa walked beside Patrick down the hall and towards the elevator.

It hit her that to any casual observer they would look like a family on their way to breakfast and she immediately got goose bumps on her arms. She had spent so much time thinking about her feelings for Patrick, and wondering about his, that she'd never given any thought to the idea of a future with him. But he now had a child and a future with him would also mean a future with Lily – as a family.

She stopped dead, a stunned look on her face. Patrick stopped as well and turned to her with a frown. "What is it?"

"Huh?" She shook herself and took a breath. "Uh – nothing. I just thought of something."

"What?" he smiled.

"Nothing", she repeated. "Nothing important."

He took a couple of steps over to her and regarded her seriously. "I know Teresa. This is all – new – and we're both – trying to figure this all out. But please know that I meant what I said last night and I _want_ to figure it out, with you."

She gave him a slow smile. She should have known he would understand what she was feeling and thinking. She nodded. "Okay. I'll try and just – enjoy, but you know it's hard for me not to know what I'm doing, don't you?"

"To just let things go and not worry? Yeah, I know. But as long as we do what feels right for both of us, we'll be okay."

She nodded again and then took a deep breath. "I'm starving!"

"Well then lets go feed you woman! You don't want to see Auntie Teresa when she's over hungry Lily. It's _really_ scary!"

Teresa snorted, but suddenly felt more relaxed. How could she possibly be worried about Lily? She loved the little girl to pieces."

After a leisurely breakfast they made their way back to their rooms and gathered all their things together so they'd be in time for their flight, which left just after lunch. They'd done all they needed to do in California and it was time to head home.

"I can't believe that I actually think of Austin as home now", Teresa said, as they sat in the Taxi on the way to the airport. "I was in California for a long time."

"Do you miss it?"

"Sometimes", she said. "I felt a bit nostalgic when we got there. There are a lot of good memories."

"A lot of bad ones too", he said seriously.

"I'm sorry", she frowned, suddenly realizing what she'd said. Occasionally she could still stick her foot in her mouth.

"That's not what I meant", he told her. "I meant for you. Your career didn't exactly go as planned." He stopped and took a deep breath. "You could have gone a long way if it wasn't for me. I'm sorry."

"What? Are you kidding? Jane, our team had the best case closed record of any team in the CBI. I was – I _am_ incredibly proud of that."

"But the Blake Association? Having your team disbanded – hell, the whole _CBI_ disbanded. That wasn't good."

"Well, we were also responsible for helping destroy Blake. Once the FBI cleared us even they admitted that. And we caught lots of criminals that would have gone free if it wasn't for us. So there's nothing to apologize for because you played a huge role in that. And anyway", she looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, "I had fun."

"Really?" he smiled. "I thought I drove you crazy?"

"You did, but at least I wasn't bored."

He laughed at that and reached over and put his arm around her. "I'm glad. I would have _hated_ be to boring."

She laughed as well and spent the rest of the ride playing with Lily.

They got home late that evening, the time change adding a couple of hours. Patrick convinced Lisbon to stay at his apartment in the guest room rather than trying to drive home so late.

She had to admit that she was starting to feel like she was living with Jane already. She also had to admit that she was getting used to it.

The next morning they got Lily ready and dropped her off at the daycare and then made their way into the FBI building. It was time to get help.


	26. Together

"So you're telling me that Edward Johnson is connected to the Mexican Cartel", Abbott asked. He looked only vaguely startled, probably not that surprised that Jane had discovered the man involved in some major crime.

"Yes. I don't know which one at this point, but I'm hoping Cho can find out for me."

"I see. And so I presume you're planning to take this information to the judge and get him to throw out Johnson's custody petition?"

Teresa looked down at that and Jane looked a bit sheepish. "Not exactly. It's not just the custody case", he said. "Uh – he thinks that Danny, Lily's father, hid some of the Cartel's money and I'm afraid he's going to keep coming after her – or me – until he has it so I – we", he glanced over at Lisbon, "have to stop him."

Abbott frowned and looked between his agent and the consultant. "And how do you propose to do that? This is a Cartel we're talking about here. "

"I know. I don't plan to do anything to him – at least not directly." He got a mischievous grin on his face. "I just want him to get what he deserves."

"You know you're playing a dangerous game here, don't you? The Cartels aren't particularly forgiving of anyone that gets in their way. You don't want them after you."

"We know Sir", Teresa interjected. "We're going to be very careful. We think the best way to get rid of him is to expose what he's doing." She stopped for a moment and glanced over at Jane. "We have to find some way of stopping him Sir. We think he had Danny and Emma killed", Teresa said quietly.

"Really?" Abbott looked between the two of them. "What proof do you have?"

"Nothing, that's the problem", Jane answered. "But I know he was responsible. I need to get him away from Lily, permanently."

Abbott slowly let his head fall back. "Well, if he's laundering money for the Cartels then the FBI needs to be involved. Have Cho to find out what he can."

"Thanks Dennis", Jane dipped his head in acknowledgement of the other man's offer.

"And Jane?" Abbott considered him carefully.

"Yes?" The consultant stopped on his way out the door and turned back to the boss.

"We'll support you in this, but no surprises, okay? I need to know what's going on."

Jane looked at him seriously for a minute and then nodded. "No surprises," he agreed. He missed Lisbon's look of surprise.

Jane knew it would take time for Lisbon to trust him completely. Oh, he knew she already trusted that he loved her and he'd do everything to look after her. But she didn't trust that he'd stop being secretive and manipulative. Well, she was right, but only insofar as criminals were concerned. He'd made a promise to himself that he had to start being honest with her. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but if they had any chance together, he had to do it.

The way it stood now, Lisbon was too used to him hiding things, pulling things at the last minute, or lying and deceiving people to close a case. His first instinct was always to keep things close to his chest, even with his teammates, even with her. He'd been well trained at his daddy's knee to never trust anyone, to hide and dissemble and lie but he knew that had to change. It was going to be hard to let go of the role he'd grown accustomed to playing with her, but he had to believe he could do it or there was no point in even starting this relationship.

He felt a moment's fear at the task he'd set himself, but then he remembered his wife. For once the thought didn't bring him pain, but rather comfort. Because he remembered that with her he'd been honest. She'd demanded it from him from the very beginning of their life together. He'd had to relearn how to act with her but he'd done it and they'd had a good life together. So, he would have to relearn it for Teresa.

It wasn't going to be easy, that he knew. It was hard to open up and it left him vulnerable, something he'd avoided for as long as he could remember.

And the truth was – a truth he didn't want to face – he was terrified. He was terrified that if he was honest, if he let people see the truth, the real him, they'd turn away in disgust.

"Jane?" Teresa's soft voice interrupted his thoughts and he took a sudden deep breath and blinked. He realized he'd zoned out for a few minutes.

"What?" he faced her and smiled.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing", he attempted to smile, to make light of it, but her expression didn't change. She knew he was hiding behind his usual façade and her eyes continued to track his face, a small frown of worry etched between her brows. It dawned on him suddenly, that if he wanted to be sure to lose her it was to continue to hide from her, to pretend he was fine when he wasn't. He'd done it for so many years it was second nature to him now – but that too had to stop. He felt a momentary jolt of fear but closed his eyes and took a breath. "I'm - worried", he told her.

"It'll be okay", she said, trying to reassure him. "You'll come up with a good plan and we'll catch Johnson and that will be the end of it."

"Maybe", he shrugged. He suddenly wanted to tell her that that wasn't the reason he was so worried. But then he glanced around, realizing that this was neither the time nor place to have this discussion. "But you're right. We'll figure something out, we always do", he told her confidently.

"Well, _you_ always do" she told him. "But you will -"

"What?" he asked quizzically. "Tell you what I'm planning?" he asked softly, again recognizing her doubts. She frowned and he reached out to her, but then dropped his hand. "Yes, I will, I promise." He tried to let her know he was serious, that he was being totally honest with her. He wasn't sure he'd succeeded when she stared at him as quite a few seconds ticked by. Finally she nodded her head and he breathed a sigh of relief. She was going to trust him. He really wished they weren't at work right now because he had an irresistible urge to lean over and kiss her.

Instead he walked beside her, looking and acting the same way they had done for years as they made their way to Cho's desk.

"Did you find anything?" Jane asked the calm looking agent.

"I checked with the local DEA office in Laredo Texas", Cho told him, swinging around in his chair. "They were able to give me some useful information."

"What did you find?"

"That the Cartel responsible for most of the drug trafficking and smuggling in their area is the Chacal Cartel. Their leader is a Juan Maria Belen. They've grown more powerful over the last two years and there's been increased activity across the border. Velasquez, the DEA agent asked me what I knew – they're anxious to make some arrests."

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing." Cho answered and that was it as far as the DEA was concerned. "I've asked Wylie to do some research on Belen's known associates and lieutenants."

"Did you find anything Wylie?" Jane called over to the young computer geek.

"Yes", Wylie grinned. "I managed to get a hold of surveillance photos taken by the DEA last year and they sent over some of their information. They _really_ want an arrest", he told them, looking excited. "I've been able to identify three of Belen's people. Here." He turned his screen so that everyone could see. He pressed a key and the picture of a middle-aged, dark haired man came up. In the picture he was handing something to another person, although you couldn't see the other man's face as it was covered by a ball cap pulled low over his forehead. "This man is Jaime Cuevas. He is close to Belen – they grew up together – and it's reported that he is Belen's right hand man."

"And the other guy?"

Wylie shrugged. "There was no ID on him."

"Okay, so who's next?" Jane was leaning on the table, Teresa beside him with Cho looking over his shoulder. Wylie pressed another key and a second picture appeared.

"This is Pedro Ochoa. His father was also a friend of Belen, but he was killed last year. It was rumored that it was a hit carried out by the Zeta Cartel, although that was never proved. Juan took Pedro in and treats him like a favorite nephew."

"And the third man?" Jane wanted to know.

Again Wylie grinned. "The third man is Raul Santos." Another picture appeared, this time of a handsome man in his early thirties. He was well-dressed, sporting what looked like an expensive suit and shoes. He had a smile on his face and was leaning nonchalantly against a car – a silver Ferrari."

"Looks rich and thinks he's important", Jane said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, he is", Wylie nodded. "At least he's rich and I guess he's important in the Chacal Cartel."

"Who is he?" Teresa finally spoke up.

"He is Juan Belen's nephew, the son of his younger sister. She was killed when a bomb went off in her car. It killed her, her husband and youngest daughter. The son was playing at a friend's house at the time. He was eight years old."

"Let me guess", Jane said, standing up straight. "Dear Uncle Juan took him in and raised him like his own son."

"Yup", Wylie nodded. "But not exactly like his own son", he said.

The others looked at him curiously and he gave an embarrassed little shrug. "He doesn't have any sons. He has three daughters, all of whom are married. His wife is still alive, although she stays mostly at their house in Cancun."

"Is Raul being groomed to take over the Cartel?" Cho asked.

"That's the rumor", Wylie said, "although there are a number of people who believe that Manuel Tosell should be next in line. He's -"

"- Juan Belen's son-in-law", Jane guessed.

"Right." Wylie looked at him in surprise. "He's been married to Trini Belen, Juan's oldest daughter, for almost twenty years. He's done a lot of the day-to-day business for his father-in-law and that's why many look to him as Belen's natural successor, especially since Raul is known to be a playboy and has been in and out of trouble a number of times."

"Excellent!" Jane murmured. He suddenly noticed something on the computer screen and leaned forward once more. "Do we know who he's speaking with?" In the picture there was someone standing slightly to the right of Raul. His head was turned to look at the man against the car so that his profile was to the camera although the picture was grainy so it was hard to tell who it was."

"Oh yeah", Wylie grinned again. He leaned over the computer and did something to enhance the picture. "It's Edward Johnson."

Everyone stared at it for a few seconds, until Jane stood upright once more. "Good work Wylie", he said softly. "Now here's what I want you to do."

Jane retreated to his couch after explaining what he needed, and lay down, his arm resting over his eyes.

Teresa slowly followed him but stopped at her desk, while continuing to keep her eyes on Jane. She sat and watched him for a few minutes, not quite sure what to do. Their relationship had changed, although they hadn't really talked about how they were going to proceed. Hell, they'd barely _started_ a relationship and hadn't had time to focus on what was next. She wished they'd had some time to figure this out before being thrown into another case.

"Just relax", he said suddenly. "No one knows."

"Knows what?" she asked, feeling slightly irritated.

He lowered his arm and looked at her. Realizing that she was tense he slowly sat up. "No one knows _anything_ Teresa", he said quietly. "As far as they're concerned nothing has changed."

"Okay", she nodded, glancing around. Jane was right. Everyone was going about their normal tasks and no one was looking at them suspiciously. She just felt like she had this great big stamp on her forehead that said she'd kissed Jane, that she _loved _Jane. God – _she loved Jane_. The world had gone insane.

"But if you want I can get up and make an announcement", he told her with tilted head and a twinkle in his eye.

She looked at him with panic written all over her face. "NO! I mean – no – not right now. It's not that I'd _mind_ but -" It was at that point she could see that Jane was hiding a smile and she glared at him. "Not funny Jane."

"Well yes, actually it was." Jane regarded her searchingly, trying to see into her mind. And since it was Jane, he'd probably succeed, she thought with a flash of irritation.

"I'm not going to do anything to make you uncomfortable", he told her plainly.

She laughed. "Jane, you've been making me uncomfortable since the day you walked into the CBI so I doubt that will change."

"But I haven't made you uncomfortable about – _us _have I?" he asked seriously, sounding vaguely apprehensive about her answer.

"No", she answered gently. "Not about us." She wanted to smile when she saw his face relax. "Usually it was because you'd insulted some VIP or another law enforcement officer and I knew I was going to have to clean up the mess you'd created."

Jane grinned. "But those were fun times."

"Right!" she rolled her eyes. "Look – let's – talk about this later, okay." She wasn't comfortable dealing with her personal life while at work.

"Okay." Jane grew serious once more and actually sat up on his couch. "Look, I meant what I said, I'm not going to do anything to make you regret this. We'll go at your pace and I won't say anything until you tell me to." He kept his eyes on hers, trying to show her, with every fiber of his being, that she could trust him. "I know this is hard Teresa and uncomfortable for you –"

"I'm not uncomfortable", she interrupted him, looking pale. "It's just – _new_ and I'm not quite sure how to handle everything. I mean, we went from friends to – to -" she floundered, not even sure what to call it yet.

"I know and look, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not quite sure either. This is as new for me as for you – probably more so", he sighed, sounding slightly sad.

She frowned. "Why more so?"

He took a deep breath and then decided to be totally honest. "At least you've _had_ a relationship recently. I mean, you and Pike were getting pretty serious. I haven't had one since my wife so – if I'm a little awkward, you'll understand."

She instantly melted inside and wanted to hug him. It was rare for Jane to show any vulnerability and for some strange reason, whenever he did it made her want to reach out and make things better. She recognized clearly that it was the protector in her. It was the young woman who had practically raised three younger brothers, who had become a cop to protect and look after the weak and vulnerable. It was a central part of who she was, and she knew it was one of the reasons she'd accepted Jane as part of her life right from the beginning.

Without thinking about it she moved the few steps to his couch and sat down beside him. He looked at her in surprise – hell, she was the one who said they should talk about it later – and for once she realized she _had_ surprised him.

"Thank you for being so honest", she told him gently. "We'll just have to muddle through together."

He smiled and looked like he wanted to reach out to her, but smart man that he was all he did was turn to her slightly. "Together. It's a deal."

She gave him a smile in return and then got up and returned to her desk. With another sigh she sat down. "I miss Lily", she said suddenly. She glanced down at the picture of the little girl that now sat on her desk.

For the second time in a few minutes he looked at her in surprise, but that soon turned to pleasure. "I know. She makes me want to be a stay-at-home Dad", he confessed.

"So you're Dad now, are you?" she asked carefully, tilting her head. She hoped he was okay with her asking that question.

"Yeah", he nodded. "It's getting easier", he confessed and she knew exactly what he wasn't saying, but was proud of him for jumping in even though she knew he was terrified.

"Well then, let's get this case finished and get Johnson out of our lives do you can go be the best Daddy there is!"


End file.
